Diary of a Lost Soul

30 Before 30 Bucket List

11 Apr 2018 No Comments

Last Sunday I reached another milestone in my life, the 8th of April 2018 marked my 29th birthday and the last year of my twenties. Yes guys, I am almost 30 years old😣

30 is that year that is supposed to be the life-changing era, according to society you are supposed to have figured out the meaning of life and be well on your way to mastering it by this age. But the reality is most of us are focused on just being able to come to terms with paying off our student loans never mind looking at the wider aspects of the future.

In my old age I have become a sentimental old lass and have always been a massive stickler for living my best life, so I am always up for trying new things and willing to go on adventures that will serve as lifelong memories. I felt the best way to honor all of these characteristics I possess and give me something to look back on was to start a bucket list of things that I have been thinking about doing for the longest but have either put off or chickened out of doing.

So I compiled all of my thoughts into a list of 30 things to do over the next year;

Travel somewhere I don’t know the language
Learn to forgive
Overcome a fear
Attend a Halloween party in full costume
Participate in Carnival
Finally get that tattoo you have been talking about for years
Travel solo
Get your business off the floor
Get your work-life balance in order
~~become more confident with fashion shoots~~
Embrace my body
Go on a road trip
~~Do something for your community~~
Complete a charity obstacle course
Go to an art class
Make my own flower wall
~~Get in touch with my faith~~
Try out more vegan recipes
Release a lantern into the sky
Do something that scares you
Learn to make your own clothing
Take a buying and merchandising course
Save money
Master Mindfulness
Accept and love yourself
Start dancing again
Expand the blog
Start a podcast
Pass my driving test
~~Generate another stream of income~~

My 20’s have been wonderful to me and I have probably gained most of my wisdom within the last 6 years, so I can only imagine how eventful the dirty 30’s will be. If any of my readers are as old as me or have started a bucket list for any other reason please let me know what you want to achieve in the comments. I will be keeping you guys up to speed on what I have achieved over the next year, and whether I complete it all or not I will still have so much to be proud of.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Does The Music We Listen To Effect Our Behaviour?

6 Apr 2018 No Comments

For as long as I can recollect music, well rap music in particular has been held under great scrutiny for it’s correlation to violence, aggression, and misogyny. Over the years many lyrics from artists such as Tupac, Eminem, even our very own Giggs has been at the forefront of the debate of what effect music has on individuals, especially our young, impressionable, up and coming minds.

For a long time, I have been fighting the good battle with the rest of the world against the belief that music can incite a certain type of behaviour. I have been an avid crusader sweating with passion when discussing the idea that music cannot influence individuals to commit crimes, use weapons or even entice people to live an overly glamourised and unrealistic lifestyle we all know many can’t afford. But recently, something happened to me that made me alter my point of view.

As you probably already know I have been going through my own personal growing pains and due to this my mood has fluctuated from happy go lucky to real down in the dumps and at times this can happen in seconds flat. The other day I was having one of my extremely rough days where getting out of bed was one big ass struggle. I attempted to do everything within my power to pull myself out of my funk; I watched silly videos on social media, I bantered in the group chat, I even watched some ratchet reality TV (and ya’ll know I love me some ratchet TV) and absolutely nothing worked.

Alas, I began my morning routine and left for work as per. And like clockwork, I blocked out the world plugging my headphones in, sinking into the abyss of my favourite depressing sounds. Naturally I chose music that matched my mood, you know the slow jam with lyrics that are filled to the brim with heartfelt pain and suffering that my dismal disposition could identify with. And with that tone, I fell deeper into my pit of despair resigning to the fact that today was going to be one of those shitty days.

My tunes stay on shuffle so I usually just keep flicking through until I find the track that suits my vibe. As I was stuck in some sort of transit between trains I lost control of my song choice and was unable to override the library reorder being surprised by an RnB throwback from 2005 from one of my most loved artists Keyshia Cole. Now Keyshia comes about 2nd to Beyonce when it comes to empowerment jams but either way she still knows how to boost your confidence when it comes to getting over heartache. As soon as I heard the intro to “I just want it to be over” it was like I felt a chemical shift or surge in my body. Half-way through the first verse and I was immediately a changed woman, I was still woeful but ready to let go of my solemn and motivated to start the day correctly and rid myself of these demotivated feelings. At that very moment, I could no longer deny that the type of music you listen to has little effect in the way that people act.

This event took my thoughts back to my younger years, I have always listened to an array of different music. Some inherited from my parents and older sister and others adopted by the era I was born into. But as a teenager, my favourite genres were RnB and Garage and both evoked different feelings and acts from me as a young woman evolving. I remember the summer of 2005 when I was just 16 years old and it was barbeque season so the vibes were live, Pow by Lethal B was the anthem of the season and when I say I have never seen so many adolescent girls emulate the movements and acts of an East London road man for a mere 3 mins . I was very far from the road life even though I lived streets away from it, but when I heard the Forward Riddim me and my girls would be thugging it out on the dancefloor like the roads were embedded in our blood.

Fast forward 13 years and I have traded in the gangster life for my residency at club ratchet as an “Ayyy Girl” and Cardi B is my artist of choice, there is just something about her New York demeanour and raw lyrics that makes me feel like I am in a strip club making it clap with dollar bills in the air.

What I am saying is, the type of music and lyrics that are put out evokes responses from us without even noticing and at times even having control over it. Have you ever been at a work function and heard your favourite inappropriate song and as much as you resist your feet or shoulders involuntarily participate despite your mental protesting, or when you’re on the train and your jam comes on but making any kind of obvious movements in front if all those people will make you look like an absolute whack job.

Our reactions to our favourite tracks can be positive like it was for me but it must not be overlooked that negative matters in what we see can affect how people operate. London has been a humongous breeding ground for knife and gun crime, with the tabloids reporting that 4 months into this year alone the city has surpassed New York in the number of deaths of young people. And I cannot help but feel that the lifestyle portrayed in a lot of the current music and music videos is assisting in fuelling a lot of this conduct.

Pushing drugs, carrying a weapon, taking illicits even the way women are poorly treated are common themes in the current music videos of today, and although they probably serve as sheer entertainment value for the viewers. The majority of those are our susceptible youth who are looking to the media and celebrities for role models. It is our job as those who have arrived before them to guide them firmly to greater outcomes, but I have found that musicians of today forgo their role of mentors and even idols to the public and stick with the current popular trends instead of making an affirmative difference to better the world.

The music I listen to has so much of an effect on me that it often puts my thoughts into words that I would never have been able to express, It can give my low mood a severe boost and can inspire me when I believe that I have reached my limit. Yes, I have a catalogue of club jams where the content of the song is unnoticed and I only enjoy it because of the beat and hype around it. But the bulk of the music I love has meaning to me and has shaped my life over the years and serves a cultural purpose. But I am a grown woman, who is wise enough to make informed decisions about my choices, not everyone has reached my point of growth and can ignore the subliminal messages being thrust upon them. This platform should be used to educate and enlighten instead of encouraging the population into a life of negative practice. I feel we underestimate the power that music and musicians have, we need to remember that what is put out can grab the attention of the right people in the wrong way, the world appears to have fallen in to the ways of the get money and blow it fast flow. And if it continues who can be sure of what will become of the world we occupy.

Just food for thought…

Diary OF a Lost Soul

We Know, Women Are Trash Too!

21 Mar 2018 No Comments

Source: Complex

I promise you if I hear about or see one more dude cry over another story from social media about a conniving female who has been caught out for cheating I am going to lose every one of my God given Marbles.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do not condone cheating at all it is definitely completely wrong under all circumstances. And I am of the sound understanding that if you feel like you aren’t getting what you need from your relationship be it reasonable or just damn right weird you should either discuss it with your partner or end the union. But as a woman growing and beginning to relate to the world I have been lied to, cheated on and just all out disrespected by the opposite sex in ways that should really put me off dating for the rest of my life and stewing in my celibacy.

Okay by now you guys have grasped that I am a drama Queen, but the point I am making is that these experiences have surely made me apprehensive about taking men as seriously as they would like me too.

As of late, I have noticed that men outing women for their infidelities has become a very public and common trend on social media platforms such as Twitter and Instagram. Men have been coming out in what appears to be the droves of acts of solidarity exposing women who have been caught in the act with another man or woman. Now, I repeat I do not agree with scandals such as cheating but this is something that has been happening to women around me and all over the world for as long as I can remember, and whenever I have witnessed it being discussed from our point of view it is ridiculed or palmed off as some twisted right of passage. As if the only thing to do in these situations is to dust yourself off and get back in the game otherwise your ovaries will dry all the way up searching for that perfect man that will never exist. So I am struggling to understand why it should be only be classified as Satans handiwork when it happens to men.

Every time I pose situations such as this to males in my company I often get given the same spiel explaining how different it is for them, how disrespected they feel by the women who deceive them because some of these men really look after the lady in question. They buy them expensive gifts and let them know that the bond that they have differs to that of any other woman and it ends in them feeling exploited.

But what I wanna know is, were you feeling this same level of betrayal when you went out on a lads night and watched your best friend take that girl’s number? Will you keep that same energy when you are bantering in the group chat about how many times you had sexual relations with the local bicycle from around the way and your long-term girlfriend still stays loyal?

Unfortunately, men and women are judged by differing standards in life. Clearly, it is acceptable in societies eyes for a young man growing up to sow his royal oats in as many pastures as he possibly can, whereas to a young woman heartbreak and consistent rebuilding of yourself from the damage caused is created to make you stronger. Plus do it in silence because it is a complete annoyance to hear you all loudly waiting to exhale all over the timeline.

Cheating is a form of disloyalty and dishonesty and any gender is susceptible to being treated with this level of betrayal. Life will throw things at you that a manual has never been written about and tell you to handle it, and everyone has a damn right to be pissed about it. But one person’s pain does not trump another, we should all be exempt from having to constantly combat this pain because respect should be renowned especially when building a relationship.

Karma is a terrible thing that strikes when you least expect it, so we should all be treating others how we feel we would deserve. And I know it appears to some as brotherly to support your homeboy when his girl raises the alarm again about that female that persistently likes all his Instagram posts within a 10-minute time frame. But at the end of the day wouldn’t you want someone to be checked by a nearest and dearest if the shoe was on the other foot.

What I am saying is do unto others as you would have them do unto you, because you never know when it is your turn to be the next cheating scandal on the timeline. My advice; listen to Drake, build a bridge and get over it… quietly😁

Diary OF a Lost Soul

I DO NOT Work Through My Lunch Break!!!

18 Mar 2018 6 Comments

I like most people in their mid to late twenties am currently working a painstakingly stressful and time-consuming 9-5. Probably one that you hate or even one that you could love but you just aren’t in the position you desire as of yet. But either way, you are way past tired.

If you agree with the paragraph just above then you might once again just like I, look forward to 2 integral times of the day. Of course the long-awaited home time and ever the important midpoint of the day, your lunch break.

My lunch break is extremely sacred to me, I use those very brief 30 minutes to stuff my face, unwind, make social calls, even just aimlessly scroll through Instagram. Basically, it is my personal time to do whatever it is I want to do and to escape the weight of concrete jungle. When building a career us twenty-somethings are given the impression that in order to succeed we must mercilessly grind, give up whatever we deem precious in order to climb the ladder and fight for our dreams. So working lunches are often posed to us as a great idea to kill two birds with one stone, to the detriment of having a little pocket of time to regroup and resume the rest of your day with your sanity intact.

When I started my first real job I was that ever keen nodding employee that wouldn’t flinch at the sound of a 12pm-1pm meeting. I wanted to appear flexible, hardworking (well I put it on my CV so I had to prove it). But I was determined to show all the big wigs that I was the employee to remember. 5 years in the game and a couple of positions later, that was probably the biggest of all the mistakes I have made. Okay I am a drama queen but that is my free time and I realised that it started to become expected of me to surrender it whenever unforeseen affairs would arise. I don’t know about anyone else but I for sure did not sign up to work for Oxfam so charity work was definitely not in my contract, or in my sights. But aside from that if you give up your spare time, when do you get a chance to recharge?

I now vehemently refuse to be a martyr and renounce my only time of solace to give the impression that I am a worthy employee. Most of the time this self-less act is overlooked by managers and later on can be assumed as routine breaking down all of your personal boundaries and taking along with it the last portion you have left of your mental health. If a survey was done in any working environment the number one preceding factor would likely be that workers feel stressed and overworked, some of it is due to our environment but I believe that the majority of it is due to the unwritten rules to succeed.

Work can be a very exasperating environment. You can be stuck indoors for hours on end only leaving your desk to use the toilet, be inundated with emails overloaded with tasks that seem never-ending, or forced to laugh at humdrum jokes told by that co-worker you have always disliked but must keep up appearances. So forfeiting your lunch break when constantly having to fight those battles should be illegal, there is no contract written for any organisation that deems it crucial for any employee to utilise their unpaid lunchtime to continue working. There is no trophy awarded for the worker who sacrifices the most amount of hours of their personal time and dedicates it to their company. And there are definitely various different ways to demonstrate your commitment to a role, such as completing your duties, showing the array of skills and attributes you have and not to forget your professionalism.

Bottom line is don’t feel the need to give away what you need to sort a temporary issue, tomorrow take a walk or actually sit in the staff room to eat your lunch for once instead of using your desk. Just have some YOU time I am pretty sure if you’re reading this and wildly nodding at the points made in this post you deserve it.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Guidance From a Bruised Soul

14 Mar 2018 No Comments

If there is anything that I have learned from the last few months, is that life will throw millions of curve balls at you and you can either make every attempt to try and catch them all or get pelted like a bad comedy act.

I have always been told and have at times taken a good look in the mirror and repeated “damn girl you are strong”, but some things that happen in your life will really hit you in ways that can make drastic changes to the way you think and feel about yourself and what you’re even doing with your life.

I was always confident that I had a strong hold on my future, and after losing my Grandfather who was very dear to me and my family at the end of 2017 I was uberly optimistic about 2018 commencing. I did all the work, I was positive and what I had planned for the year was to be nothing shy of greatness. 30 days into the first month I was struck with another bout of devastation when my 4-year relationship came to an abrupt and shocking end leaving me stunned, confused and pessimistic about all the things I had put in place to happen for me.

I felt as if the reality that had been created for me was a terrible joke all at my expense. These 2 life-changing events left me in a dark place that I had always heard of but was sure that someone of my demeanor was unable to reach. I mean I could achieve anything I wanted, I truly exuded the definition of hard work so how could my whole world be falling down right in front of my eyes. If you are an avid follower of my blog I rarely admire my physical appearance but it is something that I live with and overall I am happy with myself. But after everything that had happened, I struggled to look at myself in the mirror often internally thinking horrible thoughts about the person I had painstakingly taken 28 years to love. I would get dressed up to the nines for an event and still pull myself to pieces. I hated myself, I felt so low that I stopped taking my friends calls because explaining all of the negative events that had happened felt like reliving it all over again and plus how does one feel their best when discussing their failures.

Whilst sitting in my cave at home in deep hiding I began to think about all the things that my elders had taught me, my mum always gave me the notion that if I work hard I will be able to reap all the benefits later on in life. No shade momma, I love ya but that was the biggest misconception of all time. We do not control this life, we own it but we have no clue on what adventures it will take us on.

Someone once told me that when people make plans God laughs, and remembering this quote is what pulled me out of my bubble of despair because we cannot see where we are going so how can we expect for our future to be executed exactly the way we dream it. Now, young budding representatives of the future do not look at this and think that I am telling you to throw all your vision boards and goals in the trash and dance like the wind. But do better than I did and accept that although we may have control over our destiny we do not have authority over what route it takes us on to get there. That course can be smooth sailing like a beautiful cruise to the Caribbean or it can be rough and choppy like a Robinson Crusoe inspired trek, but that journey is a vital part of your story.

Through all this pain and angst, I am now letting my toughest experiences be my best lessons and take my finger off the control freak button. Go with the flow a lil and not let anything knock me off my hustle, what doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger.

So do not get all stuck up in planning your whole lives to a tee, life is full of exciting twists and turns and when we focus on being control freaks we fail to see the lessons that our plunders and faux pas are created to teach us.

Remember, falling on your face is not the issue. it is how long it takes you to get back up.

With love, tears and big bottle of rum

Rea😘

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Inspiration For a New Year

3 Jan 2018 No Comments

It has come to that old fateful time where most people begin to reflect on all of their achievements and transgressions of the last year with deep scrutiny, analyse them and vow to never become their former shell ever again. Unfortunately guys I am one of those sentimental individuals who reaches the start of a new year, and is strongly driven to make this year better than the last. But hear me out before ya’ll condemn me to the kingdom of corniness for eternity. My reason for doing it serves more of a motivational purpose than to create wildly unrealistic and unachievable goals. I refuse to put pressure on myself to appear wise and well thought out when really I get to the end of the year and thinking ” homegirl, what have you actually done”.

I devise what I would like to dub standards to shape ideas for what I should be adhering over the upcoming year. And if they don’t go exactly to plan than hey better luck next year boo.

So if you follow me on Instagram you will know that I brought in the new year vision boarding because I am a visual learner and some of the ideas I came up with were;

Continue with the glo-up of Cheap Clothes 4 Heauxs

I have been a blogger for almost 2 years, and although the progress has not been exactly what I thought it would be when I initially birthed my brain child. In 2017 I was really able to see the beginnings of the growth of my brand, when I was in the planning stages of starting the blog I low-key believed that it could blow-up overnight. And when it didn’t I was high-key disheartened and questioned it’s purpose. But looking back I have enjoyed every high and low of the process, and every part of it has been a a major key to teaching me everything I need to know to make the blog a million times better than it was last year.

Travel More

The best Instagram pictures are taken abroad and I am well deserving of my profile getting a boost. Okay, I joke but I really want to expand on the Robinson Crusoe that lives deep within me and get to different parts of the world. I have visited many countries in my life, but there is still so much that I have not seen… And it the photos will look amazing, but you can’t judge me I am a creative😋

Me time

I am a part-time blogger with a full-time job as my loyal followers are aware, so I feel as though I spend forever and a day working. Where my part-time role is one of my deepest loves Rea’s system can sometimes reach overload and even her better than Duracell batteries need a recharge, so I need to take time to look after my needs. Plus it will give me the opportunity to tick some things off my ever dusty bucket list, maybe learn a new skill or rebuild pastures with an old hobby.

Be in control of my health

Within the last couple of years I have felt that the social media has really played a huge part in showing us the deficits of the nations health and in particular the state of our food. So at the tail end of last year I began the transition into becoming a Vegan based on what I have learnt about our bodies and the effects poor eating habits can have on us, through this I have reignited my taste for exercise and I am aiming to get in tip top shape this year.

Exude confidence

We might aswell call this the confession hour because I am about to get real, I have battled with my physical appearance for most of my life. I can consistently feel confident in my ability to slay because I am your resident clothes horse, but to really look at myself and say “Serea you look beautiful” is a real ass struggle for me. So this year I am going to attempt to be more confident in what the good Lord gave me and praise my physical appearance a lot more.

Thank you to all of my followers, 2017 truly was my year of growth and I really have all of you to thank for it. I hope ya’ll are feeling as enthuasiastic as I am about the start of a new year. Stick around ya girl to be a part of all the antics I’ll be bringing to 2018.

Happy New Year

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Men Are Trash

7 Dec 2017 No Comments

Source: Zilla Ansa

Men are trash… yeeeea I bloody said it, MEN ARE TRASH!!!

I am pretty sure the few men that are drawn to my blog are going to either unsubscribe or just literally disregard me and my efforts but I am sorry but it is the damn truth.

Before anyone gets excited and starts calling me bitter and lonely you are so wrong because I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years, this will probably lead you to say “ohhh then your man probably continually cheats on you. Wrong 2 times, but as the world is constantly drawn to the idea that the biggest demise of relationships stems from infidelity for me I strongly disagree.

I personally believe that the biggest betrayal are the lies that are told to women by men in order to obtain their faith and trust in the person she is supposed to love, and I am not talking little meaningless ones I mean the soul shattering ones that make you question whether you even know the person you share your world with. Relationships are supposed to be all about a partnership, 2 people learning and growing together as one. But what I usually find is that one person is ready to progress and assist the union in going from strength to strength, whereas the other individual drags their feet and takes the scenic route on development. Judging by the title of this post I think you can guess that the latter is our faithful brothers. Social media is littered with boys masked as men who appear to aspire to be Kings in training but are really yet to enrol on the course. Sharing stories of how they will take care of their family and be a pillar of support, and then when the opportunity is put before them they cower and refuse to take all the responsibilities that come with having a seat at that table.

Statistics and life have proven that women mature faster than men and I definitely agree, but I feel that this cliche statement has given an excuse to the up and coming men that has allowed for neglect towards the exact same people they claim to unconditionally care for. Men and women are exact opposites in so many ways, some very positive and others extremely destructive to any kind of relationship they attempt to build. But I find that women tend to be givers, when we find someone that we are devoted to our entire soul is bared to that individual with no holds barred. Some of us are willing to give everything we physically and spiritually own if it is at the betterment of our other half, even if it meant that there was nothing left for ourselves. Whereas men can be the selfish takers and suckers of all of that positive energy that is given to the relationship, with very little given back for replenishment. They rarely recognise that this behaviour is detrimental to the bond, even when the woman that they dubbed their Queen stands before them to express their anguish it can often be brushed of as moaning or mediocre.

lucy-advice-booth — Source: Active Endurance

This being said, even though I believe men are trash I partly blame the women myself included. We constantly put up with the poor standards that are given to us, hoping that in a few years the light bulb in that dusty empty attic of a mind of theirs will turn on and change will occur over night. I have a massive disdain for getting advice from the wrong people and I severely consider my source when I ask for relationship council, so I mainly speak to my mother about matters of the heart. And even she gives me the spiel of “you know men are slower than women to develop” blah, blah, blah. Where I respect and agree with her point of view, I refuse to accept this as an acceptable reason for the other sexes inability to grow and step up as another half. I think as individuals despite our gender we should be able to look at ourselves and assess if the behaviour that we are exuding is beneficial to what it is that we are trying to achieve, be it in a relationship or just in regards to progression throughout life. While the reality of it all is that if your foot is not all the way up their ass on a regular basis, you are stuck with original model no 2.0.

Okay that is frustrated me talking, but I think we as women with valid needs should be speaking up about what levels of support we need early on to get the best out of our relationships. If there is anything men consistently do, it’s express their contempt for something that their girlfriend does from putting on that colourful headscarf every night to struggling to decide what type of food she wants on cheat day. Trust me we hear about it so why can we not do the same?

I am a person that puts everything into anything that I do, and when I love it is with full force. And if there are any women who are like me out there, you are way past tired of being given the role of mother way before your time especially when it means bringing up grown ass men who should be in at least the post graduate stages of advancement in life. I like other women are not looking for the unrealistic standard of the perfect man or even a finished product, and I am of the understanding that each individual needs their personal time and space to grow. But when the other piece of the puzzle doesn’t put in the same amount of effort as their counter part it makes it difficult to believe in them or what they claimed to offer.

So to all the lost boys who think they are future worthy heads of their household, step up and be open to change. Always aspire to give the woman that you love all that she will ever need, not just what you feel is possible for you to give. And to my fellow sisters, I challenge all of you to rebuke the curse of the fuck boy. Do your best Beyonce infused roar and assess what it is that you need from the opposite sex be it a husband, boyfriend or even better potential partner. Our role as women is always being explained as the teacher and nurturer of young men who will soon become our Kings and nurturing is not another term for sticking it through because eventually it will turn out to pay off. Speak out about the things that are unacceptable for you and set your demands, when they can’t give you what you know you deserve let him know or set your sights on a candidate that is willing to meet you half way. Because trust me, as much as society enforces it there is no book written or unwritten that condemns us as a gender to suffer.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

The Trouble With Friendship

16 Oct 2017 No Comments

“Everyone wants to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”
― Oprah Winfrey

During the summer months most social media platforms are cascaded with what the new age has dubbed “Squad Goals”, these tend to be photos of what seems to be groups of girls who appear to be the best of friends often dressed alike or in coincidental poses of spontaneous laughter.

Each time I come across one of these posts I perpetually question it’s legitimacy, because we all know Instagram is well known for projecting a lavish lifestyle on a paupers tale. But it also forces me to look at myself and think “if they can do it, bitch why can’t you keep a friend?”

This was a problem that has stuck to me like a plague all of my life. For years I have been a prominent member of a lot of girl cliques that have gone bad and have always ended with an epic standoff that breaks the bestie clad contract.

Before anyone gets slick and wants the point the finger at me I have one disclaimer that will put all of that to rest, I have a vast amount of friends that have known me for a very long time and we have never had a single quarrel, but they are all of the guys.

*Queues all the sausage fest jokes* No! they are like brothers to me and we literally have platonic friendships that never have and never will have any extra added agreements, but keeping a compadre of the same gender just seems to be a goal I struggle to reach.

I deem myself to be a quite an inclusive person, and growing up I always just wanted friends around me, maybe it was from the books I was reading or an overdose of Spice Girls albums but I always envisioned having a large group of girlfriends that support each other you know girl power!!! So when I was unable to achieve this it was a massive disappointment to me every time and I found some of the reasosns why there have been is oamny breakups is because;

I am too outspoken
We are at different stages in life
Backstabbing, backstabbing, backstabbing
Lack of support
I’m “jealous” of them
The guy she is besotted with (and I never wanted) told me he likes me instead
I am too harsh
Betrayal

In my younger years I internally beat myself up over some of these reasons and began to lose trust in ever being able to fit in with a group of girls or really have a female friend that would generally want the best without the cattiness.

Growing up, gaining new life experiences and even embarking on my own business venture has given me brand new perspectives on the kinds of people I have in my life changed all of this for me and I stopped feeling guilty and also didn’t feel like the vehement bitch that I can often be portrayed to be when I decide a specific individual is not a good fit for my aura.

I think the reality of the situation is that you are the CEO of your own life and just like a business, relationships that can be detrimental to what the ethos is; and those that are have to be broken so that the company can flourish. What I learnt from these social media posts is all is not what it seems, behind alot of these #BestFriendGoals pictures are a bunch lost women who at times may feel as displaced both you and I or just genrally don’t even like eachother

So now I create my own standards and stick by them without being apologetic, I know exactly what I need in my inner circle in order to stay just as positive, motivated, real and as ratchet as I love to be. You get first dibs on deciding who gets to be in your space and who doesn’t make the cut, and if said collective happens to be small or has a specific gender roll with it. Just because your Instagram feed doesn’t look as aesthetically pleasing in the buddy department doesn’t mean you are not likeable or unable to hold down a clique.

Remember that there aren’t enough seats at the table for everyone to sit with you.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Diary Of A Lost Soul

29 Aug 2017 No Comments

At the end of last month, I entered the depths of despair and purged writing a post titled “Thinking Out Loud” which was a heartfelt open letter about my struggles with being a new entree into Bloggerdom and difficulties of juggling my passion alongside my 9-5 that I am now desperate to clamber out of.

I decided to write this post for a number of reasons;

It was my current situation
I really needed to vent
Because I needed my readers to know the reasons for the inconsistencies

After publishing the post, I received oodles of affirmations of encouragement from the blogging community, family and friends that lifted my spirits and motivated me to keep pushing even in the face of adversity

I have always found writing to be a method of therapy for me, for as long as I can remember I have pursued solace in the form of a pen and paper. From letters to my ex-boyfriends to angry rant filled paragraphs about my displeasure at the curfew I had been given by my mother, writing it all out and casting my burdens off onto a page really gave me the peaceful feeling I needed.

I consider myself to be quite a positive person who can dibble dabble in the pit of negativity from time to time, but it is not a realm I spend enough time to take a tour of. So most of my negative moments are either a lesson, motivational kick up the ass or a sign.

In this instance it was two out of the three, to keep me motivated in the pursuit of my dreams but also sign that it may be time to use this pain turn it into something uplifting and add another layer to the blog that shares my inner most negative or positive life concerns.

I don’t see myself as a lifestyle blogger at all because I love a rant way too much and I am far too foul mouthed to really be the poster girl for enthusiasm, but ‘Diary of a Lost Soul’ is created for the everyday individual who finds it difficult to find their way amongst the highs and woes of life just like me.

I hope by sharing my experiences I can make at least one person feel little less lonely.

Happy Reading

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