DiaryOfALostSoul Archives - Diary of a Lost Soul

The Journey to Philautia

17 May 2021 1 Comment

Philautia is the ancient Greek word for self-love, it is a term that is often used amongst the millennial culture meaning to tend to your own needs and wellbeing without sacrificing yourself for the pleasure of others. But I struggle to see evidence of how it demonstrated well despite the copious use of bubble baths, and solo trips around the world it makes me wonder do we really love ourselves as much as we say we do?

I think we can all agree that we are probably our worst enemies, no matter what someone can say or do to us we have probably done worse. It doesn’t mean that we despise every living and breathing thing about ourselves but spend a lot of time being self-critical about most of the things we do which builds a very undesirable picture of self. Team that with the distorted and hateful views of society and you get one big ball of self-destruction. The pandemic taught me that I am incredulously mean and disregarding of myself, from pushing myself to the absolute limit career-wise, not to mention the relationship between me and my body, I have heavily supported in turning myself into someone I wouldn’t want to spend time with alone.

As a blogger and avid reader of personal development informed texts, I become enraged when the latest portions encouraging me to love myself are concluded with the concept that taking a bath, regular face masks or booking a spa weekend will make me feel better about myself. I am a hard worker, so to gain some control and balance over my life I would play hard with my besties mainly on the raw streets of Shoreditch on the weekends living my best alcohol filled life, sleeping it off until Monday, then trudging it through a hectic work week all over again. When the earth stood still in the name of a virus, combined with a breakup from a long-term relationship (we will get to this one in another post) I was left with none of my crutches to distract me from the lacklustre life I was leading. The silence was deafening, and it was within those moments that I knew that there was nothing else left to do but tackle those deep dark parts of my mind that I had compartmentalised for so long, and no bubble bath brand had the strength to cure those.

Now, I don’t want to throw shade at anyone who uses any of the above-mentioned methods to take care of themselves as I agree that they serve a purpose. But what I argue is that they don’t truly heal us, it is like putting a plaster over your pain it has very little effect including the fact that we don’t all have the revenue to regularly engage in these activities the minute our mood drops. The biggest part of self-care is the inner work, the things that warm our soul so we feel good from the inside out. It has taken a stint in counselling, implementing food and lifestyle change, journaling and prayer to support the journey to truly show the love to myself I truly deserve. I can’t pinpoint when I jumped on the self-hate train but it really embedded itself within my teen years, and I realised undoing that level of indoctrination worthies more than a few packets of Superdrug’s finest face masks. I spent a lot of time loving other people in a way that I should’ve been loving myself, and until I got real and faced the hard truths about life, I was unable to feel comfortable in my own skin.

So, I challenge you all to take a leap and dig deep into your souls. Those thoughts that randomly resurface, embrace them, name them and take care of them. Show the kindness you give to others to yourself at your most difficult times, and most important of all learn what true love is, what you are giving out so freely to others must be given to yourself first… then run and tell me how soothing that bubble bath really was?

Diary OF a Lost Soul

We Didn’t Need Designers We Needed Guidance

20 Oct 2019 No Comments

Over the years I have struggled to understand why men and women are so different, in my younger years I was convinced that the only thing that separated the genders were body parts but sometimes it feels as if we are so far apart we live on different planets. I thought that it started making a lot more sense to me and I had finally figured out the Pythagoras theorem type code, but then I moved in with my long-term boyfriend and that showed me that there are some serious levels to this game we call love and war. I definitely wouldn’t say I have my life figured out because we don’t own this life so have no idea where it will take us, but I plan and when my plans lead me towards a different destination I re-route just like a Satnav would and continue on because if not I would freak out and be lost. How I got to this profound way of living you ask, lots of failed attempts at life (I mean lots), understanding that I cannot control all aspects of my life, getting closer to my faith and most important having positive role models to guide me in the right direction.

And upon deep reflection, I think this is the main factor that divides the 2 genders. I love Wretch 32 who is renowned for speaking his mind about issues relating to culture, colourism and community differences. On his project FR32 he has a song called Thugs Prayer which depicts people within their moments of weakness seeking support from higher beings. A line in the track reads “we didn’t need designers we needed guidance” and I believe it really explains where some of the difficulty lies. When I talk to the different males around me the common missing factor is always guidance and the lack of role models around them in the formative years of their lives. Although a lot of them are surrounded by many friends and influences that could have a positive impact, the ethos of nurturing and teaching is not always seen as compulsory for their development.

blur cartography close up concept — Photo by slon_dot_pics on Pexels.com

My background is nowhere near privileged, I come from a single-parent home with an absentee father and attended a school in Hackney. Not the hipster loving, bicycle riding Hackney we see now but the much rougher and more abandoned Hackney. I could have been very different from what I am today, but what gave me a chance was the morals and values instilled in me from as long as I can remember from my mother. She was a hardworking woman with 2 young girls she knew needed to have the knowledge and education on their sides to succeed in this tough world and made it her priority to do so. I find that Boys are not given that opportunity, they are often left to their own devices to figure things out for themselves or are fed the idea that their main focus is about making enough money, so they can stunt on others with high-class designers and use that to get the attention of other women.

Life is deep, meaningful and incredibly hard, so in order to win at it takes conscious teachings from elders and personal reflection. My constant gripe as a woman and a girlfriend is that it has been put out into the world that the shortcomings of men are to be accepted by us as they require more time to grow. Time is for sure is a mentor and a healer, but how can they change their ways when there are no mechanisms in place to aid or apply pressure in order for it to become a requirement and not a suggestion? For us to become the best versions of ourselves we have to be answerable to something and I have found that lessons taught to young girls is more about how to enable a man, but no lessons for boys on how to become pillars of their communities, or the responsibility of guidance that will be bestowed upon them within their latter years.

alphabet class conceptual cube — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

For anything to be different the narrative needs to be changed, it needs to be a priority for men to be mentored throughout life and made accountable for their weaknesses and faults as well as being celebrated for being providers for their families so that those teachings can be shared with those coming up after them. I for one am tired of watching our young boys fall victim to the cold streets who have nothing to offer them but false pretences and pain. Prosperity is beautiful and something we all hope for, but lessons are learnt better with love and nurturing at the forefront.

Cheap Clothes 4 Heauxs

Goodbye… For Now

6 Jun 2019 No Comments

Blogging has been one of the best things I have ever done, I wrote for a very long time and refused to release it to the world out of anxiety of what others would think and lack of confidence in my abilities. But I remember the feelings I had pressing publish on my first post being a mix of worry and pride, and I would not trade any of those for a thing in this world.

I started Cheap Clothes 4 Heauxs because I have loved fashion for as long as I can remember. I didn’t come from a family where money was freely available. So when I got to university, I felt like a fish out of water hanging around girls who got allowances from their parents and lil old me who had to hustle to make things work utilised all the tricks of the trade to keep up with them given to me by my mother who was my first fashion inspiration. I decided I wanted to share these techniques that I still use till this very day, with girls who felt the same way I did, or women who just like to look good and save those extra coins for something more worthwhile.

Despite the reason for my hiatus, which has been due to major moves being made in my main hustle, I feel like my soul is yearning for me to fulfil a different destiny. Last year I launched a new portion to the blog named Diary of a Lost Soul which was born out of my frustrations with my position within that moment. Not only was I able to release my innermost thoughts and feeling, but I was able to find a new love in my life that allows me to be a sounding board for myself as well as show others that life is an experience of ups and downs that nobody is alone with.

With this being said, it is with a heavy heart that I close the chapter on Cheap Clothes 4 Heauxs, but allow a larger platform for Diary of A Lost Soul to flourish. Just like life, we grow, and in order to move forward towards new opportunities, we must close the door on some of the very ones that we started with. I aim for Diary of a Lost Soul to be a lifestyle blog for people from all walks of life to seek support, advice and “oh hell yes” moments from as at times we just need a place to keep it real.

Fashion will always be my first love. But I sense that my purpose is leading me in a different direction, this choice could cause me to lose some very loyal followers or to find some new people to interact with but what I can guarantee is that the style of my content will never change so stick around for your girl.

Thank you all for staying down with me through my hiatus. Stay tuned for some great content and a transformation coming this way on Diary of a Lost Soul for the highs and woes of life from your average Josephine😉

Diary OF a Lost Soul

New Year, New Mood

6 Jan 2019 No Comments

I have said it sooo many times now but 2018 was my biggest test to date. I went through so many things that challenged me as a person and there were moments when I just felt like giving up on everything I planned.

These tribulations have shown me that if there was any moment that I thought I knew it before, I am now certain that I can make it through anything. But most importantly that I know who I am, and I believe that this is the best lesson you can ever learn. So this year I am going to take these attributes I learned about myself, use them to transform me into the Boss Lady I was born to be and conquer 2019.

grayscale photo of woman holding flag — Photo by alexandre saraiva carniato on Pexels.com

I Am A Born Leader

Funnily enough, I am a massive introvert but my loud mouth depicts otherwise. I have often let others use that characteristic to define me as someone who loves the spotlight. But the reality is if you really know me you are aware that I would rather sit right at the back, in the dark where nobody can see me. I have noticed that this has probably aided in me missing out on viable opportunities because I have been given a complex about it.

So this year I will no longer hide in the shadows, but stand in the fact that I cannot lead from the back. Stay tuned to see me doing all the things that terrify me but will, in turn, direct me to all the things I desire to achieve.

flat lay photography of macbook pro beside paper — Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I’m Hustler Baby

I have never been content with one just thing, I even chose my Universtiy degree all those years ago because of the various different avenues it could lead me to as I know how easily I get bored. So my inner Jackie of all trades has been screaming for me to push on with the ideas that swim around my brain on a daily basis. This year I will put all of my skills to use so that I can finally feel fulfilled in my working life, from blogging to volunteering I will be doing it all.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is snapchat-2017174764-1.jpg

Being Unapologetically Me

I spent a lot of time last year second guessing every move I made. I felt so anxious about whether I was doing the right thing, or what another person’s interpretation of the decision I made would be and it made me terribly self-conscious of who I am. This year I have decided not to over analyse and remember that because I am a good person so the choices I make will not be with the intent to hurt anyone in any way. And to remember that it is okay to be the loud, courageous, obnoxious and adventurous girl that is me!!!

man kneeling in front of cross — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Unleashing My Spirituality

In the middle of last year, I went back to church, this was a long-term goal of mine but I was finally able to achieve it and it was the best thing I have ever done. It has shaped my learning over last year and I truly do not believe that I would be so happy without it or even have the courage to write this post. So this year I hope to get closer to God and really understand my spirituality better.

I read a quote this week that said making it through last year is a major achievement in itself. If you like myself have had with many moments of adversity within the last year, getting past that point is enough for you to win this year.

So use those hard times to motivate you and really take charge in 2019, I wish you all luck in everything you aspire.

Happy New Year!!!

Diary OF a Lost Soul

The Perfect Lie

7 Oct 2018 No Comments

Source: Gentle Touch Plastic Surgery

Social media is what I like to call a gift and a curse, on one hand, it is a smart networking and marketing tool. On the other hand, it is the smart networking and marketing tool. Still confused, me too but as we already know the apps allow us to use snapshots and short videos to promote ourselves, businesses, lifestyles to an array of different individuals in cities across the globe that have nothing to go off about us but the profile of our best bits.

Between food porn and latest dance craze videos, one of the most popular types of pictures on social media is those of Influencers and Models. It’s like you cannot get through a feed without being bombarded with images of scantily clad women captioned with some sort of motivational quote.

Disclaimer, this is not a post bashing Influencers or Models because as a Blogger my duties often cross over into both world’s, and they do serve as role models for many people for various reasons. But sites such as Instagram are a breeding ground for creating falsehoods, with Commercial and Fitness models inundating the site with their profiles and generating myths on how to get the perfect bod, but tactfully leaving out the fact that their passport has a mysterious stamp from Turkey with no trace of the visit on their page.

Source: Cruise Plastic Surgery

At the moment plastic surgery is all the rage in this new era. It is difficult to come across anyone who has not had a nip, tuck or prick anywhere to enhance or even change their physical attributes completely. From Brazilian buttlifts to Dermal Fillers it is as easy to come by as visiting your local corner shop for your favourite pack of sweets.

One thing that has not changed is the individuals undergoing such procedures being open and honest about it instead of claiming that fitness and great health choices gave them the body of their dreams. For instance, Nakita Johnson well-known Youtuber, Model, and Actress came under fire this week after she was complimented by a follower about her physical appearance and asked who the surgeon was that helped her reach her desired state. Nakita denied any augmentations and gave all of her praises to family traits and God. This appeared to enrage her followers who dispelled her ideas of being a natural beauty and begun to drop pictures of her before she had surgery to verify that this was not just normal changes.

I caught onto all this drama so late that Nakita had begun to recant her tweets and I was unable to see her responses, but by the looks of the remaining comments from other users she didn’t appear to let the comments go over her head. I am far from a fan of body shaming so I frown upon putting another person down for their presentation, but the long and short of it all is that her body as stunning as it is, is not a result of just great genes and the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit taking control of your livelihood.

Nakita’s approach to the situation was similar to that of a few others who have been called out. Between the Jenners, the Kardashians and a bunch of other models who are considered to have “the perfect body” the common theme includes convincing the public that drastic differences in their looks are the result of a great makeup artist, going to the gym or the worst myth of them all drinking enough liters of water just short of drowning yourself.

If you are anything like me then some of you reading this post have succumbed to the body image demons and have indulged in a fad or 2. From Flat Tummy Tea to Appetite suppressants (for me it was the waist trainers) people across the globe have bought into unrealistic health trends because they have been promoted by a person who has falsified accounts of it being the number 1 method for their physique.

Due to science and technology moving on so fast it becomes increasingly harder to detect whether someone has had any enhancements. With some procedures only needing short recovery times, you can be in the chair and out within a matter of hours without anyone having a clue that you have been tweaked.

With Plastic Surgery being at its height at the moment, with more and more men and women admitting to going under the knife to make some changes it appears to be a much more acceptable amongst millennials. So I think we can all agree that we are a lot less likely to be bothered by someone choosing surgery to make alterations.

With all this being said the reality of the situation is that we should not be so easily led. It is a part of an influencers job to use photos to emulate the perfect life, friends and looks so we should expect for them to do this without a blemish. I think with the current state of the beauty standards perfectionism will always be a unique selling point and we can admire there state but also notice the differences in our structures. We as a community should stop believing and reinforcing these testimonials and idiot guides to the perfect bod because they are highly unattainable without a cost and not their faith, consistency and hard work that paid off, but the skilfull work of a Surgeon.

Lastly a message to all the influencers out there, just tell us you saw Dr. Miami so we can stop getting IBS from Boo Tea👍

Diary OF a Lost Soul

30 Before 30 Bucket List

11 Apr 2018 No Comments

Last Sunday I reached another milestone in my life, the 8th of April 2018 marked my 29th birthday and the last year of my twenties. Yes guys, I am almost 30 years old😣

30 is that year that is supposed to be the life-changing era, according to society you are supposed to have figured out the meaning of life and be well on your way to mastering it by this age. But the reality is most of us are focused on just being able to come to terms with paying off our student loans never mind looking at the wider aspects of the future.

In my old age I have become a sentimental old lass and have always been a massive stickler for living my best life, so I am always up for trying new things and willing to go on adventures that will serve as lifelong memories. I felt the best way to honor all of these characteristics I possess and give me something to look back on was to start a bucket list of things that I have been thinking about doing for the longest but have either put off or chickened out of doing.

So I compiled all of my thoughts into a list of 30 things to do over the next year;

Travel somewhere I don’t know the language
Learn to forgive
Overcome a fear
Attend a Halloween party in full costume
Participate in Carnival
Finally get that tattoo you have been talking about for years
Travel solo
Get your business off the floor
Get your work-life balance in order
~~become more confident with fashion shoots~~
Embrace my body
Go on a road trip
~~Do something for your community~~
Complete a charity obstacle course
Go to an art class
Make my own flower wall
~~Get in touch with my faith~~
Try out more vegan recipes
Release a lantern into the sky
Do something that scares you
Learn to make your own clothing
Take a buying and merchandising course
Save money
Master Mindfulness
Accept and love yourself
Start dancing again
Expand the blog
Start a podcast
Pass my driving test
~~Generate another stream of income~~

My 20’s have been wonderful to me and I have probably gained most of my wisdom within the last 6 years, so I can only imagine how eventful the dirty 30’s will be. If any of my readers are as old as me or have started a bucket list for any other reason please let me know what you want to achieve in the comments. I will be keeping you guys up to speed on what I have achieved over the next year, and whether I complete it all or not I will still have so much to be proud of.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

We Know, Women Are Trash Too!

21 Mar 2018 No Comments

Source: Complex

I promise you if I hear about or see one more dude cry over another story from social media about a conniving female who has been caught out for cheating I am going to lose every one of my God given Marbles.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do not condone cheating at all it is definitely completely wrong under all circumstances. And I am of the sound understanding that if you feel like you aren’t getting what you need from your relationship be it reasonable or just damn right weird you should either discuss it with your partner or end the union. But as a woman growing and beginning to relate to the world I have been lied to, cheated on and just all out disrespected by the opposite sex in ways that should really put me off dating for the rest of my life and stewing in my celibacy.

Okay by now you guys have grasped that I am a drama Queen, but the point I am making is that these experiences have surely made me apprehensive about taking men as seriously as they would like me too.

As of late, I have noticed that men outing women for their infidelities has become a very public and common trend on social media platforms such as Twitter and Instagram. Men have been coming out in what appears to be the droves of acts of solidarity exposing women who have been caught in the act with another man or woman. Now, I repeat I do not agree with scandals such as cheating but this is something that has been happening to women around me and all over the world for as long as I can remember, and whenever I have witnessed it being discussed from our point of view it is ridiculed or palmed off as some twisted right of passage. As if the only thing to do in these situations is to dust yourself off and get back in the game otherwise your ovaries will dry all the way up searching for that perfect man that will never exist. So I am struggling to understand why it should be only be classified as Satans handiwork when it happens to men.

Every time I pose situations such as this to males in my company I often get given the same spiel explaining how different it is for them, how disrespected they feel by the women who deceive them because some of these men really look after the lady in question. They buy them expensive gifts and let them know that the bond that they have differs to that of any other woman and it ends in them feeling exploited.

But what I wanna know is, were you feeling this same level of betrayal when you went out on a lads night and watched your best friend take that girl’s number? Will you keep that same energy when you are bantering in the group chat about how many times you had sexual relations with the local bicycle from around the way and your long-term girlfriend still stays loyal?

Unfortunately, men and women are judged by differing standards in life. Clearly, it is acceptable in societies eyes for a young man growing up to sow his royal oats in as many pastures as he possibly can, whereas to a young woman heartbreak and consistent rebuilding of yourself from the damage caused is created to make you stronger. Plus do it in silence because it is a complete annoyance to hear you all loudly waiting to exhale all over the timeline.

Cheating is a form of disloyalty and dishonesty and any gender is susceptible to being treated with this level of betrayal. Life will throw things at you that a manual has never been written about and tell you to handle it, and everyone has a damn right to be pissed about it. But one person’s pain does not trump another, we should all be exempt from having to constantly combat this pain because respect should be renowned especially when building a relationship.

Karma is a terrible thing that strikes when you least expect it, so we should all be treating others how we feel we would deserve. And I know it appears to some as brotherly to support your homeboy when his girl raises the alarm again about that female that persistently likes all his Instagram posts within a 10-minute time frame. But at the end of the day wouldn’t you want someone to be checked by a nearest and dearest if the shoe was on the other foot.

What I am saying is do unto others as you would have them do unto you, because you never know when it is your turn to be the next cheating scandal on the timeline. My advice; listen to Drake, build a bridge and get over it… quietly😁

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Inspiration For a New Year

3 Jan 2018 No Comments

It has come to that old fateful time where most people begin to reflect on all of their achievements and transgressions of the last year with deep scrutiny, analyse them and vow to never become their former shell ever again. Unfortunately guys I am one of those sentimental individuals who reaches the start of a new year, and is strongly driven to make this year better than the last. But hear me out before ya’ll condemn me to the kingdom of corniness for eternity. My reason for doing it serves more of a motivational purpose than to create wildly unrealistic and unachievable goals. I refuse to put pressure on myself to appear wise and well thought out when really I get to the end of the year and thinking ” homegirl, what have you actually done”.

I devise what I would like to dub standards to shape ideas for what I should be adhering over the upcoming year. And if they don’t go exactly to plan than hey better luck next year boo.

So if you follow me on Instagram you will know that I brought in the new year vision boarding because I am a visual learner and some of the ideas I came up with were;

Continue with the glo-up of Cheap Clothes 4 Heauxs

I have been a blogger for almost 2 years, and although the progress has not been exactly what I thought it would be when I initially birthed my brain child. In 2017 I was really able to see the beginnings of the growth of my brand, when I was in the planning stages of starting the blog I low-key believed that it could blow-up overnight. And when it didn’t I was high-key disheartened and questioned it’s purpose. But looking back I have enjoyed every high and low of the process, and every part of it has been a a major key to teaching me everything I need to know to make the blog a million times better than it was last year.

Travel More

The best Instagram pictures are taken abroad and I am well deserving of my profile getting a boost. Okay, I joke but I really want to expand on the Robinson Crusoe that lives deep within me and get to different parts of the world. I have visited many countries in my life, but there is still so much that I have not seen… And it the photos will look amazing, but you can’t judge me I am a creative😋

Me time

I am a part-time blogger with a full-time job as my loyal followers are aware, so I feel as though I spend forever and a day working. Where my part-time role is one of my deepest loves Rea’s system can sometimes reach overload and even her better than Duracell batteries need a recharge, so I need to take time to look after my needs. Plus it will give me the opportunity to tick some things off my ever dusty bucket list, maybe learn a new skill or rebuild pastures with an old hobby.

Be in control of my health

Within the last couple of years I have felt that the social media has really played a huge part in showing us the deficits of the nations health and in particular the state of our food. So at the tail end of last year I began the transition into becoming a Vegan based on what I have learnt about our bodies and the effects poor eating habits can have on us, through this I have reignited my taste for exercise and I am aiming to get in tip top shape this year.

Exude confidence

We might aswell call this the confession hour because I am about to get real, I have battled with my physical appearance for most of my life. I can consistently feel confident in my ability to slay because I am your resident clothes horse, but to really look at myself and say “Serea you look beautiful” is a real ass struggle for me. So this year I am going to attempt to be more confident in what the good Lord gave me and praise my physical appearance a lot more.

Thank you to all of my followers, 2017 truly was my year of growth and I really have all of you to thank for it. I hope ya’ll are feeling as enthuasiastic as I am about the start of a new year. Stick around ya girl to be a part of all the antics I’ll be bringing to 2018.

Happy New Year