Experience Archives - Diary of a Lost Soul

The Pretty Girl Complex?!

12 Jan 2020 No Comments

Source: NBC News

I find the ideas for blog posts in some of the weirdest places, from nights out speaking to random strangers or overhearing conversations during my commute to work, it proves that anything is a topic for deep debate. But today’s inspiration was curated from the Instagram comments of commentator and Youtube talk show host ZeZe Millz, I literally never EVER read the comments sections of anyone I have followed unless someone points me in that direction. But as I was scrolling through in my unconscious social media zombie state I came across a screenshot of a tweet ZeZe had posted regarding her thoughts on the breaking news that it appears that Socialite and Model Lori Harvey has made it official with rapper Future.

Millz post alludes to the notion of women consistently being held to unreasonable standards by men in order to be considered “Wifey Material”, a phrase that is used to aid in categorising women in regards to their attributes but will completely abolish this standard for women who have a particular status or are aesthetically pleasing. I was about to continue scrolling, but it was a comment from Youtube BkChat debater Lucas that caught my attention which I felt tried to what other commenters coined as “Mansplain” reasons as to why Lori who since last year has been tied to a number of high profile industry men including Diddy, Trey Songz and Memphis DePay to name a few was exempt from this level of scrutiny due to her fame. Whereas regular women such as myself would be vilified for openly parading relationships with different men and branded a hoe.

screenshot_20200112-183427_instagram2363299858718811342.jpg — Source: Lori Harvey Instagram

Since the dawn of time women have been forced to create a perfect image not only physically but also to limit themselves sexually in order to capture the attention of men. This is not just for the nesting rewards, but also as a stroke to their ego for being one of the very few who have conquered the mountain dubbing her worthy for marriage. These are not specifications that are reciprocated, it has always been reasonable for men to be flawed during their younger years as they require time to grow and learn the world for themselves which could include them accumulating high numbers of sexual partners without a blemish to their likeness from female suitors.

This comment off lead me to believe that the standards for how women should conduct themselves continually fluctuate depending on the individual, meaning that this idea of the perfect or worthy woman never existed. I have been ranting and raving within a number of debates with friends and randoms about this concept and my views have been ousted by many including women who have been stuck in this paradox of being highly desirable to men that they have followed these unwritten rules to a tee, or concealed specific information to keep the appeal. I was always taught to carry myself with distinction in all ways, a lesson that my mother taught me not to fit in or allure others but for my own identity and growth so the decisions I made for myself as a woman growing up in this world was for nothing else but personal development. I remember back in the summer of 2019 when Lori began to hit the blogs for her escapades with different men, she was berated by males for serial dating. These are now some of the same men who are giving her a pass and praising her as a great woman within her relationship with serial baby father and lothario Future.

The world has changed drastically within the last couple of decades and social entities have shifted, so what may have considered unacceptable to the public is now widely received. Women have a completely different position in this world, and while I would never encourage another woman to find her worth by exploring her body with a vast amount of different people I would always advise that the decisions you are making make you feel comfortable not to please a man who has no idea what they are looking for themselves. Moral of the story is, Ladies don’t hold yourself to the standards of another, because you never know your MCM might end up dating the most sexually liberated girl on the timeline you were condemning before your eyes.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

The Perfect Lie

7 Oct 2018 No Comments

Source: Gentle Touch Plastic Surgery

Social media is what I like to call a gift and a curse, on one hand, it is a smart networking and marketing tool. On the other hand, it is the smart networking and marketing tool. Still confused, me too but as we already know the apps allow us to use snapshots and short videos to promote ourselves, businesses, lifestyles to an array of different individuals in cities across the globe that have nothing to go off about us but the profile of our best bits.

Between food porn and latest dance craze videos, one of the most popular types of pictures on social media is those of Influencers and Models. It’s like you cannot get through a feed without being bombarded with images of scantily clad women captioned with some sort of motivational quote.

Disclaimer, this is not a post bashing Influencers or Models because as a Blogger my duties often cross over into both world’s, and they do serve as role models for many people for various reasons. But sites such as Instagram are a breeding ground for creating falsehoods, with Commercial and Fitness models inundating the site with their profiles and generating myths on how to get the perfect bod, but tactfully leaving out the fact that their passport has a mysterious stamp from Turkey with no trace of the visit on their page.

Source: Cruise Plastic Surgery

At the moment plastic surgery is all the rage in this new era. It is difficult to come across anyone who has not had a nip, tuck or prick anywhere to enhance or even change their physical attributes completely. From Brazilian buttlifts to Dermal Fillers it is as easy to come by as visiting your local corner shop for your favourite pack of sweets.

One thing that has not changed is the individuals undergoing such procedures being open and honest about it instead of claiming that fitness and great health choices gave them the body of their dreams. For instance, Nakita Johnson well-known Youtuber, Model, and Actress came under fire this week after she was complimented by a follower about her physical appearance and asked who the surgeon was that helped her reach her desired state. Nakita denied any augmentations and gave all of her praises to family traits and God. This appeared to enrage her followers who dispelled her ideas of being a natural beauty and begun to drop pictures of her before she had surgery to verify that this was not just normal changes.

I caught onto all this drama so late that Nakita had begun to recant her tweets and I was unable to see her responses, but by the looks of the remaining comments from other users she didn’t appear to let the comments go over her head. I am far from a fan of body shaming so I frown upon putting another person down for their presentation, but the long and short of it all is that her body as stunning as it is, is not a result of just great genes and the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit taking control of your livelihood.

Nakita’s approach to the situation was similar to that of a few others who have been called out. Between the Jenners, the Kardashians and a bunch of other models who are considered to have “the perfect body” the common theme includes convincing the public that drastic differences in their looks are the result of a great makeup artist, going to the gym or the worst myth of them all drinking enough liters of water just short of drowning yourself.

If you are anything like me then some of you reading this post have succumbed to the body image demons and have indulged in a fad or 2. From Flat Tummy Tea to Appetite suppressants (for me it was the waist trainers) people across the globe have bought into unrealistic health trends because they have been promoted by a person who has falsified accounts of it being the number 1 method for their physique.

Due to science and technology moving on so fast it becomes increasingly harder to detect whether someone has had any enhancements. With some procedures only needing short recovery times, you can be in the chair and out within a matter of hours without anyone having a clue that you have been tweaked.

With Plastic Surgery being at its height at the moment, with more and more men and women admitting to going under the knife to make some changes it appears to be a much more acceptable amongst millennials. So I think we can all agree that we are a lot less likely to be bothered by someone choosing surgery to make alterations.

With all this being said the reality of the situation is that we should not be so easily led. It is a part of an influencers job to use photos to emulate the perfect life, friends and looks so we should expect for them to do this without a blemish. I think with the current state of the beauty standards perfectionism will always be a unique selling point and we can admire there state but also notice the differences in our structures. We as a community should stop believing and reinforcing these testimonials and idiot guides to the perfect bod because they are highly unattainable without a cost and not their faith, consistency and hard work that paid off, but the skilfull work of a Surgeon.

Lastly a message to all the influencers out there, just tell us you saw Dr. Miami so we can stop getting IBS from Boo Tea👍

Diary OF a Lost Soul

My Love Lessons

30 Sep 2018 1 Comment

I thought I had everything figured out when it came to men in my late teens, I remember sitting in our then kitchen on my very quiet and intimate family gathering for my 18th birthday listening to one of my aunt’s give a speech about growing into a woman. She is the realist aunt to touch these roads so this talk definitely included some sexual connotations that my mum wouldn’t dare to mention. But as hilarious and as well as spine-tinglingly cringing that experience was that is not the most memorable part of it.

What really makes me repeatedly facepalm myself were my own thoughts, my theory on relationships was wanting a man that did not involve a lot of work e.g flat pack Ikea type of man. You get all the parts you need, but you have to put it together yourself. I wanted a bespoke man that had all the pieces already together and just required a little polishing or some WD40 to keep the hinges from creaking. Because I was already in tune with the fact that I loved my own space and company (this decision I made after years of having an older sister) me and my boo were going to buy houses next to each other and live separately, so if we ever got sick of the sight of one another we would just go back to our own spaces right?

: Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

Yeeea, I was definitely a naive and antisocial bird. But this theory followed me through University where I had boyfriends and developed “situationships” that I barely had a pinky toes measurement of investment too. They messed around and I didn’t take them seriously, that was the motto.

But all of that changed when I turned 24 and met my now current boyfriend. At the time of meeting him, I was beyond tired of the male species. Nothing was new, exciting or spontaneous so I had a lack of interest in embarking on anything permanent.

Our relationship has been nothing short of rollercoaster full of many twists and turns but one I have been reluctant to get off. I have learned so much about not just other people but also myself. So here are a few things that falling in love has taught me;

Patience is a virtue

I always knew that I had low tolerance levels, probably a result of being in a alliance with my own company for so long. But having to accommodate another person’s thoughts and feelings is a difficult thing to do, even some of the most caring individuals struggle with this. There will be unmeasurable accounts of where your significant other will tap dance on the very last nerve you have left such as leaving their boxers on the bathroom floor even though they know you detest it. Just remember that the union you hope to build is made up of both parties working together, and this won’t work if you are trying to emulate the Bart Simpson strangle technique every time they do something you don’t agree with.

Boy will there be rough days

I was convinced that if you were with the right person then you are less likely to argue, or it will make it easier for the both of you to agree on things in a harmonious manner. Well, we all know how wrong I was and it demonstrated to me that lots of arguments don’t indicate a terrible relationship. The reality is that when 2 individuals join together they will both have different ideas which can of course cause clashes, but what I have learned is that those experiences are teachable moments that allow you to learn what is acceptable or unacceptable for one another.

a-committed-relationship-with-my-wonderful-boyfriend-748x421 — Source: The Frisky

Your partner is an alien!!!

If you thought you knew your beau you are sadly mistaken, there will be a moment down the line into your bond that you will look at your better half as if you are just now meeting them for the very first time. Relationships take time to master and the getting to know period is longer than the 6-month honeymoon stage that everyone talks about, within time the novelty of new love wears off and things are revealed that you never expected. Don’t be alarmed this is what you signed up for, it’s just the fine print of the T’s & C’s we all hate to look through.

Don’t lose yourself

Sometimes it feels like getting into a relationship puts you into this impenetrable bubble, it’s like when you are together nothing else matters. Before you and your significant other came together you had friends, hobbies, career choices etc. and none of this should change because you have made an addition to your life. I have found that it is very easy to get so wrapped up in the confines of your love, that it is easy to forget about all of the things that made you happy prior to this person entering your life. In order for relationships to be successful it requires a lot of work, never the less do not forget that you are also a work in progress that depends upon vast amounts of TLC in order for you to flourish and be the best you can be for yourself not just for someones else.

man holding baby s breath flower in front of woman standing near marble wall — Photo by vjapratama on Pexels.com

Love makes you different

Everything you said you would never do will rear its ugly head in so many different ways at unexpected moments it will have you wondering if your body has been taken over by foreign agents. For example, I used to despise public displays of affection. I would be cowering in my seat whenever I would catch a sight of a couple sucking face in plain sight, the sounds would make me seeth. But I now shamelessly hold hands, kiss and cuddle bae in a variety of different places like there is no one around. So never say you won’t do something because love will show you just how wrong you were.

Falling in love has been life changing, I wouldn’t change the trials and tribulations that I have been through in these last 4 years. /even at my lowest moments I have dried my tear stained face and smiled at the lesson each adversity has produced and I look forward to learning much more.