Mind Archives - Diary of a Lost Soul

The Pretty Girl Complex?!

12 Jan 2020 No Comments

Source: NBC News

I find the ideas for blog posts in some of the weirdest places, from nights out speaking to random strangers or overhearing conversations during my commute to work, it proves that anything is a topic for deep debate. But today’s inspiration was curated from the Instagram comments of commentator and Youtube talk show host ZeZe Millz, I literally never EVER read the comments sections of anyone I have followed unless someone points me in that direction. But as I was scrolling through in my unconscious social media zombie state I came across a screenshot of a tweet ZeZe had posted regarding her thoughts on the breaking news that it appears that Socialite and Model Lori Harvey has made it official with rapper Future.

Millz post alludes to the notion of women consistently being held to unreasonable standards by men in order to be considered “Wifey Material”, a phrase that is used to aid in categorising women in regards to their attributes but will completely abolish this standard for women who have a particular status or are aesthetically pleasing. I was about to continue scrolling, but it was a comment from Youtube BkChat debater Lucas that caught my attention which I felt tried to what other commenters coined as “Mansplain” reasons as to why Lori who since last year has been tied to a number of high profile industry men including Diddy, Trey Songz and Memphis DePay to name a few was exempt from this level of scrutiny due to her fame. Whereas regular women such as myself would be vilified for openly parading relationships with different men and branded a hoe.

screenshot_20200112-183427_instagram2363299858718811342.jpg — Source: Lori Harvey Instagram

Since the dawn of time women have been forced to create a perfect image not only physically but also to limit themselves sexually in order to capture the attention of men. This is not just for the nesting rewards, but also as a stroke to their ego for being one of the very few who have conquered the mountain dubbing her worthy for marriage. These are not specifications that are reciprocated, it has always been reasonable for men to be flawed during their younger years as they require time to grow and learn the world for themselves which could include them accumulating high numbers of sexual partners without a blemish to their likeness from female suitors.

This comment off lead me to believe that the standards for how women should conduct themselves continually fluctuate depending on the individual, meaning that this idea of the perfect or worthy woman never existed. I have been ranting and raving within a number of debates with friends and randoms about this concept and my views have been ousted by many including women who have been stuck in this paradox of being highly desirable to men that they have followed these unwritten rules to a tee, or concealed specific information to keep the appeal. I was always taught to carry myself with distinction in all ways, a lesson that my mother taught me not to fit in or allure others but for my own identity and growth so the decisions I made for myself as a woman growing up in this world was for nothing else but personal development. I remember back in the summer of 2019 when Lori began to hit the blogs for her escapades with different men, she was berated by males for serial dating. These are now some of the same men who are giving her a pass and praising her as a great woman within her relationship with serial baby father and lothario Future.

The world has changed drastically within the last couple of decades and social entities have shifted, so what may have considered unacceptable to the public is now widely received. Women have a completely different position in this world, and while I would never encourage another woman to find her worth by exploring her body with a vast amount of different people I would always advise that the decisions you are making make you feel comfortable not to please a man who has no idea what they are looking for themselves. Moral of the story is, Ladies don’t hold yourself to the standards of another, because you never know your MCM might end up dating the most sexually liberated girl on the timeline you were condemning before your eyes.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Life is a Struggle

27 Oct 2019 No Comments

Lately, I have been going through some heavy stuff, I feel like being in your 30’s is just as confusing and troubling as going through your teenage experience at times. Between relationships, career battles and watching some of your lifelong dreams crash down right on top of you the mental ware fare involved in picking up the pieces is real! Now I don’t want to dump on anyone or contradict myself because I truly have been enjoying this period of my life, but I am currently the most confident I have been and in turn it has strengthened my abilities to navigate such hardships.

Growing up I was always taught that if I remained focused and worked to the best of my abilities I would reap the rewards that I deserved, so I applied this ideology to all aspects of my life in perfect assurance that I would achieve all that I desired as I have always exceeded giving 100% towards any of my endeavours. No, I am not a millionaire, CEO of a major corporation or even halfway through the list of aspirations I have, but I am genuinely beyond impressed with the personal growth I have made over the years. And I think this is where this theory stops having any effect and the struggle begins.

close up photo of a woman — Photo by Marlon Schmeiski on Pexels.com

By the time I started embarking on my womanhood I was oozing independence and had the world at my feet, self-confessed control freak who could pull all the strings to my expectations and I was totally enthralled by it. But this all changed about five years ago when I got into my first ever serious relationship, it’s funny how that was the kickstarter to what began to show me that no matter what I do sometimes things will not always go the way I hope and that life is full to the brim of hardships that are difficult to navigate . The thought alone of not having the power over how things were governed was devastating enough, but then also realising that no matter how much effort I put in to steer away from certain eventualities it had no little to no effect. This threw me right off course and showed me there is no simple method of achieving what you want. At this point, everything that I used to have domination over initiated a take over on me at once including career, loss of friendships and just general life downs causing me to feel like my whole world was being shell shocked by despair.

After a shed load of tears and a few depressive states later I have come out of my pit and emerged with the understanding that life is never easy despite what people may say or try show you it will always be a struggle, and no matter how much money you earn or accolades you achieve there will always be something that will be waiting just to knock you off your totem pole. I wish that this was something that was shared with me during my formative years because I would have been saved from a load of heartache, but the minute I finally soaked that understanding in it stopped me from feeling so low about the problems of the world. I don’t want to be cliche and put the downfall of such theories on the shoulders of social media, but I definitely believe that there are a lack of truth-tellers sharing their losses in life and reassuring us all that nobody ever goes throughout their journey winning every fight they sign up for.

woman smiling — Photo by Vinicius Wiesehofer on Pexels.com

What I am trying to say is don’t be stunned when you find yourself on a path that you didn’t see coming it is totally normal and EVERYONE goes through this, welcome it and don’t let it knock you off your hustle. My favourite quote for 2019 that has helped me continue through my strife comes from the great Nipsey Hussle “The game will test you, never fold, stay ten toes down”. Life is a struggle but we can all make our way through it.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Sometimes You Gotta Take a Pause

29 Sep 2019 No Comments

First of all, I want to apologise for the lack of posts within the last couple of weeks. Just before I left for my Vacay in Mexico I started a few pieces, but time got the better of me and I was unable to complete any of them. Secondly, I want to take back my apology for not being able to post because the way how my life was set up before I left it would make sense for things to take a backseat and unfortunately, that thing was the blog. Confusing right, but this is literally my train of anxiety filled thoughts when I face situations where I cannot meet a commitment I have made. But I learnt a valuable lesson sitting on my hotel room balcony watching the calmness of the sea lapping against the shore as if it was a live stream from a Mindfulness app. That although you have a long list of to do’s, you may never finish them and that is fine because sometimes it is okay to take a pause in your life activities.

I am a born and bred Londoner through and through, so the fast-paced working spirit is not only a generational curse but also an environmental one. From the moment I step out on to those dull grey pavement slabs, I am consistently on the go as if roller skates have been permanently glued around my ankles. I think the only time I truly stop is when I sleep, and the weeks leading up to my departure I truly felt the effects of being constantly on the go, between trying to complete all my shopping and making arrangements for my Cat to be looked after in my absence I was severely overwhelmed by tasks and also the pressure to complete them so I was not letting anyone or even myself down.

I only spent a week in Cancun, but it felt so much longer because for the first time in so long I was truly still. I had plans and went on extreme excursions, but I was not a slave to my alarm clock or demands of others which allowed me to truly relax, and I had time to consolidate my thoughts. It made me think about my way of living and how it desperately needs to change. Despite loving all the things I am currently involved in including my job, blog and entrepreneurial intentions I have to find a way to balance it all so I don’t neglect my needs. I pondered over this idea of the perpetual need to accomplish things and grind and it brought me to the understanding that the minute we transition from young people to adults and begin embarking on our careers our personal time is snatched away from us and given to a company or organisation to do with as they please as if it is a right of passage. If we protest against such standards of living it is as if we will be penalised for advocating for our requirements or seen as non-committal, thus we begin to organise our personal lives around our professions leaving little to no time for reflection, growth or nurturing of relationships eventually causing them to wilt and suffer.

I believe it is a double-edged sword, because it is poor cultural underpinnings that have caused us to feel this way be it from our homes or the western world. There are no written rules that we have to make a choice regarding the split of time between our profession and our happiness, and from what I am learning from my Christian walk a lot more of our time is supposed to be used for spiritual education and understanding self. If we are spending the majority of our time routinely moving from one project to another where is the time to assess our inner-selves? It is our job to manage our schedules and get our priorities in check. When we notice that there are issues with our ways of living we are not supposed to allow anything else dictate our livelihoods or cause us to disregard our wellbeing, but the only way we can do that is if we have regularly allotted moments to stop and think.

So 7 days later mixed with a few Tequila shots I now know that despite one of my personal strengths being able to work under immense constraints, I have found that I am much more useful and productive when environments are less stressed and I have time to determine where my head is at. Organised chaos is my forte, but I for sure need to allocate more time to inner Rea who always holds it down for me and is a sitting duck when I am running myself ragged. So if you are anything like me an have a deep-hearted passion for all the things that you do, don’t feel guilty or allow others to press you about the denomination of your time. You will be far more useful when all parts of you are in agreement, and when it all gets too crazy just take a pause.