Motivation Archives - Diary of a Lost Soul

Happiness Is A Motivator, Not a Distraction

19 Jan 2025 No Comments

Welcome to 2025! A year where we choose to be motivated over deflated.

I’m entering this year with so much happiness and pride. Although I’m a bit late to the party this year, I spent the last few days of 2024 reflecting on the past, looking back at old footage and historic posts. My final thoughts? The growth is real.

If I could be a meme, it would definitely be “calling God to make sure I’m not on the ‘strongest soldiers’ list this year” because, let’s be honest, I’ve suffered enough in this life! Putting all the dramatic flair aside, I’m over being the Warrior, the Lioness, the Femme Fatale constantly battling through life.

ethnic woman drinking wine in bathtub — Photo by Monstera Production on Pexels.com

Now, I’m not advocating for a “soft life” because living as a baby girl 365 days a year is not a realistic goal. But I’m no longer willing to spend my energy gearing up for war every single day. I want to be motivated by happiness and love, not by the fear of pain and strife.

Growing up Black, it often feels like happiness should be a fleeting emotion, not a sustainable lifestyle. Whether it’s facing systemic racism, navigating micro-aggressions, or enduring the well-intentioned but sometimes misguided advice of our elders, we’re often encouraged to prioritise struggle and sacrifice.

The Origins of Grind Culture

Our parents, driven by a desire to see us surpass their successes, prioritised the importance of relentless pursuit of goals, sometimes at the expense of celebrating key milestones along the way. I remember achieving a significant accomplishment as a child and receiving praise, but that elation was quickly overshadowed by the unspoken expectation: “Isn’t this what you’re supposed to do?” Of course, it’s truest. But shouldn’t we also celebrate the hard work and dedication that got us there instead of it being considered the bare minimum?

One of my biggest fears has been making final decisions in life, I recently tackled that getting engaged. Looking back, it was definitely one of the happiest times of my life. Yet, I found myself quickly wanting to move on, to return to “business as usual.” I thought that it was due to me never being into weddings, but I realised this wasn’t just about being a “typical” bride; it was a deeper-rooted fear of fully embracing joy. I worried that enjoying happiness would make me so vulnerable, that it could be easily taken away.

woman in green trench coat sitting and leaning against a concrete red brick wall — Photo by Mikhail Nilov on Pexels.com

Fear or Flourish?

This fear was tragically amplified by the loss of a dear friend last year. We were just beginning to build a strong bond, sharing dreams and aspirations for the future. Her sudden passing was a devastating blow, reminding me of the fragility of life and the importance of cherishing every moment. This experience forced me to confront my fear of happiness head-on. I chose positivity over despair, deciding that I would no longer let fear dictate my life. I vowed to seize every opportunity that came my way and to truly recognise the joys along the journey.

This isn’t just personally, it’s a reflection of a broader societal issue. Growing up in communities often marginalised by the Western world, narratives of struggle and hardship often overshadow stories of abundance and joy. Our elders, despite their best intentions, may unknowingly continue these narratives, leading with stories of suffering that can leave us feeling burdened and limited in our options towards success.

Fortunately, the field of psychology has recognised the importance of “Subjective Well-being” – the idea that happiness and life satisfaction are not just fleeting emotions but important components for a fulfilling life. Research consistently demonstrates a strong correlation between happiness and increased productivity, creativity, and overall well-being.

woman in black t shirt sitting at the back of a van — Photo by KoolShooters on Pexels.com

Moving Forward

Embracing happiness isn’t about complacency; it’s about cultivating a mindset that fuels motivation from within. Celebrating milestones, big and small, reinforces our accomplishments and provides the energy to continue striving for our goals.

For me, finding happiness in my loving relationship has opened my eyes to new possibilities. It’s inspired me to explore new passions, to prioritise self-care, and to cultivate deeper connections with the people I love. It’s reminded me that joy is not a distraction but a powerful catalyst for growth and fulfilment.

If there is anything I want you to remember is, happiness is not a luxury; it’s a fundamental human right. Embrace it, nurture it, and let it fuel your journey towards a more fulfilling and meaningful life.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

The Pretty Girl Complex?!

12 Jan 2020 No Comments

Source: NBC News

I find the ideas for blog posts in some of the weirdest places, from nights out speaking to random strangers or overhearing conversations during my commute to work, it proves that anything is a topic for deep debate. But today’s inspiration was curated from the Instagram comments of commentator and Youtube talk show host ZeZe Millz, I literally never EVER read the comments sections of anyone I have followed unless someone points me in that direction. But as I was scrolling through in my unconscious social media zombie state I came across a screenshot of a tweet ZeZe had posted regarding her thoughts on the breaking news that it appears that Socialite and Model Lori Harvey has made it official with rapper Future.

Millz post alludes to the notion of women consistently being held to unreasonable standards by men in order to be considered “Wifey Material”, a phrase that is used to aid in categorising women in regards to their attributes but will completely abolish this standard for women who have a particular status or are aesthetically pleasing. I was about to continue scrolling, but it was a comment from Youtube BkChat debater Lucas that caught my attention which I felt tried to what other commenters coined as “Mansplain” reasons as to why Lori who since last year has been tied to a number of high profile industry men including Diddy, Trey Songz and Memphis DePay to name a few was exempt from this level of scrutiny due to her fame. Whereas regular women such as myself would be vilified for openly parading relationships with different men and branded a hoe.

screenshot_20200112-183427_instagram2363299858718811342.jpg — Source: Lori Harvey Instagram

Since the dawn of time women have been forced to create a perfect image not only physically but also to limit themselves sexually in order to capture the attention of men. This is not just for the nesting rewards, but also as a stroke to their ego for being one of the very few who have conquered the mountain dubbing her worthy for marriage. These are not specifications that are reciprocated, it has always been reasonable for men to be flawed during their younger years as they require time to grow and learn the world for themselves which could include them accumulating high numbers of sexual partners without a blemish to their likeness from female suitors.

This comment off lead me to believe that the standards for how women should conduct themselves continually fluctuate depending on the individual, meaning that this idea of the perfect or worthy woman never existed. I have been ranting and raving within a number of debates with friends and randoms about this concept and my views have been ousted by many including women who have been stuck in this paradox of being highly desirable to men that they have followed these unwritten rules to a tee, or concealed specific information to keep the appeal. I was always taught to carry myself with distinction in all ways, a lesson that my mother taught me not to fit in or allure others but for my own identity and growth so the decisions I made for myself as a woman growing up in this world was for nothing else but personal development. I remember back in the summer of 2019 when Lori began to hit the blogs for her escapades with different men, she was berated by males for serial dating. These are now some of the same men who are giving her a pass and praising her as a great woman within her relationship with serial baby father and lothario Future.

The world has changed drastically within the last couple of decades and social entities have shifted, so what may have considered unacceptable to the public is now widely received. Women have a completely different position in this world, and while I would never encourage another woman to find her worth by exploring her body with a vast amount of different people I would always advise that the decisions you are making make you feel comfortable not to please a man who has no idea what they are looking for themselves. Moral of the story is, Ladies don’t hold yourself to the standards of another, because you never know your MCM might end up dating the most sexually liberated girl on the timeline you were condemning before your eyes.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Be Your Own Spirit Animal

13 Oct 2019 No Comments

Throughout our lives, we are privileged to experience inspiration. At any given moment we can spontaneously be influenced by something we have seen or by someone we might know or follow, and when an individual is inspired by something it is usually superseded by empowerment which motivates them to reach out for their own goals and aspirations.

The term ‘Spirit Animal originally derived from Native Americans as an animal who chooses you, or you choose it for guidance & learning to help you throughout life. 21st-century millennials have remixed this ideology to fit with the current pop-culture, labelling the phrase as a person or character that represents your inner personality. Or someone who behaves as though they are showing your feelings through their own actions. Within the context of the most current understanding, a spirit animal can be anyone that a person may idolise or admire such as a family member, a friend, a celebrity, even a public figure. But I feel that there is a massive difference between admiration of one’s accomplishments and attempting to imitate another person’s lifestyle or journey.

unknown celebrity wearing black dress carrying black leather bag — Photo by Redrecords ©️ on Pexels.com

I have my very own spirit Goddess and she is nothing short of the amazing Mrs Carter, I respect Beyoncé because she is a boss, she is strong, and she consistently pushes boundaries to be the best and that is exactly what I aspire to be. But despite this, I am highly aware that I will never be Queen Bey for many reasons, as motivating as her path to greatness is she and I are completely different people and I sleep with ease being content with this. (p.s running on a treadmill while singing your guts off seems way too hard). But I have noticed that society tends to focus so much on the success of others that it can give off the impression that we have to follow one particular method to be successful and live a luxurious life.

For example, as a lifestyle blogger, my main aim is to conquer the internet with my posts full of wit, sass and life truths. Before I started the site, I was full of doubt because the web is crowded with other personalities of a stature similar to mine and it sometimes appears that other bloggers just blew up overnight. Whereas my blog as great as I feel my content is struggling to reach the right platforms. In the first year, I read copious articles researching on how to grow my following and the kinds of posts I would need to write to achieve that expectancy and none of these techniques has worked for my site to date. After I trashed myself for about an hour or so losing all faith in my hopes and dreams, I gained some clarity and realised that even though our goals might be identical to others within our field all of our pathways to said target will be very different, and the same model does not work for everyone.

woman lying on man s lap — Photo by Ali Müftüoğulları on Pexels.com

Sometimes I sit back and think what happened to embracing our own destiny? Why do we always attempt to manifest our purpose using another person’s blueprint? Now do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with using lessons and motivation from others to assist in guiding you towards your own merits, but sometimes it is as if watching other people’s success has blinded us from our own journeys. So when our lives do not amount to the triumph of another’s we become distressed or feel like failures. Sites like Youtube has built spaces for creatives to share their talents worldwide and whilst this has been a viable tool it has forced people into thinking that following the challenges/pranks/story-telling approach is sure to gain instant fame and fast money.

The struggle to identify our own values is what causes us to admire the worth of our neighbours, the reality of it is that we were all brought in to this world to succeed one way or another, and the way to win it all is to continue to work within our own purpose with the gifts we have been granted. We all have differences so we should use them, despite it being shunned by society the world is deeply desperate for variety of opinion, mindset and ideas so don’t feel conforming to the social norms is the key to giving you your hearts desires.

So believe in yourself, admire what you have been given and use that to motivate yourself. But most of all be your own damn spirit animal!

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Sometimes You Gotta Take a Pause

29 Sep 2019 No Comments

First of all, I want to apologise for the lack of posts within the last couple of weeks. Just before I left for my Vacay in Mexico I started a few pieces, but time got the better of me and I was unable to complete any of them. Secondly, I want to take back my apology for not being able to post because the way how my life was set up before I left it would make sense for things to take a backseat and unfortunately, that thing was the blog. Confusing right, but this is literally my train of anxiety filled thoughts when I face situations where I cannot meet a commitment I have made. But I learnt a valuable lesson sitting on my hotel room balcony watching the calmness of the sea lapping against the shore as if it was a live stream from a Mindfulness app. That although you have a long list of to do’s, you may never finish them and that is fine because sometimes it is okay to take a pause in your life activities.

I am a born and bred Londoner through and through, so the fast-paced working spirit is not only a generational curse but also an environmental one. From the moment I step out on to those dull grey pavement slabs, I am consistently on the go as if roller skates have been permanently glued around my ankles. I think the only time I truly stop is when I sleep, and the weeks leading up to my departure I truly felt the effects of being constantly on the go, between trying to complete all my shopping and making arrangements for my Cat to be looked after in my absence I was severely overwhelmed by tasks and also the pressure to complete them so I was not letting anyone or even myself down.

I only spent a week in Cancun, but it felt so much longer because for the first time in so long I was truly still. I had plans and went on extreme excursions, but I was not a slave to my alarm clock or demands of others which allowed me to truly relax, and I had time to consolidate my thoughts. It made me think about my way of living and how it desperately needs to change. Despite loving all the things I am currently involved in including my job, blog and entrepreneurial intentions I have to find a way to balance it all so I don’t neglect my needs. I pondered over this idea of the perpetual need to accomplish things and grind and it brought me to the understanding that the minute we transition from young people to adults and begin embarking on our careers our personal time is snatched away from us and given to a company or organisation to do with as they please as if it is a right of passage. If we protest against such standards of living it is as if we will be penalised for advocating for our requirements or seen as non-committal, thus we begin to organise our personal lives around our professions leaving little to no time for reflection, growth or nurturing of relationships eventually causing them to wilt and suffer.

I believe it is a double-edged sword, because it is poor cultural underpinnings that have caused us to feel this way be it from our homes or the western world. There are no written rules that we have to make a choice regarding the split of time between our profession and our happiness, and from what I am learning from my Christian walk a lot more of our time is supposed to be used for spiritual education and understanding self. If we are spending the majority of our time routinely moving from one project to another where is the time to assess our inner-selves? It is our job to manage our schedules and get our priorities in check. When we notice that there are issues with our ways of living we are not supposed to allow anything else dictate our livelihoods or cause us to disregard our wellbeing, but the only way we can do that is if we have regularly allotted moments to stop and think.

So 7 days later mixed with a few Tequila shots I now know that despite one of my personal strengths being able to work under immense constraints, I have found that I am much more useful and productive when environments are less stressed and I have time to determine where my head is at. Organised chaos is my forte, but I for sure need to allocate more time to inner Rea who always holds it down for me and is a sitting duck when I am running myself ragged. So if you are anything like me an have a deep-hearted passion for all the things that you do, don’t feel guilty or allow others to press you about the denomination of your time. You will be far more useful when all parts of you are in agreement, and when it all gets too crazy just take a pause.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

My Love Lessons

30 Sep 2018 1 Comment

I thought I had everything figured out when it came to men in my late teens, I remember sitting in our then kitchen on my very quiet and intimate family gathering for my 18th birthday listening to one of my aunt’s give a speech about growing into a woman. She is the realist aunt to touch these roads so this talk definitely included some sexual connotations that my mum wouldn’t dare to mention. But as hilarious and as well as spine-tinglingly cringing that experience was that is not the most memorable part of it.

What really makes me repeatedly facepalm myself were my own thoughts, my theory on relationships was wanting a man that did not involve a lot of work e.g flat pack Ikea type of man. You get all the parts you need, but you have to put it together yourself. I wanted a bespoke man that had all the pieces already together and just required a little polishing or some WD40 to keep the hinges from creaking. Because I was already in tune with the fact that I loved my own space and company (this decision I made after years of having an older sister) me and my boo were going to buy houses next to each other and live separately, so if we ever got sick of the sight of one another we would just go back to our own spaces right?

: Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

Yeeea, I was definitely a naive and antisocial bird. But this theory followed me through University where I had boyfriends and developed “situationships” that I barely had a pinky toes measurement of investment too. They messed around and I didn’t take them seriously, that was the motto.

But all of that changed when I turned 24 and met my now current boyfriend. At the time of meeting him, I was beyond tired of the male species. Nothing was new, exciting or spontaneous so I had a lack of interest in embarking on anything permanent.

Our relationship has been nothing short of rollercoaster full of many twists and turns but one I have been reluctant to get off. I have learned so much about not just other people but also myself. So here are a few things that falling in love has taught me;

Patience is a virtue

I always knew that I had low tolerance levels, probably a result of being in a alliance with my own company for so long. But having to accommodate another person’s thoughts and feelings is a difficult thing to do, even some of the most caring individuals struggle with this. There will be unmeasurable accounts of where your significant other will tap dance on the very last nerve you have left such as leaving their boxers on the bathroom floor even though they know you detest it. Just remember that the union you hope to build is made up of both parties working together, and this won’t work if you are trying to emulate the Bart Simpson strangle technique every time they do something you don’t agree with.

Boy will there be rough days

I was convinced that if you were with the right person then you are less likely to argue, or it will make it easier for the both of you to agree on things in a harmonious manner. Well, we all know how wrong I was and it demonstrated to me that lots of arguments don’t indicate a terrible relationship. The reality is that when 2 individuals join together they will both have different ideas which can of course cause clashes, but what I have learned is that those experiences are teachable moments that allow you to learn what is acceptable or unacceptable for one another.

a-committed-relationship-with-my-wonderful-boyfriend-748x421 — Source: The Frisky

Your partner is an alien!!!

If you thought you knew your beau you are sadly mistaken, there will be a moment down the line into your bond that you will look at your better half as if you are just now meeting them for the very first time. Relationships take time to master and the getting to know period is longer than the 6-month honeymoon stage that everyone talks about, within time the novelty of new love wears off and things are revealed that you never expected. Don’t be alarmed this is what you signed up for, it’s just the fine print of the T’s & C’s we all hate to look through.

Don’t lose yourself

Sometimes it feels like getting into a relationship puts you into this impenetrable bubble, it’s like when you are together nothing else matters. Before you and your significant other came together you had friends, hobbies, career choices etc. and none of this should change because you have made an addition to your life. I have found that it is very easy to get so wrapped up in the confines of your love, that it is easy to forget about all of the things that made you happy prior to this person entering your life. In order for relationships to be successful it requires a lot of work, never the less do not forget that you are also a work in progress that depends upon vast amounts of TLC in order for you to flourish and be the best you can be for yourself not just for someones else.

man holding baby s breath flower in front of woman standing near marble wall — Photo by vjapratama on Pexels.com

Love makes you different

Everything you said you would never do will rear its ugly head in so many different ways at unexpected moments it will have you wondering if your body has been taken over by foreign agents. For example, I used to despise public displays of affection. I would be cowering in my seat whenever I would catch a sight of a couple sucking face in plain sight, the sounds would make me seeth. But I now shamelessly hold hands, kiss and cuddle bae in a variety of different places like there is no one around. So never say you won’t do something because love will show you just how wrong you were.

Falling in love has been life changing, I wouldn’t change the trials and tribulations that I have been through in these last 4 years. /even at my lowest moments I have dried my tear stained face and smiled at the lesson each adversity has produced and I look forward to learning much more.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Admitting Depression

23 Sep 2018 4 Comments

Avid followers of Cheap Clothes 4 Heauxs would have noticed that I had been unusually quiet for a few months. As much as I often get plagued by the evil demon that is writer’s block, that was not the reason for my hiatus.

I have always been a happy soul, I laugh at just about anything possible. And within my 29 years of life, a lot of things have taken place that on paper really should have made me an inpatient on a psych ward. But between having a strong Mother as a role model and what I can only now put down to as guidance from the Lord I have managed to live somewhat of an unscathed life.

adult art conceptual dark — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Depression is a common mental disorder that causes people to experience low mood, loss of interest or pleasure, feelings of guilt or low self-worth, disturbed sleep or appetite, low energy, and poor concentration. (Mental Health Foundation 2018)

Probably one of the most discussed topics of the 21st century, but at the same time a condition I believed I was completely unworthy of. Now when I say this, I mean it in terms of how can someone of my privilege have the audacity to use the term when I have a roof over my head, a stable job, a family to share my troubles with. How can I say that I have suffered from depression when society deems me to not be an individual in turmoil?

2018 has been a year for the record books for me. I have had to deal with my four-year relationship with who I consider the love of my life hanging in the balance, having issues with my family, and not to mention a new job that just didn’t work out how I planned. All of this had completely drained my positivity reserve tank and left me flat out.

woman sleeping — Photo by Ivan Obolensky on Pexels.com

These experiences lead me to suffer from sleepless nights, poor motivation which made me struggle to get out of bed, really low moods, even a small suicidal thought or two and even then I refused to claim that what was happening to me was something I couldn’t easily pull myself out of. Due to the nature of my full-time job it has always been a heavy stressor, but I found within this very dark time that it was my safe haven because work was the only place that I had stability and structure. So I tried to use it as a form of therapy to stay grounded, but it wasn’t until I sat in my managers office to crack a joke and ended up in a flood of uncontrollable tears that I was able to face reality and realise that this wasn’t just a bad day, I couldn’t manage these feelings alone. It was real, I was suffering from a mental health illness.

That moment changed my way of thinking for good. Growing up I was always taught that I had to be strong to get through any difficult time, that dwelling over the situation or labeling it would only prevent me from moving forward from the situation. So I would throw myself into different activities to push myself to progress from it or serve as a distraction. As much as this advice has some merit to it, it is not a permanent fix and what I now believe has in lead me to the cause of my depression.

photo of woman wearing funky dress — Photo by Godisable Jacob on Pexels.com

So I did the exact opposite of my normal process, I assessed all of the issues I was enduring at once and told myself that all the emotions I am feeling were valid. I wasn’t overreacting this was actual trauma. I stopped comparing my suffering to others, and last but not least I said the well-needed words out loud in front of the mirror “Serea, you are depressed”. Once I said those words it was like I was free to feel all the emotions I had locked up inside to cope.

After accepting my state I found that my head became clearer, I found it easier to talk about the emotional disturbance that had taken place inside my head. I cried some more, I got angry and I ate sooo much comfort food, but I was able to understand and manage what was taking place.

photo of woman wearing white top — Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I would love to end this story by saying that I am now been miraculously healed and probably will never see another low mood again, but the reality is that life comes with its ups and downs so I still live day to day with all these feelings. But being honest with myself and admitting my current position was definitely a great start to being able to manage the internal drama within me, I am far more stable and positive then I was a few months ago and willing to conquer anything that comes my way.

If there is any advice I could give to other people dealing with something similar, it would be that it does not make you less of a person to admit that you have moments of severe weakness. It is okay to seek support for your problems no matter the size of them, and most importantly never give up on yourself because this for sure is not your final form.