Personal Development Archives - Diary of a Lost Soul

Getting Real About Accountability

19 Aug 2024 2 Comments

Accountability

Another buzzword that is all over Instagram and TikTok. If you scroll through your FYP, you will probably find many videos speaking to this topic in some way. Its origins are within the corporate industry, explaining the culpability or liability an organisation owns about its mission. Basically, it means that it is at the beginning and end of everything we do. Merriam-Webster describes the term as “the action or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions”. This is a major staple value for all of us no matter who we are. In a world that often encourages blame-shifting, embracing accountability can be a game-changer. Let’s explore how it can transform your life.

Breaking Free from Familial Patterns

Growing up I was a liar. I couldn’t even say whether it was tall tales or white lies. I did them all. If trouble was afoot, I was going to fabricate a story that would keep me out of the firing line. I was gracious enough not to take anyone down with me, but I definitely wasn’t here for the smoke. When I look back on some of these experiences, I think it was a learned trait. It helped me dance around the hard truths of situations. My family lineage has some strong men and women, who have made some life-changing experiences that set us on par for where we are today. And although I admire what they have achieved, on reflection, their resilience wasn’t borne alone out of strength. While we admire the resilience of our ancestors, it’s essential to acknowledge that their struggles were often compounded by a lack of accountability. This isn’t about placing blame but recognising that their choices, influenced by their time and circumstances, shaped their lives. By understanding these patterns, we can break free from them and forge our own path.

Now I do not want to victim blame. There are many situations like abuse and violence that nobody should be subjected to. And in my eyes there is no viable reason for these to happen to anyone. Intersectionality has a heavy impact on a person’s ability to overcome difficulties. The more barriers set before you, the harder you have to work to achieve the goal you so desperately seek. But if there is anything I have found, it is this. Nobody has more of a hand in changing your situation than you do. It starts with accepting that maybe you are wrong about the way you have been approaching things.

relaxing black woman with blue facial treatment mask on face with smartphone — Photo by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

Overcoming Challenges Through Accountability

Taking my journey with relationships for example. If I open up the archives there is more than enough evidence to prove that trusting the human race is something that should be exercised with extreme caution. As humans we thrive through social interaction. I have accomplished some of my greatest feats with others beside me. These people provided opportunities that changed my life. I would truly be cutting off my nose to spite my face if I chose to ignore those positives. But I remember a time where I placed myself in isolation as a protection measure. I was surrounded by deep fear and anxiety. The thought of allowing another to own any space in my life, would result in my downfall. As much as I love my own company, I had to own that It would not be as enjoyable if it was my permanent fixture. I found that it wasn’t the act of having people around me that would destroy my soul. But the quality of those who were in situ. To attract the new team, I had to get out of my own way. I had to let go of the feelings of desperation, and let go of the 7 foot electric fencing and rebuild my trust in humanity one connection at a time.

Personally, if you ask me part of the reason why people struggle to be accountable for their behaviour is the aire of baring responsibility for their anguish. Ego and privilege can often hinder our ability to be accountable. It takes courage to admit our shortcomings. By practicing self-reflection, we can identify areas for improvement and make necessary adjustments. admitting our own wrongdoings are a part of why we aren’t where we want to be is hard to do. And when that ahh haah moment arrives instead of accepting it we double down continuing the same practices that are dishonouring the life we hope to lead. You have to ask yourself if forcing righteousness is more important than having access to the life you see others enjoying?

unrecognizable black woman creating colorful dust during holi on embankment — Photo by Raquel Sílva on Pexels.com

Taking Action

American educator Stephen Covey said accountability means response-ability, basically meaning that when we take ownership of what is happening in our lives we create the ability to amend the direction we are going in. No matter what is given to you on the voyage of life, you will always take action to make the outcome a possibility. Don’t sit and wait for your big break to land in your lap. Get out there, grab the bull by the reins and do something that will jump-start your trajectory towards what you need. Accountability is not just about recognising our mistakes; it’s about taking steps to rectify them. This involves setting clear goals, creating actionable plans, and consistently working towards them. Remember, small steps can lead to significant changes.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

In This Dark World Your Enthusiasm Will Be A Problem

11 Sep 2022 2 Comments

I have received positive feedback this week, but I am left with many questions, as I should be filled with elation bursting at the seams for hitting a target both professionally and personally that will propel me forward toward my carefully curated year-long plan as I look forward to it. In light of this, I ended yesterday on an all-time low because of comments made about my characteristics, which I have always heard but never really understood.

It has been brought up in other posts, but my personality type hasn’t always been well received by most people. Because of this I have struggled to understand people and their motives. In an effort to grow as an individual, in my 20s I set myself a task to take more time to explore these feelings for myself and others. This was so that overall I could have better relationships. Although this was helpful, I found myself tormented by other’s expectations of me and became clear about my people-pleasing nature which in turn manifested into a lack of self-care and self-awareness. By the time I was 30 I was awakened and embarked on the journey of self-discovery, so I consolidated my own wants and needs and located my voice (although it still wavers at times). I would love to say this has the ending of a chick flick movie where the teenie boppers are destined to have a long-lasting relationship supporting each other towards their dreams, but sadly no. This is more like a horror movie where only the lead character survives and wonders how civilisation is going to survive amidst the devastation.

I may be sounding slightly dramatic, but I think it is fair as I am just wrapping my head around these emotions. But I think we are so caught up in deciding how people should present instead of understanding that we all hold our place in society. In other words if you don’t like the way I am you should probably just drink your water and mind your business. I know this is a personal issue and we can never be entirely sI have received positive feedback this week, but I am left with many questions, as I should be filled with elation bursting at the seams for hitting a target both professionally and personally that will propel me forward towards my carefully curated year-long plan as I look forward to it. In light of this, I ended yesterday on an all-time low because of comments made about my characteristics, which I have always heard but never really understood.

Being oneself is not celebrated enough, and if you were like me, who had dreams of living life unapologetically with a passion that burns brighter than the sun, you might have been shocked to discover that adult circles can be just as divisive and juvenile as those in the playground. It is possible to be ridiculed and ostracised for wanting change and taking action to alter your environment. This is because it is not easy to evoke positivity and these views can be shot down by those who perceive themselves as your allies.

Despite my spiral I have been fighting to move past these feelings so have relied on echoed advice from some of my trusted advisers that is helping me lean towards the resilient side of my soul. We all need feedback to grow. That can mean we are provided with comments that highlight areas for development. These can be hard to receive but these should not be used as a weapon to bring us down or encourage majorly changing our character to suit the crowd. There is nothing wrong with being yourself and although that might cause contention among some of the groups you may be subscribed to it doesn’t mean you need to overhaul yourself to fit in because I am sure even if you make those changes they will still return with further alterations. Overall keep shining your light even if it burns people’s eyes, misery often loves company and even if people struggle to manage the bounce in your step it is better to be enthusiastic bringing brightness to the darkness of this world.

P.S I hope this post provides as much healing for you as it has for me in these last 48 hours 🥰

Diary OF a Lost Soul

The Journey to Philautia

17 May 2021 1 Comment

Philautia is the ancient Greek word for self-love, it is a term that is often used amongst the millennial culture meaning to tend to your own needs and wellbeing without sacrificing yourself for the pleasure of others. But I struggle to see evidence of how it demonstrated well despite the copious use of bubble baths, and solo trips around the world it makes me wonder do we really love ourselves as much as we say we do?

I think we can all agree that we are probably our worst enemies, no matter what someone can say or do to us we have probably done worse. It doesn’t mean that we despise every living and breathing thing about ourselves but spend a lot of time being self-critical about most of the things we do which builds a very undesirable picture of self. Team that with the distorted and hateful views of society and you get one big ball of self-destruction. The pandemic taught me that I am incredulously mean and disregarding of myself, from pushing myself to the absolute limit career-wise, not to mention the relationship between me and my body, I have heavily supported in turning myself into someone I wouldn’t want to spend time with alone.

As a blogger and avid reader of personal development informed texts, I become enraged when the latest portions encouraging me to love myself are concluded with the concept that taking a bath, regular face masks or booking a spa weekend will make me feel better about myself. I am a hard worker, so to gain some control and balance over my life I would play hard with my besties mainly on the raw streets of Shoreditch on the weekends living my best alcohol filled life, sleeping it off until Monday, then trudging it through a hectic work week all over again. When the earth stood still in the name of a virus, combined with a breakup from a long-term relationship (we will get to this one in another post) I was left with none of my crutches to distract me from the lacklustre life I was leading. The silence was deafening, and it was within those moments that I knew that there was nothing else left to do but tackle those deep dark parts of my mind that I had compartmentalised for so long, and no bubble bath brand had the strength to cure those.

Now, I don’t want to throw shade at anyone who uses any of the above-mentioned methods to take care of themselves as I agree that they serve a purpose. But what I argue is that they don’t truly heal us, it is like putting a plaster over your pain it has very little effect including the fact that we don’t all have the revenue to regularly engage in these activities the minute our mood drops. The biggest part of self-care is the inner work, the things that warm our soul so we feel good from the inside out. It has taken a stint in counselling, implementing food and lifestyle change, journaling and prayer to support the journey to truly show the love to myself I truly deserve. I can’t pinpoint when I jumped on the self-hate train but it really embedded itself within my teen years, and I realised undoing that level of indoctrination worthies more than a few packets of Superdrug’s finest face masks. I spent a lot of time loving other people in a way that I should’ve been loving myself, and until I got real and faced the hard truths about life, I was unable to feel comfortable in my own skin.

So, I challenge you all to take a leap and dig deep into your souls. Those thoughts that randomly resurface, embrace them, name them and take care of them. Show the kindness you give to others to yourself at your most difficult times, and most important of all learn what true love is, what you are giving out so freely to others must be given to yourself first… then run and tell me how soothing that bubble bath really was?