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The Pretty Girl Complex?!

12 Jan 2020 No Comments

Source: NBC News

I find the ideas for blog posts in some of the weirdest places, from nights out speaking to random strangers or overhearing conversations during my commute to work, it proves that anything is a topic for deep debate. But today’s inspiration was curated from the Instagram comments of commentator and Youtube talk show host ZeZe Millz, I literally never EVER read the comments sections of anyone I have followed unless someone points me in that direction. But as I was scrolling through in my unconscious social media zombie state I came across a screenshot of a tweet ZeZe had posted regarding her thoughts on the breaking news that it appears that Socialite and Model Lori Harvey has made it official with rapper Future.

Millz post alludes to the notion of women consistently being held to unreasonable standards by men in order to be considered “Wifey Material”, a phrase that is used to aid in categorising women in regards to their attributes but will completely abolish this standard for women who have a particular status or are aesthetically pleasing. I was about to continue scrolling, but it was a comment from Youtube BkChat debater Lucas that caught my attention which I felt tried to what other commenters coined as “Mansplain” reasons as to why Lori who since last year has been tied to a number of high profile industry men including Diddy, Trey Songz and Memphis DePay to name a few was exempt from this level of scrutiny due to her fame. Whereas regular women such as myself would be vilified for openly parading relationships with different men and branded a hoe.

screenshot_20200112-183427_instagram2363299858718811342.jpg — Source: Lori Harvey Instagram

Since the dawn of time women have been forced to create a perfect image not only physically but also to limit themselves sexually in order to capture the attention of men. This is not just for the nesting rewards, but also as a stroke to their ego for being one of the very few who have conquered the mountain dubbing her worthy for marriage. These are not specifications that are reciprocated, it has always been reasonable for men to be flawed during their younger years as they require time to grow and learn the world for themselves which could include them accumulating high numbers of sexual partners without a blemish to their likeness from female suitors.

This comment off lead me to believe that the standards for how women should conduct themselves continually fluctuate depending on the individual, meaning that this idea of the perfect or worthy woman never existed. I have been ranting and raving within a number of debates with friends and randoms about this concept and my views have been ousted by many including women who have been stuck in this paradox of being highly desirable to men that they have followed these unwritten rules to a tee, or concealed specific information to keep the appeal. I was always taught to carry myself with distinction in all ways, a lesson that my mother taught me not to fit in or allure others but for my own identity and growth so the decisions I made for myself as a woman growing up in this world was for nothing else but personal development. I remember back in the summer of 2019 when Lori began to hit the blogs for her escapades with different men, she was berated by males for serial dating. These are now some of the same men who are giving her a pass and praising her as a great woman within her relationship with serial baby father and lothario Future.

The world has changed drastically within the last couple of decades and social entities have shifted, so what may have considered unacceptable to the public is now widely received. Women have a completely different position in this world, and while I would never encourage another woman to find her worth by exploring her body with a vast amount of different people I would always advise that the decisions you are making make you feel comfortable not to please a man who has no idea what they are looking for themselves. Moral of the story is, Ladies don’t hold yourself to the standards of another, because you never know your MCM might end up dating the most sexually liberated girl on the timeline you were condemning before your eyes.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Sometimes You Gotta Take a Pause

29 Sep 2019 No Comments

First of all, I want to apologise for the lack of posts within the last couple of weeks. Just before I left for my Vacay in Mexico I started a few pieces, but time got the better of me and I was unable to complete any of them. Secondly, I want to take back my apology for not being able to post because the way how my life was set up before I left it would make sense for things to take a backseat and unfortunately, that thing was the blog. Confusing right, but this is literally my train of anxiety filled thoughts when I face situations where I cannot meet a commitment I have made. But I learnt a valuable lesson sitting on my hotel room balcony watching the calmness of the sea lapping against the shore as if it was a live stream from a Mindfulness app. That although you have a long list of to do’s, you may never finish them and that is fine because sometimes it is okay to take a pause in your life activities.

I am a born and bred Londoner through and through, so the fast-paced working spirit is not only a generational curse but also an environmental one. From the moment I step out on to those dull grey pavement slabs, I am consistently on the go as if roller skates have been permanently glued around my ankles. I think the only time I truly stop is when I sleep, and the weeks leading up to my departure I truly felt the effects of being constantly on the go, between trying to complete all my shopping and making arrangements for my Cat to be looked after in my absence I was severely overwhelmed by tasks and also the pressure to complete them so I was not letting anyone or even myself down.

I only spent a week in Cancun, but it felt so much longer because for the first time in so long I was truly still. I had plans and went on extreme excursions, but I was not a slave to my alarm clock or demands of others which allowed me to truly relax, and I had time to consolidate my thoughts. It made me think about my way of living and how it desperately needs to change. Despite loving all the things I am currently involved in including my job, blog and entrepreneurial intentions I have to find a way to balance it all so I don’t neglect my needs. I pondered over this idea of the perpetual need to accomplish things and grind and it brought me to the understanding that the minute we transition from young people to adults and begin embarking on our careers our personal time is snatched away from us and given to a company or organisation to do with as they please as if it is a right of passage. If we protest against such standards of living it is as if we will be penalised for advocating for our requirements or seen as non-committal, thus we begin to organise our personal lives around our professions leaving little to no time for reflection, growth or nurturing of relationships eventually causing them to wilt and suffer.

I believe it is a double-edged sword, because it is poor cultural underpinnings that have caused us to feel this way be it from our homes or the western world. There are no written rules that we have to make a choice regarding the split of time between our profession and our happiness, and from what I am learning from my Christian walk a lot more of our time is supposed to be used for spiritual education and understanding self. If we are spending the majority of our time routinely moving from one project to another where is the time to assess our inner-selves? It is our job to manage our schedules and get our priorities in check. When we notice that there are issues with our ways of living we are not supposed to allow anything else dictate our livelihoods or cause us to disregard our wellbeing, but the only way we can do that is if we have regularly allotted moments to stop and think.

So 7 days later mixed with a few Tequila shots I now know that despite one of my personal strengths being able to work under immense constraints, I have found that I am much more useful and productive when environments are less stressed and I have time to determine where my head is at. Organised chaos is my forte, but I for sure need to allocate more time to inner Rea who always holds it down for me and is a sitting duck when I am running myself ragged. So if you are anything like me an have a deep-hearted passion for all the things that you do, don’t feel guilty or allow others to press you about the denomination of your time. You will be far more useful when all parts of you are in agreement, and when it all gets too crazy just take a pause.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Don’t Be a Lazy Woman

8 Sep 2019 2 Comments

As I was scrolling through Twitter AKA the platform for re-occurring and jarring debates, the discussion of finances and which gender was responsible for paying the rent was roused. I was beyond shocked and astounded to see the volume of women vehemently promoting that it is their husbands/partners sole duty to pay full rent or mortgage payments renouncing their culpability to contribute to their household, offering a small portion towards household bills. Now I caught wind of this conversation real late, but you know I was heated because it is mind-boggling how after so many years of women fighting for equal rights to education and to just be treated like normal citizens this is the ideology we are subscribing to?

I come from a family where the majority is female, and I attended an all girl secondary school (worst experience of my life but we’ll get into that in another post) so I have had a lot of experience, and what I have noticed is that sometimes we can become spoilt and entitled. Lots of us growing up were pampered and called princesses our whole lives and rightly so, but it can go straight to our heads which could remove all sense of our obligation and purpose within relationships and the families we aim to build. The current economic status of the country does not support young adults to exercise their right to independence, so this means most Millenials are forced to lodge with their parents in their childhood homes causing this pampered theory to reside within their minds and become their way of living. And realistically when your own parents are encouraging you to opt-out of the terms included with becoming an adult such as contributing to bills or household rent, what makes anyone want to continue that when you move out?

Image result for strong black family — Source: The Urban Source Magazine

Growing up I was surrounded by such independent women and hardworking people that I had no choice for it to be ingrained into me. Early on into my 20’s I was rushed into living an independent life prior to getting into a relationship and living with my boyfriend. The ability to provide and look after myself added to my self-esteem, I felt proud that I could sustain my lifestyle and it helped me grow as a woman. I was aware of what was a necessity vs the things I just wanted to acquire, and having a partner to support me through this transitional period of my life has only enhanced this understanding and given me the opportunity add to the lifestyle as the responsibility is now shared. I know people get tired of hearing it but as we know our ancestors fought many battles to gain equality for women, despite the lives that were lost this is not a war that is over. Day after day we continue to debate over matters that desire for us to be protected at all cost and it makes me more than upset to see it be thrown away by our own kind with selfish remarks that only preserve us that right to continue to save money to wear labels and have copious amounts of Peruvian bundles.

Might I also add that it has been a known fact finances are one of the major reasons for breakdowns in marriages and relationships, in 2018 The Independent reported on research conducted by Slater and Gordon legal firm which found that difficulties with money were the main reason for a third of divorce petitions made. So clearly it is a crucial element for both parties to pull their weight in regards to maintaining financial commitments as the progression of relationships are at stake. Money matters should be discussed and agreed on and as long as both parties are happy with the decisions and that they are fair then so be it, but there is no gender denomination that should stipulate household responsibilities.

three women taking selfie — Photo by Christopher Boyd on Pexels.com

We are all capable of taking care of ourselves and relationships are a support mechanism for that, not a crutch that can be used when it suits someone. The same pressure we talk about laid upon us to put aside our careers to be mothers is the same burden placed upon men when we turn them into cash cows insisting they fund large portions of our lifestyles. Now if the opportunity to be supported financially presents itself then I believe that it can be embraced, what it should not be is exploited or set as a standard that demands one individual take care of another just because. Women are consistently being dragged for being gold diggers by men and when topics such as this arise and I see the responses sometimes I don’t blame them, as our self-centred and prissy ways sometimes get in the way of reality. Being a woman means exuding strength and we shouldn’t allow anything to get in the way of that, we are built to not only take care of ourselves but also others and this is something we should in whatever way possible strive to do. So, in other words, ALWAYS contribute fairly to your lifestyle and don’t be a lazy woman!

Diary OF a Lost Soul

He Cares Not For Your Tear’s Sis

18 Aug 2019 No Comments

From the tender age of about 5 or 6, I remember being told “crying is for babies”, as I evolved in age it changed to “crying is a weakness”. As much as my weekly counselling sessions vehemently refute the latter statement I agree with it to a certain degree, crying is a valid emotion that should be as freely released as anger, happiness or sadness. But there is one instance in which I will never share this emotion and that is in front of an uncaring man.

Now, I know some of my fellow sisters might strongly disagree with me and retort “so you won’t ever cry in front of your boyfriend or husband” and the answer is yes, I sure will. And the reason for this is because I would hope that the above mentioned would not be anyone who wished any less than the best for me. My use for the term ‘uncaring man’ defines a dude who has wronged you and fails to demonstrate any type of remorse towards the pain he has or may have caused you by his actions. Why such a militant response to another’s actions you ask?

photo of a person leaning on wooden window — Photo by Dương Nhân on Pexels.com

Both men and women are emotional beings, but I believe regardless of whether women show it our actions are more likely to be fuelled by the emotion we are experiencing within that moment. I am a hibernator of mine, so they are usually stored inside laying dormant until they are unleashed by a situation or a person that has either made me deeply sad or triggered the inferno sized blaze within me. Crying is probably one of the most vulnerable points for any individual, so it makes me infuriated to the highest degree when I see a woman reveal some of the most sacred parts of herself to a man who clearly sees this not as a bearing of her soul but an annoyance or waste of his time.

In the last few years, studies have eluded to the therapeutic elements of crying. (Psychology Today 2010) discusses the health benefits of tears in regards to our emotional state, It mentions emotional tears containing stress hormones and toxins that are released when we cry and also stimulate the release of endorphins which are natural painkillers.

I always advise any woman I consider dear to me not to cry in front of men for many reasons;

Men hate and are afraid of a woman’s tears
They cannot always comprehend the emotion behind the action
It makes them uncomfortable
They will say anything (lie) to make it stop
They see them as a weapon against them

blonde hair blur daylight environment — Photo by Sebastian Voortman on Pexels.com

Now I see crying as a therapeutic activity, not only do I psychologically feel freed after a Kim Kardashian style ugly crying face sob but those tight knots I always noticed but failed to see loosen as if an instant calm rushes over my body like the ending of a storm. This feeling of euphoria is only disturbed when the emotions you are sharing are not reciprocated or at least empathised. We have the right to be vulnerable in public as it is a method of healing for us, but that moment of clarity is stolen from us when the person we choose to share it with demonstrates that it has no place in their lives.

Our sister circles, therapists, family even co-workers can offer a stronger source of counsel than a retaliated “it’s not that deep”. Expose yourself to the people that will offer you support within moments where you require love and attention, not criticise or ridicule some of your most painful and sacred expressions. By no means am I encouraging us females to be fearful of showing emotions as it is healthy to release them because a man who truly cares for your wellbeing will nurture and protect all sides of you, but I urge my girls to be wary of terrified boys masked as men because they care not for your tears.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

My Love Lessons

30 Sep 2018 1 Comment

I thought I had everything figured out when it came to men in my late teens, I remember sitting in our then kitchen on my very quiet and intimate family gathering for my 18th birthday listening to one of my aunt’s give a speech about growing into a woman. She is the realist aunt to touch these roads so this talk definitely included some sexual connotations that my mum wouldn’t dare to mention. But as hilarious and as well as spine-tinglingly cringing that experience was that is not the most memorable part of it.

What really makes me repeatedly facepalm myself were my own thoughts, my theory on relationships was wanting a man that did not involve a lot of work e.g flat pack Ikea type of man. You get all the parts you need, but you have to put it together yourself. I wanted a bespoke man that had all the pieces already together and just required a little polishing or some WD40 to keep the hinges from creaking. Because I was already in tune with the fact that I loved my own space and company (this decision I made after years of having an older sister) me and my boo were going to buy houses next to each other and live separately, so if we ever got sick of the sight of one another we would just go back to our own spaces right?

: Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

Yeeea, I was definitely a naive and antisocial bird. But this theory followed me through University where I had boyfriends and developed “situationships” that I barely had a pinky toes measurement of investment too. They messed around and I didn’t take them seriously, that was the motto.

But all of that changed when I turned 24 and met my now current boyfriend. At the time of meeting him, I was beyond tired of the male species. Nothing was new, exciting or spontaneous so I had a lack of interest in embarking on anything permanent.

Our relationship has been nothing short of rollercoaster full of many twists and turns but one I have been reluctant to get off. I have learned so much about not just other people but also myself. So here are a few things that falling in love has taught me;

Patience is a virtue

I always knew that I had low tolerance levels, probably a result of being in a alliance with my own company for so long. But having to accommodate another person’s thoughts and feelings is a difficult thing to do, even some of the most caring individuals struggle with this. There will be unmeasurable accounts of where your significant other will tap dance on the very last nerve you have left such as leaving their boxers on the bathroom floor even though they know you detest it. Just remember that the union you hope to build is made up of both parties working together, and this won’t work if you are trying to emulate the Bart Simpson strangle technique every time they do something you don’t agree with.

Boy will there be rough days

I was convinced that if you were with the right person then you are less likely to argue, or it will make it easier for the both of you to agree on things in a harmonious manner. Well, we all know how wrong I was and it demonstrated to me that lots of arguments don’t indicate a terrible relationship. The reality is that when 2 individuals join together they will both have different ideas which can of course cause clashes, but what I have learned is that those experiences are teachable moments that allow you to learn what is acceptable or unacceptable for one another.

a-committed-relationship-with-my-wonderful-boyfriend-748x421 — Source: The Frisky

Your partner is an alien!!!

If you thought you knew your beau you are sadly mistaken, there will be a moment down the line into your bond that you will look at your better half as if you are just now meeting them for the very first time. Relationships take time to master and the getting to know period is longer than the 6-month honeymoon stage that everyone talks about, within time the novelty of new love wears off and things are revealed that you never expected. Don’t be alarmed this is what you signed up for, it’s just the fine print of the T’s & C’s we all hate to look through.

Don’t lose yourself

Sometimes it feels like getting into a relationship puts you into this impenetrable bubble, it’s like when you are together nothing else matters. Before you and your significant other came together you had friends, hobbies, career choices etc. and none of this should change because you have made an addition to your life. I have found that it is very easy to get so wrapped up in the confines of your love, that it is easy to forget about all of the things that made you happy prior to this person entering your life. In order for relationships to be successful it requires a lot of work, never the less do not forget that you are also a work in progress that depends upon vast amounts of TLC in order for you to flourish and be the best you can be for yourself not just for someones else.

man holding baby s breath flower in front of woman standing near marble wall — Photo by vjapratama on Pexels.com

Love makes you different

Everything you said you would never do will rear its ugly head in so many different ways at unexpected moments it will have you wondering if your body has been taken over by foreign agents. For example, I used to despise public displays of affection. I would be cowering in my seat whenever I would catch a sight of a couple sucking face in plain sight, the sounds would make me seeth. But I now shamelessly hold hands, kiss and cuddle bae in a variety of different places like there is no one around. So never say you won’t do something because love will show you just how wrong you were.

Falling in love has been life changing, I wouldn’t change the trials and tribulations that I have been through in these last 4 years. /even at my lowest moments I have dried my tear stained face and smiled at the lesson each adversity has produced and I look forward to learning much more.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Why Kanye’s Slavery Concept isn’t Complete Nonsense

4 May 2018 No Comments

Source CNN

Before I get deep into this post I am going to set it completely straight with a very clear disclaimer… I do not agree with Kanye West’s “Free Thinking” idealism at all. His self anointed wokeness has been spewed across my Twitter timeline for the last week or so and as a proud member of the black community it bothers me that it appears as if he has renounced his culture with his comments that diminish our struggle, and the lengths that we still have to go.

But it is not this that has brought me to my blog page to talk about the views of a Donald Trump loving fool, it is the TMZ interview that has been doing the rounds within the last 72 hours.

For some reason, the arrogant Mr West took his free thought to the Internets biggest video gossip hub to share his concept on his support for the POTUS and the viral image of him wearing a signed “Make America Great Again” hat which was the slogan of his winning campaign. The pow wow descended into something he wasn’t expecting as his profound notions brought him to the topic of slavery which he described as a “400-year choice”.

Now here is the part where ya’ll will probably begin to get upset with me, because as much as I have despised Kanyes’ ranting ways since his first epic incident with Taylor Swift at the VMA’s ( I refunded my Wireless tickets in 2014 because he was replacing Drake). He is not completely wrong.

My mum loves history, and although I shamed the family by dropping it in year 10 (her words not mine) I was blessed to be introduced to stories of the strife my race endured and how these steps have given us the privilege of the standpoint we have in society today.

Image result for harriet tubman — **Source: National Park Service**

My interpretation of Yeezy’s view was that sometimes as black people we can get mentally stuck in positions in life, especially today with all of the historical encounters of being seen as unequal. Sojourner Truth, Harriet Tubman and Nat Turner are a long list of the few people that had the guts to build a revolution against their slave owners, when I think back to those books my mum gave me in those revolutionary hours of Harriet holding her private meetings with her fellow sisters and brothers she was often branded a fool who was going to get herself killed. Many slaves turned down her idea of living free because they had put their mind in a place that consistently told them that our race was built to be nothing more than servants to their white owners. And it was not until the tale of Harriet’s success had gotten around that people started believing that their lives could really change and it would take a massive risk to succeed.

These themes are 1000% relevant today even hundreds of years later, our race can definitely now be a slave to society and forced to follow certain ways of living. I mean all you have to do is fire up social media and see a bunch of people wearing labels they struggle to pronounce or selling their soul for opportunities alongside people who go completely against their core beliefs.

Our ancestors fought for all those years so we could do more with our lives than to spend all of our hard-earned cash on designer clothing and jewelry to stunt for the gram, or follow our oppressors to open the door to opportunity. We were supposed to continue the legacy and keep the revolution alive.

Image result for kanye west quotes — **Source: Wealthy Gorilla**

Kanye has built a very successful empire off of speaking about issues in the black community and it appears that he has ditched some of those very thoughts within the last few days. Before becoming the award-winning self-proclaimed rapper Yezus, he was a young black man living in Chicago feeling downtrodden by the system with a dream and unable to afford the attire he now adorns in music videos. Fast forward a decade or so and he has swept away the notions that pushed him to reach his current platform developing into an entitled rich ass who is hell-bent on aligning him with the fat cats of the industry.

I am all for freedom of speech, there are some major issues in the world today that deserve a lot of attention. But it doesn’t mean freely speaking for the sake of it.

If Kanye West wants something to talk about, tell him to holla at me about Yeezy season whatever we on prices!

Diary OF a Lost Soul

30 Before 30 Bucket List

11 Apr 2018 No Comments

Last Sunday I reached another milestone in my life, the 8th of April 2018 marked my 29th birthday and the last year of my twenties. Yes guys, I am almost 30 years old😣

30 is that year that is supposed to be the life-changing era, according to society you are supposed to have figured out the meaning of life and be well on your way to mastering it by this age. But the reality is most of us are focused on just being able to come to terms with paying off our student loans never mind looking at the wider aspects of the future.

In my old age I have become a sentimental old lass and have always been a massive stickler for living my best life, so I am always up for trying new things and willing to go on adventures that will serve as lifelong memories. I felt the best way to honor all of these characteristics I possess and give me something to look back on was to start a bucket list of things that I have been thinking about doing for the longest but have either put off or chickened out of doing.

So I compiled all of my thoughts into a list of 30 things to do over the next year;

Travel somewhere I don’t know the language
Learn to forgive
Overcome a fear
Attend a Halloween party in full costume
Participate in Carnival
Finally get that tattoo you have been talking about for years
Travel solo
Get your business off the floor
Get your work-life balance in order
~~become more confident with fashion shoots~~
Embrace my body
Go on a road trip
~~Do something for your community~~
Complete a charity obstacle course
Go to an art class
Make my own flower wall
~~Get in touch with my faith~~
Try out more vegan recipes
Release a lantern into the sky
Do something that scares you
Learn to make your own clothing
Take a buying and merchandising course
Save money
Master Mindfulness
Accept and love yourself
Start dancing again
Expand the blog
Start a podcast
Pass my driving test
~~Generate another stream of income~~

My 20’s have been wonderful to me and I have probably gained most of my wisdom within the last 6 years, so I can only imagine how eventful the dirty 30’s will be. If any of my readers are as old as me or have started a bucket list for any other reason please let me know what you want to achieve in the comments. I will be keeping you guys up to speed on what I have achieved over the next year, and whether I complete it all or not I will still have so much to be proud of.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Does The Music We Listen To Effect Our Behaviour?

6 Apr 2018 No Comments

For as long as I can recollect music, well rap music in particular has been held under great scrutiny for it’s correlation to violence, aggression, and misogyny. Over the years many lyrics from artists such as Tupac, Eminem, even our very own Giggs has been at the forefront of the debate of what effect music has on individuals, especially our young, impressionable, up and coming minds.

For a long time, I have been fighting the good battle with the rest of the world against the belief that music can incite a certain type of behaviour. I have been an avid crusader sweating with passion when discussing the idea that music cannot influence individuals to commit crimes, use weapons or even entice people to live an overly glamourised and unrealistic lifestyle we all know many can’t afford. But recently, something happened to me that made me alter my point of view.

As you probably already know I have been going through my own personal growing pains and due to this my mood has fluctuated from happy go lucky to real down in the dumps and at times this can happen in seconds flat. The other day I was having one of my extremely rough days where getting out of bed was one big ass struggle. I attempted to do everything within my power to pull myself out of my funk; I watched silly videos on social media, I bantered in the group chat, I even watched some ratchet reality TV (and ya’ll know I love me some ratchet TV) and absolutely nothing worked.

Alas, I began my morning routine and left for work as per. And like clockwork, I blocked out the world plugging my headphones in, sinking into the abyss of my favourite depressing sounds. Naturally I chose music that matched my mood, you know the slow jam with lyrics that are filled to the brim with heartfelt pain and suffering that my dismal disposition could identify with. And with that tone, I fell deeper into my pit of despair resigning to the fact that today was going to be one of those shitty days.

My tunes stay on shuffle so I usually just keep flicking through until I find the track that suits my vibe. As I was stuck in some sort of transit between trains I lost control of my song choice and was unable to override the library reorder being surprised by an RnB throwback from 2005 from one of my most loved artists Keyshia Cole. Now Keyshia comes about 2nd to Beyonce when it comes to empowerment jams but either way she still knows how to boost your confidence when it comes to getting over heartache. As soon as I heard the intro to “I just want it to be over” it was like I felt a chemical shift or surge in my body. Half-way through the first verse and I was immediately a changed woman, I was still woeful but ready to let go of my solemn and motivated to start the day correctly and rid myself of these demotivated feelings. At that very moment, I could no longer deny that the type of music you listen to has little effect in the way that people act.

This event took my thoughts back to my younger years, I have always listened to an array of different music. Some inherited from my parents and older sister and others adopted by the era I was born into. But as a teenager, my favourite genres were RnB and Garage and both evoked different feelings and acts from me as a young woman evolving. I remember the summer of 2005 when I was just 16 years old and it was barbeque season so the vibes were live, Pow by Lethal B was the anthem of the season and when I say I have never seen so many adolescent girls emulate the movements and acts of an East London road man for a mere 3 mins . I was very far from the road life even though I lived streets away from it, but when I heard the Forward Riddim me and my girls would be thugging it out on the dancefloor like the roads were embedded in our blood.

Fast forward 13 years and I have traded in the gangster life for my residency at club ratchet as an “Ayyy Girl” and Cardi B is my artist of choice, there is just something about her New York demeanour and raw lyrics that makes me feel like I am in a strip club making it clap with dollar bills in the air.

What I am saying is, the type of music and lyrics that are put out evokes responses from us without even noticing and at times even having control over it. Have you ever been at a work function and heard your favourite inappropriate song and as much as you resist your feet or shoulders involuntarily participate despite your mental protesting, or when you’re on the train and your jam comes on but making any kind of obvious movements in front if all those people will make you look like an absolute whack job.

Our reactions to our favourite tracks can be positive like it was for me but it must not be overlooked that negative matters in what we see can affect how people operate. London has been a humongous breeding ground for knife and gun crime, with the tabloids reporting that 4 months into this year alone the city has surpassed New York in the number of deaths of young people. And I cannot help but feel that the lifestyle portrayed in a lot of the current music and music videos is assisting in fuelling a lot of this conduct.

Pushing drugs, carrying a weapon, taking illicits even the way women are poorly treated are common themes in the current music videos of today, and although they probably serve as sheer entertainment value for the viewers. The majority of those are our susceptible youth who are looking to the media and celebrities for role models. It is our job as those who have arrived before them to guide them firmly to greater outcomes, but I have found that musicians of today forgo their role of mentors and even idols to the public and stick with the current popular trends instead of making an affirmative difference to better the world.

The music I listen to has so much of an effect on me that it often puts my thoughts into words that I would never have been able to express, It can give my low mood a severe boost and can inspire me when I believe that I have reached my limit. Yes, I have a catalogue of club jams where the content of the song is unnoticed and I only enjoy it because of the beat and hype around it. But the bulk of the music I love has meaning to me and has shaped my life over the years and serves a cultural purpose. But I am a grown woman, who is wise enough to make informed decisions about my choices, not everyone has reached my point of growth and can ignore the subliminal messages being thrust upon them. This platform should be used to educate and enlighten instead of encouraging the population into a life of negative practice. I feel we underestimate the power that music and musicians have, we need to remember that what is put out can grab the attention of the right people in the wrong way, the world appears to have fallen in to the ways of the get money and blow it fast flow. And if it continues who can be sure of what will become of the world we occupy.

Just food for thought…

Diary OF a Lost Soul

We Know, Women Are Trash Too!

21 Mar 2018 No Comments

Source: Complex

I promise you if I hear about or see one more dude cry over another story from social media about a conniving female who has been caught out for cheating I am going to lose every one of my God given Marbles.

Now don’t get me wrong, I do not condone cheating at all it is definitely completely wrong under all circumstances. And I am of the sound understanding that if you feel like you aren’t getting what you need from your relationship be it reasonable or just damn right weird you should either discuss it with your partner or end the union. But as a woman growing and beginning to relate to the world I have been lied to, cheated on and just all out disrespected by the opposite sex in ways that should really put me off dating for the rest of my life and stewing in my celibacy.

Okay by now you guys have grasped that I am a drama Queen, but the point I am making is that these experiences have surely made me apprehensive about taking men as seriously as they would like me too.

As of late, I have noticed that men outing women for their infidelities has become a very public and common trend on social media platforms such as Twitter and Instagram. Men have been coming out in what appears to be the droves of acts of solidarity exposing women who have been caught in the act with another man or woman. Now, I repeat I do not agree with scandals such as cheating but this is something that has been happening to women around me and all over the world for as long as I can remember, and whenever I have witnessed it being discussed from our point of view it is ridiculed or palmed off as some twisted right of passage. As if the only thing to do in these situations is to dust yourself off and get back in the game otherwise your ovaries will dry all the way up searching for that perfect man that will never exist. So I am struggling to understand why it should be only be classified as Satans handiwork when it happens to men.

Every time I pose situations such as this to males in my company I often get given the same spiel explaining how different it is for them, how disrespected they feel by the women who deceive them because some of these men really look after the lady in question. They buy them expensive gifts and let them know that the bond that they have differs to that of any other woman and it ends in them feeling exploited.

But what I wanna know is, were you feeling this same level of betrayal when you went out on a lads night and watched your best friend take that girl’s number? Will you keep that same energy when you are bantering in the group chat about how many times you had sexual relations with the local bicycle from around the way and your long-term girlfriend still stays loyal?

Unfortunately, men and women are judged by differing standards in life. Clearly, it is acceptable in societies eyes for a young man growing up to sow his royal oats in as many pastures as he possibly can, whereas to a young woman heartbreak and consistent rebuilding of yourself from the damage caused is created to make you stronger. Plus do it in silence because it is a complete annoyance to hear you all loudly waiting to exhale all over the timeline.

Cheating is a form of disloyalty and dishonesty and any gender is susceptible to being treated with this level of betrayal. Life will throw things at you that a manual has never been written about and tell you to handle it, and everyone has a damn right to be pissed about it. But one person’s pain does not trump another, we should all be exempt from having to constantly combat this pain because respect should be renowned especially when building a relationship.

Karma is a terrible thing that strikes when you least expect it, so we should all be treating others how we feel we would deserve. And I know it appears to some as brotherly to support your homeboy when his girl raises the alarm again about that female that persistently likes all his Instagram posts within a 10-minute time frame. But at the end of the day wouldn’t you want someone to be checked by a nearest and dearest if the shoe was on the other foot.

What I am saying is do unto others as you would have them do unto you, because you never know when it is your turn to be the next cheating scandal on the timeline. My advice; listen to Drake, build a bridge and get over it… quietly😁

Diary OF a Lost Soul

I DO NOT Work Through My Lunch Break!!!

18 Mar 2018 6 Comments

I like most people in their mid to late twenties am currently working a painstakingly stressful and time-consuming 9-5. Probably one that you hate or even one that you could love but you just aren’t in the position you desire as of yet. But either way, you are way past tired.

If you agree with the paragraph just above then you might once again just like I, look forward to 2 integral times of the day. Of course the long-awaited home time and ever the important midpoint of the day, your lunch break.

My lunch break is extremely sacred to me, I use those very brief 30 minutes to stuff my face, unwind, make social calls, even just aimlessly scroll through Instagram. Basically, it is my personal time to do whatever it is I want to do and to escape the weight of concrete jungle. When building a career us twenty-somethings are given the impression that in order to succeed we must mercilessly grind, give up whatever we deem precious in order to climb the ladder and fight for our dreams. So working lunches are often posed to us as a great idea to kill two birds with one stone, to the detriment of having a little pocket of time to regroup and resume the rest of your day with your sanity intact.

When I started my first real job I was that ever keen nodding employee that wouldn’t flinch at the sound of a 12pm-1pm meeting. I wanted to appear flexible, hardworking (well I put it on my CV so I had to prove it). But I was determined to show all the big wigs that I was the employee to remember. 5 years in the game and a couple of positions later, that was probably the biggest of all the mistakes I have made. Okay I am a drama queen but that is my free time and I realised that it started to become expected of me to surrender it whenever unforeseen affairs would arise. I don’t know about anyone else but I for sure did not sign up to work for Oxfam so charity work was definitely not in my contract, or in my sights. But aside from that if you give up your spare time, when do you get a chance to recharge?

I now vehemently refuse to be a martyr and renounce my only time of solace to give the impression that I am a worthy employee. Most of the time this self-less act is overlooked by managers and later on can be assumed as routine breaking down all of your personal boundaries and taking along with it the last portion you have left of your mental health. If a survey was done in any working environment the number one preceding factor would likely be that workers feel stressed and overworked, some of it is due to our environment but I believe that the majority of it is due to the unwritten rules to succeed.

Work can be a very exasperating environment. You can be stuck indoors for hours on end only leaving your desk to use the toilet, be inundated with emails overloaded with tasks that seem never-ending, or forced to laugh at humdrum jokes told by that co-worker you have always disliked but must keep up appearances. So forfeiting your lunch break when constantly having to fight those battles should be illegal, there is no contract written for any organisation that deems it crucial for any employee to utilise their unpaid lunchtime to continue working. There is no trophy awarded for the worker who sacrifices the most amount of hours of their personal time and dedicates it to their company. And there are definitely various different ways to demonstrate your commitment to a role, such as completing your duties, showing the array of skills and attributes you have and not to forget your professionalism.

Bottom line is don’t feel the need to give away what you need to sort a temporary issue, tomorrow take a walk or actually sit in the staff room to eat your lunch for once instead of using your desk. Just have some YOU time I am pretty sure if you’re reading this and wildly nodding at the points made in this post you deserve it.

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