Growth Mindset Archives - Diary of a Lost Soul

Growing up my environment wasn’t the most conducive, although I happily claim the fact that I avoided teenage pregnancy, drug abuse or crime. The strict guidelines didn’t permit much space for exploration of the world or belief that my wildest dreams could become reality. I couldn’t tell you the last time I had a dream but I often feel myself daydreaming about the possibilities of my life with no control over when or how they happen. But in an effort to focus on some of the humdrum tasks I bat them away like Serena at a grand slam final to continue with my day.

If you’re a regular reader of Diary of a Lost Soul, you’ll remember that I discussed this topic in “The Power of Intentional Thought”. Manifestation is another buzzword we millennials love to throw around but it has been alive in the spiritual world since the dawn of time. As it is something that is now a part of the era of personal development the Cambridge dictionary description of manifestation is a sign of something existing or happening, which is true but feels slightly soulless. However, upon exploring this amongst the spiritual realm the definition deepens to your hopes and aspirations coming to life through positive thought and meditation. I have always had the power to actualise be those positive or negative notions, but lately, those things have been way too spot on and it is severely freaking me out.

I am a prolific planner. While I wasn’t always like that, a few stumbling blocks in my teens allowed me to find my rhythm with structure, and it’s been blissful ever since. So my home is full of weekly planners, diaries, journals and notebooks I use to keep me on track daily, monthly and yearly and it truly has been the cornerstone of what has helped me be as successful as I am today. Saying this I sometimes think it borders on neuroticism as the potency of organisation allows me to believe that I have more control over the flow of life than possible. Whether you are religious, spiritual, or just putting one foot in front of the other sort of person. One thing we can all agree on is the power of the tongue. It is very embarrassing for me to admit that I didn’t take this phrase seriously as a youngster, I thought its only strength was to rid my gal pals of the pain from boys who wanted to get in their pants instead of nourishing their hearts as they claimed. And as I have been in my “growth bag” voicing what I would like to achieve quickly comes to fruition and not exactly how I expected it to be packaged throwing me into a frenzy forcing me to push the brakes and return to the safe zone to catch a breath.

Recently, I have been struggling with that issue because I have a burning desire for more festering within me that my overthinking pattern and the deep fear of failure are preventing me from igniting. Usually, every New Year’s Eve I stay home alone with a bottle of Champagne and vision board in order to manifest what I would like to achieve or experience over the next year. Last year I chose not to and took my first solo trip ever to soak up new experiences making a list of intentions for the year which have guided me to this point past the halfway mark of 2023 still smiling and with a boatload of opportunities. This has always been proven to be constructive however the end product is never what I expected in a way that shakes me to my core requiring me to act immediately, and if you have been reading this piece from the start you will know that is not my strong suit.

I write this post as an ode to all those who secretly fantasise over a life or world that they lock away over their logically well-thought-out 10-year plan. We dream for a reason and it is possible for those things to come true, if I stuck with the life plan I had at 19 I would have been living in America under Trump’s governance and I really think I am way too good for that. Sometimes you just have to get off the main road and follow the voice in your head that keeps telling you to discover what is amongst the beaten track it can be frightening but there can be so much enlightenment behind the darkness. Be it your economic status, other’s opinions, fear of failure, or just feeling the warmth of your comfort zone don’t suppress your dreams. If you are anything like me that shit will have you waking up in the middle of the night haunting you like a horror movie so lean into it and see where it will take you.

You’re Not a Failure, Just Cumulatively Disadvantaged

In the earlier stages of the year whilst the working Joe and Joanna Bloggs of the world were barely holding on to their edges some of the socioeconomically privileged were using platforms handed to them fixing their mouths to provide unsolicited advice about why we aren’t achieving our dreams. I chose to ignore Molly Mae’s comments about us all having the same 24 hours in a day and address it on my Twitter feed. And when self-acclaimed “It Girl” Kim Kardashian told us all to “get off our asses and work hard”, something some nations have been doing since the days of slavery I was too hot to turn it into ever the articulate dragathon she deserves. But as I was posting the first blog of this month I came across a term called Cumulative Advantage. This term has provided the context needed to push this argument to another level. Cumulative Advantage explains how the benefits of a group or individuals enhance, increasing the inequalities amongst the marginalised. This has a knock-on effect on society as time moves on those who were considered to have societal disadvantages are provided with more hurdles to reach their goal.

This concept is not original, it is up there with intersectionality, socioeconomic inequality and the social graces that explain the various ways the world is sectioned into the deprived and the overly advantaged. However, still, those who have spent copious amounts of their lives trying to achieve a certain status or goal are considered lazy and not impoverished due to their societal status. I write this post because there have been times in my life that I have believed that because of what I have been provided I was unworthy or incapable of reaching my heart’s desires. In my ignorance, I did not realize that the reason for my failure had nothing to do with my own personality traits. Instead, it had to do with factors that were fixed when I was born. These factors included where I was born, my ethnicity, gender and financial status that I had no control over. We have always known that for certain demographics they will have to put in more than the 10,000 hours allotted to master a craft as a resting bitch face depending on your race can result in you being judged when you innocently disappeared into a random daydream.

Photo by Oladimeji Ajegbile on Pexels.com

Influencers such as Molly Mae and The Kardashians benefit from cumulative advantages as their position within society and notoriety affords them the abilities to accumulate businesses that quickly take off making millions and are considered for deals at a higher price whilst you may be asked to do it for free items instead of payment. Although they argue that they didn’t start at this point in their careers which it is fair to say, all the same, they didn’t start from the trenches. They all started from a middle-class background, having access to contacts and resources that many could only imagine access to. (Not to mention the stealing of the less fortunate’s business ideas and passing them off as their own but I will save that for another post)

Without discouraging you from that business plan you are sections through or that YouTube page with an abundance of content you have that may not have attracted the attention of the right people, you aren’t doomed. One of our time’s greatest quotes “work smarter, not harder” is one way to combat the curse of the underprivileged. I was taught for so long that working hard would catapult me to success which isn’t entirely wrong, but society’s structure doesn’t support this method to be as productive when used in isolation. There is wealth in networking and collaborating with others that aren’t a part of the work-hard model. We have an opportunity to tip the scales considering as time moves and trends alter so do our chances to go up a rung on the ladder.

Our age should not be used as a form of measurement for life accomplishments, sometimes we are barriers to achievements, whereas other times it will be the constructs built into the world we live in that are preventing this. Moral of the story is don’t be hard on yourself but also refrain from allowing this theory to discourage your plan to whatever your wildest dreams consist of. Always remember you’re not a failure, just cumulatively disadvantaged.

Revelations From A Closet Dreamer

You’re Not a Failure, Just Cumulatively Disadvantaged