Lifestyle Blog Archives - Diary of a Lost Soul

The Perks of Being Emotionally Available

24 Apr 2022 No Comments

I have come to accept my occasions of disarray. This is because not only do they alter my life and mindset, but the content I produce is worthy of shaking any establishment’s table. Maybe I am doing a great job at being my own cheerleader, but re-reading my posts makes me more than proud of what I have learned from these experiences and after the storm has passed I am able to embrace them warmly as a revered distant family member.

What I believe has spurred on this descent down depression avenue was my approaching birthday, and despite me being a person who will celebrate for the whole month it is also time for deep contemplation. This year I spent it in solitude and I don’t know if it was a combination of the earth-shattering silence mixed with the fact that I had jumped from one job to another without a break that was the perfect cocktail for a breakdown but your sis went through it. I must say in my older age I have become more comfortable with sitting in these moments. Because like many of you the driven quality of my personality means I am constantly on the go. This easily gives me the opportunity to run away from the issues I have difficulty facing. So submerging myself into a project or someone else’s issues is the perfect distraction. This episode of “Rea’s Depths of Depression” was sponsored by my inability to be comfortable with emotional availability.

I never used to believe it but I am an extremely strong woman and I am now aware of the qualities I possess. My power is an attribute I deeply admire but it has a hardening effect on me dispelling any other vulnerable form of emotion that dares to approach the surface. I recollect going through my first bout of therapy. My therapist would say upon me sitting in that cold blank NHS standard office that I looked “tightly wound”. It took me a few years to truly understand she meant no disrespect by making this statement. However, she was explaining that physically looking at me I always looked as if I was holding something in. As a child, I was always taught not to cry as it was a sign of weakness so being the obedient youngest daughter I am I banished those emotions to different crevices in my body (my clenched jaw and tense shoulders) and stayed consistent in a warrior stance. I have now learned at the ripe old age of 33 that there is so much beauty in being vulnerable and allowing others to see this side of my personality.

I completely understand why I was given these messages. Life continuously demonstrates that, despite being a proud black woman it comes with so many caveats that you are fighting battles in your sleep, and there is a certain level of strength you need to possess in order to ensure you are not defeated. Be that as it may, looking back on certain situations being more open and exposing myself may have given the effect that I was hoping for. There have been so many experiences where my inner emotional mascot has been screaming to emerge. If I allowed her to take control what I was trying to explain or portray may have had a different influence. I don’t live on regret boulevard and certainly wouldn’t change how my life has panned out. However, healthy reflection is a part of personal development and without this part, it would hinder growth.

I understand why we are always being forced to remain strong during adversity because “tough times never last, only tough people” But there is much merit in experiencing all of our emotions and being present in them which isn’t often validated. Please do not use this as an excuse to have any reality show-worthy drink throwing escapade because the repercussions of these actions will come at you very fast, but not every event requires you to approach it as the kind of person who isn’t phased by bad news or losing something you deemed precious or of high value. So laugh out loud, cry, take a chance on that opportunity, hell tell that person how you feel. When we feel comfortable with being exposed, our chances of achieving our desires increase. At least the feelings of regret won’t consume our beings when silence comes.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

We Didn’t Need Designers We Needed Guidance

20 Oct 2019 No Comments

Over the years I have struggled to understand why men and women are so different, in my younger years I was convinced that the only thing that separated the genders were body parts but sometimes it feels as if we are so far apart we live on different planets. I thought that it started making a lot more sense to me and I had finally figured out the Pythagoras theorem type code, but then I moved in with my long-term boyfriend and that showed me that there are some serious levels to this game we call love and war. I definitely wouldn’t say I have my life figured out because we don’t own this life so have no idea where it will take us, but I plan and when my plans lead me towards a different destination I re-route just like a Satnav would and continue on because if not I would freak out and be lost. How I got to this profound way of living you ask, lots of failed attempts at life (I mean lots), understanding that I cannot control all aspects of my life, getting closer to my faith and most important having positive role models to guide me in the right direction.

And upon deep reflection, I think this is the main factor that divides the 2 genders. I love Wretch 32 who is renowned for speaking his mind about issues relating to culture, colourism and community differences. On his project FR32 he has a song called Thugs Prayer which depicts people within their moments of weakness seeking support from higher beings. A line in the track reads “we didn’t need designers we needed guidance” and I believe it really explains where some of the difficulty lies. When I talk to the different males around me the common missing factor is always guidance and the lack of role models around them in the formative years of their lives. Although a lot of them are surrounded by many friends and influences that could have a positive impact, the ethos of nurturing and teaching is not always seen as compulsory for their development.

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My background is nowhere near privileged, I come from a single-parent home with an absentee father and attended a school in Hackney. Not the hipster loving, bicycle riding Hackney we see now but the much rougher and more abandoned Hackney. I could have been very different from what I am today, but what gave me a chance was the morals and values instilled in me from as long as I can remember from my mother. She was a hardworking woman with 2 young girls she knew needed to have the knowledge and education on their sides to succeed in this tough world and made it her priority to do so. I find that Boys are not given that opportunity, they are often left to their own devices to figure things out for themselves or are fed the idea that their main focus is about making enough money, so they can stunt on others with high-class designers and use that to get the attention of other women.

Life is deep, meaningful and incredibly hard, so in order to win at it takes conscious teachings from elders and personal reflection. My constant gripe as a woman and a girlfriend is that it has been put out into the world that the shortcomings of men are to be accepted by us as they require more time to grow. Time is for sure is a mentor and a healer, but how can they change their ways when there are no mechanisms in place to aid or apply pressure in order for it to become a requirement and not a suggestion? For us to become the best versions of ourselves we have to be answerable to something and I have found that lessons taught to young girls is more about how to enable a man, but no lessons for boys on how to become pillars of their communities, or the responsibility of guidance that will be bestowed upon them within their latter years.

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For anything to be different the narrative needs to be changed, it needs to be a priority for men to be mentored throughout life and made accountable for their weaknesses and faults as well as being celebrated for being providers for their families so that those teachings can be shared with those coming up after them. I for one am tired of watching our young boys fall victim to the cold streets who have nothing to offer them but false pretences and pain. Prosperity is beautiful and something we all hope for, but lessons are learnt better with love and nurturing at the forefront.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Be Your Own Spirit Animal

13 Oct 2019 No Comments

Throughout our lives, we are privileged to experience inspiration. At any given moment we can spontaneously be influenced by something we have seen or by someone we might know or follow, and when an individual is inspired by something it is usually superseded by empowerment which motivates them to reach out for their own goals and aspirations.

The term ‘Spirit Animal originally derived from Native Americans as an animal who chooses you, or you choose it for guidance & learning to help you throughout life. 21st-century millennials have remixed this ideology to fit with the current pop-culture, labelling the phrase as a person or character that represents your inner personality. Or someone who behaves as though they are showing your feelings through their own actions. Within the context of the most current understanding, a spirit animal can be anyone that a person may idolise or admire such as a family member, a friend, a celebrity, even a public figure. But I feel that there is a massive difference between admiration of one’s accomplishments and attempting to imitate another person’s lifestyle or journey.

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I have my very own spirit Goddess and she is nothing short of the amazing Mrs Carter, I respect Beyoncé because she is a boss, she is strong, and she consistently pushes boundaries to be the best and that is exactly what I aspire to be. But despite this, I am highly aware that I will never be Queen Bey for many reasons, as motivating as her path to greatness is she and I are completely different people and I sleep with ease being content with this. (p.s running on a treadmill while singing your guts off seems way too hard). But I have noticed that society tends to focus so much on the success of others that it can give off the impression that we have to follow one particular method to be successful and live a luxurious life.

For example, as a lifestyle blogger, my main aim is to conquer the internet with my posts full of wit, sass and life truths. Before I started the site, I was full of doubt because the web is crowded with other personalities of a stature similar to mine and it sometimes appears that other bloggers just blew up overnight. Whereas my blog as great as I feel my content is struggling to reach the right platforms. In the first year, I read copious articles researching on how to grow my following and the kinds of posts I would need to write to achieve that expectancy and none of these techniques has worked for my site to date. After I trashed myself for about an hour or so losing all faith in my hopes and dreams, I gained some clarity and realised that even though our goals might be identical to others within our field all of our pathways to said target will be very different, and the same model does not work for everyone.

woman lying on man s lap — Photo by Ali Müftüoğulları on Pexels.com

Sometimes I sit back and think what happened to embracing our own destiny? Why do we always attempt to manifest our purpose using another person’s blueprint? Now do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with using lessons and motivation from others to assist in guiding you towards your own merits, but sometimes it is as if watching other people’s success has blinded us from our own journeys. So when our lives do not amount to the triumph of another’s we become distressed or feel like failures. Sites like Youtube has built spaces for creatives to share their talents worldwide and whilst this has been a viable tool it has forced people into thinking that following the challenges/pranks/story-telling approach is sure to gain instant fame and fast money.

The struggle to identify our own values is what causes us to admire the worth of our neighbours, the reality of it is that we were all brought in to this world to succeed one way or another, and the way to win it all is to continue to work within our own purpose with the gifts we have been granted. We all have differences so we should use them, despite it being shunned by society the world is deeply desperate for variety of opinion, mindset and ideas so don’t feel conforming to the social norms is the key to giving you your hearts desires.

So believe in yourself, admire what you have been given and use that to motivate yourself. But most of all be your own damn spirit animal!

Diary OF a Lost Soul

The Joys of Turning 30…

11 Aug 2019 No Comments

I remember growing up looking at time, selecting certain age milestones and agonising over how far away I was from grasping at womanhood. Although I thoroughly embraced being a child I used to look at my older sister enjoying the freedom of being a teenager eagerly anticipating my turn. That was until my 28th birthday, that gloomy 30th year appeared to be rapidly closing in on me and I found myself pleading with God to reason with father time and restore me to the carefree 15-year-old who’s biggest worry was finding an excuse for why she hadn’t completed her Science homework.

Now the time has arrived and I can say that it has been the most refreshing experience of my life to date. For those who already know me and are reading this are probably currently laughing as you all tried to explain this to me, I sincerely apologise as I was hiding my pain through my jokes about your older age. But I know that there are some 20 somethings out there due to turn 30 and are having severe anxiety over the impending event just like I did, I spent so much time over analysing it when I could have really been appreciating it all. I felt compelled to discuss this as it would be totally ignorant of me to have this fountain of understanding without passing it on, so here are my favourite things about turning 30;

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Clarity of Mind

My 20’s were full of such cloudiness and uncertainty, not knowing what to do or whether what I had decided was the right thing based on the achievements of others or expectations from my parents made, it felt like every decision I made was out of immaturity and lack of knowledge. But when I turned 30 I felt an instantaneous lift that has continued to reassure me that I live and work to my standards, so what others have won’t show itself in my life because we are all walking different paths and will forever reach different outcomes.

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Confidence in Myself

I am such a humble soul and have had such difficulty in believing in my abilities or celebrating my achievements. I spend a lot of my time motivating and encouraging other people to do whatever they set their mind to but didn’t hold myself to those same standards. Turning 30 gave me this air of confidence that assured me that I was capable of all those things I constantly dreamt or thought about doing even when I was a child, it showed me that believing in myself was the missing component to the success I desired and if I keep that thought process I there is nothing I can’t achieve.

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Birth of the Go-Getter Mentality

I have always had a hustlers ambition, but never have I ever had a thirst for taking many risks. My 20’s were spent always taking the safe route to achieve targets, and although there aren’t many things that I identify as major failures, being 30 has taught me that I really do need to do whatever it takes by any means necessary to ascertain certain goals. And when I look over the success of many millionaires I haven’t come across any that weren’t giving everything that they had towards their dreams, 50% of the work will give you 50% payout.

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Unwillingness to Give Up

Growing up I considered myself to be pretty invisible, I wasn’t bad enough to hang with the unruly kids and wasn’t smart enough to keep up with the bookworms so pretty much left me in this middle ground of invisibility where very little care was given from others towards my development. It made me feel like really wanted to give up on anything I previously aspired to be because others were unbothered. 30 showed me that I can do whatever I put my mind to despite the setbacks or delays that hinder my progression, it really takes time and hard work to see results and I have to be dedicated to seeing it through despite the support or critique from others.

Renewed Sense of Faith

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I always believed there was a God and in my late 20’s I built a relationship based on true understanding without influence from others with him, at 30 this alliance has only grown stronger and has been the sole reason for my confidence in ageing. The Bible discusses the 30th year as a time for building your foundation for your life, which means that your 20’s is about exploring and seeking knowledge and developing has allowed me to gain faith in plans not coming together as I see fit. So to all of you that don’t feel you have your vision together by age 25, fear not because life is supposed to be long and prosperous which means goals can take time to come to fruition or show themselves when your focus is elsewhere.

Life is worth embracing and being lived to it’s fullest, sometimes we pressurise ourselves and forget to take one day at a time and live in the moment. It is often negated that we are unable to slow time down or predict how our future will pan out so it is pointless wasting precious moments agonising over what is yet to come. Growing older is definitely a privilege for the opportunity to be alive and make more memories to enjoy, so whether you are turning 18, 25 or 35 just bask in it and let it be.

Cheap Clothes 4 Heauxs

Goodbye… For Now

6 Jun 2019 No Comments

Blogging has been one of the best things I have ever done, I wrote for a very long time and refused to release it to the world out of anxiety of what others would think and lack of confidence in my abilities. But I remember the feelings I had pressing publish on my first post being a mix of worry and pride, and I would not trade any of those for a thing in this world.

I started Cheap Clothes 4 Heauxs because I have loved fashion for as long as I can remember. I didn’t come from a family where money was freely available. So when I got to university, I felt like a fish out of water hanging around girls who got allowances from their parents and lil old me who had to hustle to make things work utilised all the tricks of the trade to keep up with them given to me by my mother who was my first fashion inspiration. I decided I wanted to share these techniques that I still use till this very day, with girls who felt the same way I did, or women who just like to look good and save those extra coins for something more worthwhile.

Despite the reason for my hiatus, which has been due to major moves being made in my main hustle, I feel like my soul is yearning for me to fulfil a different destiny. Last year I launched a new portion to the blog named Diary of a Lost Soul which was born out of my frustrations with my position within that moment. Not only was I able to release my innermost thoughts and feeling, but I was able to find a new love in my life that allows me to be a sounding board for myself as well as show others that life is an experience of ups and downs that nobody is alone with.

With this being said, it is with a heavy heart that I close the chapter on Cheap Clothes 4 Heauxs, but allow a larger platform for Diary of A Lost Soul to flourish. Just like life, we grow, and in order to move forward towards new opportunities, we must close the door on some of the very ones that we started with. I aim for Diary of a Lost Soul to be a lifestyle blog for people from all walks of life to seek support, advice and “oh hell yes” moments from as at times we just need a place to keep it real.

Fashion will always be my first love. But I sense that my purpose is leading me in a different direction, this choice could cause me to lose some very loyal followers or to find some new people to interact with but what I can guarantee is that the style of my content will never change so stick around for your girl.

Thank you all for staying down with me through my hiatus. Stay tuned for some great content and a transformation coming this way on Diary of a Lost Soul for the highs and woes of life from your average Josephine😉

Diary OF a Lost Soul

New Year, New Mood

6 Jan 2019 No Comments

I have said it sooo many times now but 2018 was my biggest test to date. I went through so many things that challenged me as a person and there were moments when I just felt like giving up on everything I planned.

These tribulations have shown me that if there was any moment that I thought I knew it before, I am now certain that I can make it through anything. But most importantly that I know who I am, and I believe that this is the best lesson you can ever learn. So this year I am going to take these attributes I learned about myself, use them to transform me into the Boss Lady I was born to be and conquer 2019.

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I Am A Born Leader

Funnily enough, I am a massive introvert but my loud mouth depicts otherwise. I have often let others use that characteristic to define me as someone who loves the spotlight. But the reality is if you really know me you are aware that I would rather sit right at the back, in the dark where nobody can see me. I have noticed that this has probably aided in me missing out on viable opportunities because I have been given a complex about it.

So this year I will no longer hide in the shadows, but stand in the fact that I cannot lead from the back. Stay tuned to see me doing all the things that terrify me but will, in turn, direct me to all the things I desire to achieve.

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I’m Hustler Baby

I have never been content with one just thing, I even chose my Universtiy degree all those years ago because of the various different avenues it could lead me to as I know how easily I get bored. So my inner Jackie of all trades has been screaming for me to push on with the ideas that swim around my brain on a daily basis. This year I will put all of my skills to use so that I can finally feel fulfilled in my working life, from blogging to volunteering I will be doing it all.

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Being Unapologetically Me

I spent a lot of time last year second guessing every move I made. I felt so anxious about whether I was doing the right thing, or what another person’s interpretation of the decision I made would be and it made me terribly self-conscious of who I am. This year I have decided not to over analyse and remember that because I am a good person so the choices I make will not be with the intent to hurt anyone in any way. And to remember that it is okay to be the loud, courageous, obnoxious and adventurous girl that is me!!!

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Unleashing My Spirituality

In the middle of last year, I went back to church, this was a long-term goal of mine but I was finally able to achieve it and it was the best thing I have ever done. It has shaped my learning over last year and I truly do not believe that I would be so happy without it or even have the courage to write this post. So this year I hope to get closer to God and really understand my spirituality better.

I read a quote this week that said making it through last year is a major achievement in itself. If you like myself have had with many moments of adversity within the last year, getting past that point is enough for you to win this year.

So use those hard times to motivate you and really take charge in 2019, I wish you all luck in everything you aspire.

Happy New Year!!!

Diary OF a Lost Soul

The Perfect Lie

7 Oct 2018 No Comments

Source: Gentle Touch Plastic Surgery

Social media is what I like to call a gift and a curse, on one hand, it is a smart networking and marketing tool. On the other hand, it is the smart networking and marketing tool. Still confused, me too but as we already know the apps allow us to use snapshots and short videos to promote ourselves, businesses, lifestyles to an array of different individuals in cities across the globe that have nothing to go off about us but the profile of our best bits.

Between food porn and latest dance craze videos, one of the most popular types of pictures on social media is those of Influencers and Models. It’s like you cannot get through a feed without being bombarded with images of scantily clad women captioned with some sort of motivational quote.

Disclaimer, this is not a post bashing Influencers or Models because as a Blogger my duties often cross over into both world’s, and they do serve as role models for many people for various reasons. But sites such as Instagram are a breeding ground for creating falsehoods, with Commercial and Fitness models inundating the site with their profiles and generating myths on how to get the perfect bod, but tactfully leaving out the fact that their passport has a mysterious stamp from Turkey with no trace of the visit on their page.

Source: Cruise Plastic Surgery

At the moment plastic surgery is all the rage in this new era. It is difficult to come across anyone who has not had a nip, tuck or prick anywhere to enhance or even change their physical attributes completely. From Brazilian buttlifts to Dermal Fillers it is as easy to come by as visiting your local corner shop for your favourite pack of sweets.

One thing that has not changed is the individuals undergoing such procedures being open and honest about it instead of claiming that fitness and great health choices gave them the body of their dreams. For instance, Nakita Johnson well-known Youtuber, Model, and Actress came under fire this week after she was complimented by a follower about her physical appearance and asked who the surgeon was that helped her reach her desired state. Nakita denied any augmentations and gave all of her praises to family traits and God. This appeared to enrage her followers who dispelled her ideas of being a natural beauty and begun to drop pictures of her before she had surgery to verify that this was not just normal changes.

I caught onto all this drama so late that Nakita had begun to recant her tweets and I was unable to see her responses, but by the looks of the remaining comments from other users she didn’t appear to let the comments go over her head. I am far from a fan of body shaming so I frown upon putting another person down for their presentation, but the long and short of it all is that her body as stunning as it is, is not a result of just great genes and the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit taking control of your livelihood.

Nakita’s approach to the situation was similar to that of a few others who have been called out. Between the Jenners, the Kardashians and a bunch of other models who are considered to have “the perfect body” the common theme includes convincing the public that drastic differences in their looks are the result of a great makeup artist, going to the gym or the worst myth of them all drinking enough liters of water just short of drowning yourself.

If you are anything like me then some of you reading this post have succumbed to the body image demons and have indulged in a fad or 2. From Flat Tummy Tea to Appetite suppressants (for me it was the waist trainers) people across the globe have bought into unrealistic health trends because they have been promoted by a person who has falsified accounts of it being the number 1 method for their physique.

Due to science and technology moving on so fast it becomes increasingly harder to detect whether someone has had any enhancements. With some procedures only needing short recovery times, you can be in the chair and out within a matter of hours without anyone having a clue that you have been tweaked.

With Plastic Surgery being at its height at the moment, with more and more men and women admitting to going under the knife to make some changes it appears to be a much more acceptable amongst millennials. So I think we can all agree that we are a lot less likely to be bothered by someone choosing surgery to make alterations.

With all this being said the reality of the situation is that we should not be so easily led. It is a part of an influencers job to use photos to emulate the perfect life, friends and looks so we should expect for them to do this without a blemish. I think with the current state of the beauty standards perfectionism will always be a unique selling point and we can admire there state but also notice the differences in our structures. We as a community should stop believing and reinforcing these testimonials and idiot guides to the perfect bod because they are highly unattainable without a cost and not their faith, consistency and hard work that paid off, but the skilfull work of a Surgeon.

Lastly a message to all the influencers out there, just tell us you saw Dr. Miami so we can stop getting IBS from Boo Tea👍

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Guidance From a Bruised Soul

14 Mar 2018 No Comments

If there is anything that I have learned from the last few months, is that life will throw millions of curve balls at you and you can either make every attempt to try and catch them all or get pelted like a bad comedy act.

I have always been told and have at times taken a good look in the mirror and repeated “damn girl you are strong”, but some things that happen in your life will really hit you in ways that can make drastic changes to the way you think and feel about yourself and what you’re even doing with your life.

I was always confident that I had a strong hold on my future, and after losing my Grandfather who was very dear to me and my family at the end of 2017 I was uberly optimistic about 2018 commencing. I did all the work, I was positive and what I had planned for the year was to be nothing shy of greatness. 30 days into the first month I was struck with another bout of devastation when my 4-year relationship came to an abrupt and shocking end leaving me stunned, confused and pessimistic about all the things I had put in place to happen for me.

I felt as if the reality that had been created for me was a terrible joke all at my expense. These 2 life-changing events left me in a dark place that I had always heard of but was sure that someone of my demeanor was unable to reach. I mean I could achieve anything I wanted, I truly exuded the definition of hard work so how could my whole world be falling down right in front of my eyes. If you are an avid follower of my blog I rarely admire my physical appearance but it is something that I live with and overall I am happy with myself. But after everything that had happened, I struggled to look at myself in the mirror often internally thinking horrible thoughts about the person I had painstakingly taken 28 years to love. I would get dressed up to the nines for an event and still pull myself to pieces. I hated myself, I felt so low that I stopped taking my friends calls because explaining all of the negative events that had happened felt like reliving it all over again and plus how does one feel their best when discussing their failures.

Whilst sitting in my cave at home in deep hiding I began to think about all the things that my elders had taught me, my mum always gave me the notion that if I work hard I will be able to reap all the benefits later on in life. No shade momma, I love ya but that was the biggest misconception of all time. We do not control this life, we own it but we have no clue on what adventures it will take us on.

Someone once told me that when people make plans God laughs, and remembering this quote is what pulled me out of my bubble of despair because we cannot see where we are going so how can we expect for our future to be executed exactly the way we dream it. Now, young budding representatives of the future do not look at this and think that I am telling you to throw all your vision boards and goals in the trash and dance like the wind. But do better than I did and accept that although we may have control over our destiny we do not have authority over what route it takes us on to get there. That course can be smooth sailing like a beautiful cruise to the Caribbean or it can be rough and choppy like a Robinson Crusoe inspired trek, but that journey is a vital part of your story.

Through all this pain and angst, I am now letting my toughest experiences be my best lessons and take my finger off the control freak button. Go with the flow a lil and not let anything knock me off my hustle, what doesn’t kill me can only make me stronger.

So do not get all stuck up in planning your whole lives to a tee, life is full of exciting twists and turns and when we focus on being control freaks we fail to see the lessons that our plunders and faux pas are created to teach us.

Remember, falling on your face is not the issue. it is how long it takes you to get back up.

With love, tears and big bottle of rum

Rea😘