Incapable or Just Unfocused?

As defined in the Cambridge dictionary focus is careful attention that is given to something such as a task. Or the ability to give your full attention to something.

I have never mastered true focus. The lessons I learned about womanhood were from watching my mother, a single mother, come home from work, drop her bag, and run straight into the kitchen to start dinner while quizzing me and my sister about school and outstanding homework. It taught me that being a successful woman meant negating rest and constantly having multiple coals on the fire. It is something that has never left me, so much so that I write this post en route home walking through a busy train station during rush hour. SHE. NEVER. STOPS!

These teachings followed me like holy scriptures. My ambition was always to become a high-flying career woman. Nothing could get in my way. It may be due to the numerous times I watched The Devil Wears Prada or the many years I have spent as a seasoned commuter, but my corporate strut makes traffic stop. I digress, basically I wanted to be at the top of my game so I put all my energy into my education and laid down on my back to impress managers, network and just be seen to be the hardest working individual that ever walked this earth.

Why nobody told me this plan was flawed I don’t know. It must be the spirit of the Windrush generation within me that made me believe that these efforts would be seen and rewarded accordingly but unfortunately this has not been the case. Although I consider myself successful, I now wonder if I am concentrating on the right aspects to truly feel accomplished and happy. Looking back on everything now I think I have not found peace within this factor because I have had poor focus. There are many levels to the characterisation of Rea, but one that has been present from as early as I can remember is my creative abilities. From making Barbie clothing out of old socks and busted balloons, to writing short stories in old school exercise books creativity has always come as easy to me as breathing. However, it’s been treated as a hobby, taking second place to the life my immigrant ancestors trusted would bring me freedom, leaving a gaping hole and fear of abandoning what I’ve carved out for myself.

I am a believer in having everything your heart desires, but understandably you can’t get everything all at once as achieving our wildest dreams demands a lot of time, attention and consistency which becomes more challenging when you are juggling multiple balls in the air like a circus performer. A quote that has stayed with me for the last few years uses the word focus as an acronym for “Follow One Course Until Successful” and this couldn’t be more true. We have to stay on the path trusting the process in all its triumphs and pitfalls to reach our goals. Over the years I have been met by and conjured up myself many other distractions that have diverted me from what I have always known to be a future pursuit. Self-doubt is one of focuses common enemies. I have always admired those who have had the faith to sacrifice money, careers and even relationships with those closest to them so they can reach that milestone. But I guess the feeling of surrendering your ambitions can wake you up like a thief in the night.

I think what I am trying to say is that you can execute anything when you have complete belief that it is attainable. I take that back, when you know it is going to come to pass. The Bible spoke about having faith the size of a mustard seed being able to change your story, but looking at that more closely having a mustard seed worth of doubt in your abilities can be the reason why you aren’t closing the deal. So give yourself a break and zone in on that project, idea or dream that has you feeling like there is an unfulfilled prophecy within you.