Speak Up Sis, They Can’t Hear You At The Back

Considering everything about me, you wouldn’t describe me as quiet. It is not uncommon for me to laugh with complete passion, to talk with conviction, and to have fun outwardly. Outspoken has been my reputation since the beginning of time. I’d love to say that this would be seen as a positive attribute in a time when people’s feelings, emotions, and views are so tightly controlled. However, it is often used with vitriol instead of an admirable quality bound to set us free from our unlawfully censored lives. I am an advocate of being yourself everywhere you go, although this sentiment is often reiterated all dimensions of our being will not be accepted in every environment. This has left me questioning if that is truly what they want or if that statement comes with some fine print?

I am probably a mix of some of the most outspoken cultures known to man. Caribbean women are nothing short of confident in sharing their concepts on a situation, and the East London in me making me loud and proud is probably a conservative’s worst nightmare. One of my true moments of censorship was when I went to university, going it alone and needing to merge into a new community, I was open to new viewpoints on who I am, as well as who I should be at this point in my life. What I thought would be an experience of finding my own tribe was ladened with more reasons to doubt what I always thought was an acceptable manner of conducting myself. Being dubbed as a feminist and someone who is least likely to get married as no man would be able to accept my mouth, was the moment I really became a shrinking violet. Here I was immersed in the territory I had dreamed about and it was silencing me, I started to become more quiet looking towards the other black women for feedback on the acceptable way of to present myself which when I look back was silly because whenever something went awry or there was tough decision to be made the congregation knew exactly who to look for.

Truthfully, it’s doubtful that everything I said was needed, or even the wisest. My journey into becoming my own version of Rea has been marked by many bumps in the road, and the anxious bird living inside me often flutters by reminding me of the egotistical, tone-deaf, and sometimes disrespectful comments my lack of lived experience has caused. There is an old Jamaican proverb that says “Talk and taste your tongue” which means to think before you speak, although I felt I was doing that I would like to blame my underdeveloped frontal lobe for anything I may have said during that period.

But seriously, it seems that to function in this manufactured society we live in, some of the best parts of your personality need to remain hidden. There are so many environments that don’t get to see the full essence of who I am as they would either misunderstand or even attack it. As I have taken some more trips around the sun, I have learned that curbing my enthusiasm is a colossal waste of time. Even in circumstances where I have decided to provide space for others to share their sentiments my silence often left space for judgment so I may have well just of shared how I was feeling anyway. I don’t know how many times I have sat in a meeting room full at the seams when a question is asked and all eyes dart in my direction, or someone says “I am sure Serea has thoughts on this?”. I promise it is enough for me to go full rage heavyweight Anthony Joshua on yo ass because it is evident that if I had something to say I would share it?

I think I have said it before, but for this world to function it requires people to come from all different walks of life as well as possess various attributes as it adds colour to the dark and dismal place this world can be at times. We all need to fit in to some degree but the only resolution shouldn’t be for us to morph into a completely different person. I believe that we were all made for a purpose and when we quell that it only stops us from reaching our full potential allowing others around us to excel and feel comfortable in their skin. My advice would be to take it as a compliment, they see your shine and sometimes that can be because they are threatened or because you possess characteristics they wish they embodied. We all have a responsibility to be mindful of what we say and how it lands, but as long as it is delivered with care and not to destroy another we have done everything within our power. You have a right to share your thoughts and whether they are considered to be right or wrong isn’t necessarily your business, the only thing you need to focus on is the impact you leave behind.