A Note on Healing

I missed my posting deadline last week, and I would love to say it was because I was inundated with other prosperous engagements. But reality is the day passed me as I was consumed by a bout of extreme negative thinking. Emulating Spongebob’s bestie Patrick burying myself under the biggest rock I could find and naming it home. The level of overwhelm that struck wasn’t abnormal, but my inability to counteract it was alarming as it has been a while since I have had difficulty finding a solution to a dark period, calling into question if I am as healed as I think I am?

My life has been anything but easy and I would like to think that I had accepted my anointing as one of God’s strongest soldiers. But just like on the battlefield you can never predict the outcome of the oppositions move. I define myself as a realist, meaning life comes at me fast and I deal with it. So I am used to the rocky terrain the journey entails. So whenever I am faced with adversity I reach into my trusty therapeutic tool box selecting a strategy to fit the scenario. Human nature would have us believe that we are invincible, built like Teflon Don’s who can weather any storm without a bruise in sight carrying on like nothing ever happened. As I spoke about in one of my last posts our bodies are a great memory bank so it is assumed that everything we experience will provide us with a blueprint of how to deal with it as well as others similar, but this is untrue. And when we don’t emerge victorious it forces us down the imposter syndrome route as if everything we previously thought about ourselves was a lie.

The British spirit of “keep calm and carry on” is a dangerous one. It forces us into disassociation giving a false sense of awareness of when we are triggered. So instead of beginning the deep work at the start of the incident, we frantically begin treatment when we are knee deep in the crisis stage. Although we all handle adversity differently, we can all agree that even if we consider ourselves to work well under stressful situations if we had a choice those would not be our desired circumstances. Give yourself a break, acknowledging that you are struggling with something or do not have the answer to a dilemma does not make you weak. I have often found more strength in my vulnerabilty than my assurance because being a know it all can make you dismissive to the other options around you.

It has reminded me that healing isn’t about counting down the days to when you are going to get back on the horse, healing is knowing no matter how long it takes you are getting back on that horse. It isn’t linear, and there will be days that you call into question whether you have been doing any work at all. The relief of conquering that mountain, feels like defeat when we find ourselves staring up a new one in the distance. But here’s the thing – even the strongest soldiers need a break sometimes. Forgiving yourself for succumbing to hardship isn’t easy. It challenges the narrative of invincibility we often create. But vulnerability and self-compassion are true signs of strength.

Don’t be like me and judge yourself for not noticing what the issue, and doing what was necessary to stay on track. It is important to remain gentle with ourselves, the journey through healing is a marathon not a sprint. So, here’s to acknowledging the setbacks, dusting ourselves off, and reaching back into that trusty toolbox. This time, maybe we add a “check-in” tool – a reminder to listen to our internal compass and address negativity before it snowballs