I am frustrated, pissed off even. Because I think when people look at my life, the success I have achieved, and the joy in my heart they assume that I am like this because I was touched by an angel. This is far from the truth. If a surgeon extrapolated my brain they would find the internal battle of feeling as if I am nowhere near what I want to be, and far from where I expected of my future at this stage many moons ago. I would like to think that I have let go of some of those unrealistic expectations, done away with the pipe dreams, settled into the fact that although I do not know my path, I am here for all I can pick up along the journey.
Being happy and confident is a lot of fucking hard work. As much as I believe that we are all beautifully and uniquely made with different characteristics, and talents we all face some of the same challenges. Life is gonna test the hell out of every single one of us, bringing you to your knees in ways that you couldn’t even imagine. And just when it seems like you have clocked the game a brand new boss pops up stronger than the last to see if you are really about this life.
Much to people’s surprise I wasn’t born knowing how to combat my demons. I had to learn when it is appropriate to fight back or don my track shoes and get to stepping because I had 2 choices kill or be killed. Now this isn’t a message for anyone struggling with their mental health. Especially in these times when it feels like every step forward is followed by 10 steps back. This is for the people who have admired those like myself without genuinely asking or paying attention to how I got here and splutter “it’s different for you, you are just so strong”.
I will admit there are days when I feel impenetrable, like God himself couldn’t knock me down. However, if I am being honest those days are very few and far between. Most of the time my cranium is full of questions and doubt, wondering whether what I am doing is right or if whether to continue as I probably made a wrong turn somewhere. Alas, I still show up, for myself more than anything ready to make it to another day.
People can be like leeches, instead of standing tall and facing their adversities they sit at the bottom of the ocean nipping at the ankles of others using their last morsel of might hoping to strengthen themselves even it means depleting someone else. To me this is the ultimate crime, for you who refuses to do the work sucking from another source in order to give you life is extremely unfair. You have no idea what it takes just to put one foot in front of the other. If they knew how meticulously planned my day, thoughts and actions are would they be so quick to disregard what it takes to get here? Is there a chance that this isn’t an act of sheer cowardice but a life uncertainty that they are trying to find the answer to?
The fact that those who have been considered to be given the blueprint to the perfect life can still end up destitute demonstrates that there are no rewards without diligence. Those quotes that express you being in charge of your own happiness don’t always explain the fine print. You are also culpable for your own unhappiness if you aren’t dedicated to getting out of your own way.
Unfortunately it seems the bulk of the solution lies with you. You can tell the person how their act of survival is draining your energy and see how they respond. Or continue to put your efforts into them hoping change will come. How much help you provide to anyone is a deliberate act of self-care, no matter what it is the responsibility of that individual to handle the push and pull of their life. Yes, you may have experienced something similar and can provide vital advice to support them but this should never transition into doing the work for them. We are the architects of our own futures, no matter how hard it can be to achieve. Reality of the situation is that people will always do what they want, not necessarily what is right and you can’t get yourself into a bind over it. How much time will you have left for yourself? I’m pretty sure we all have a story of that friend we tried to give advice to, and now the relationship is no more…. you know what I will leave that for another post.
