Let Him Be Your Motivator

From what my family history has taught me completely trusting a man is like taking your own cyanide pill. And if I am being honest from looking at their choices in counterparts I agree with how they arrived at that destination. The lack of positive men around me throughout life deeply deterred me from understanding how another who comes with their own baggage can lessen your burdens? Experiences like these reinforced the independent lioness of a woman that lives within forcing me to become my own defence mechanism, confidante, support system and motivation. But the jungle gets tiring, and it led me to think is it possible to be both hunter and gatherer?

I can’t say I wholeheartedly trust anyone with my life. The turbulence of my upbringing, mixed with the unwritten decree I set upon myself not to destroy my lineage by being an awful parent makes me precious over who has influence in my world. I have spent most of my formative years putting up electric fences to warn off any man that may disturb the peaceful realm I have created. But I would be lying if I said I don’t get FOMO watching women freely living delulu in their relationships despite being terrified of exploring. History has shown that independence within a woman is only ever seen in 2 ways;

• To be something to tear down as it diminshes the male ego
• To be taken from due to the lack of ability for said man to provide for himself

So being in a relationship can feel like a complete attack on the familiarities that are my beloved security blanket. Saying this constantly exisiting in defence mode can not only be exhausting but also really isolating, and creates nuances about your persona that aren’t a true reflection of who you are or want to be. I hate being a hinderence to my progression so I have been making more of an effort to share some of the most sacred parts of my soul with my significant other. Although it hasn’t been without it’s challenges, this has been an experience that has only enhanced me in my relationship but also as an indvidual overall. What those who became before us failed to mention is that not everyone deserves the most sacred parts of us, but there will be some who won’t add to our distress. The comfort of knowing even if I fail myself I will be there to pick myself back up has been my motivation on some of my darkest days.

Social media is alive with the quote “Are you really healed or just isolated form the things that trigger you?” This really resonated with me. It made me realise that despite doing all this work on myself, I cannot truly know how I handle something if I evade putting it to the test. Relationships can be extremely tricky water to tread, but I won’t be able to reach the milestones if I don’t put myself in a position to give someone else the reins every once in a while.

Men are not the enemy, unhealed individuals with poor intentions are. Every woman wants a good man, and although this can mean different things for everyone I often hear women share their sentiments of what makes the perfect partner, the leading factor is always money. When in reality the depth of someones pockets doesn’t determine the quality of their character. It all comes back to that uncomfortble space called vulnerability, a word that isn’t always assigned to black woman but an extremely humanistic value. If you are true to yourself, the person you choose will honour you. Even the parts you hate will be silly little quirks they adore.

You don’t have to do much right now, just let others in to places you keep locked up in Pandora’s box. An anecdote I share with myself when I find am apprehensive about opening up is, that when someone breaks your trust it says more about them then you and let them hold that. Free yourself sis, open up and let him be your motivator.