Self-Love Archives - Diary of a Lost Soul

In This Dark World Your Enthusiasm Will Be A Problem

11 Sep 2022 2 Comments

I have received positive feedback this week, but I am left with many questions, as I should be filled with elation bursting at the seams for hitting a target both professionally and personally that will propel me forward toward my carefully curated year-long plan as I look forward to it. In light of this, I ended yesterday on an all-time low because of comments made about my characteristics, which I have always heard but never really understood.

It has been brought up in other posts, but my personality type hasn’t always been well received by most people. Because of this I have struggled to understand people and their motives. In an effort to grow as an individual, in my 20s I set myself a task to take more time to explore these feelings for myself and others. This was so that overall I could have better relationships. Although this was helpful, I found myself tormented by other’s expectations of me and became clear about my people-pleasing nature which in turn manifested into a lack of self-care and self-awareness. By the time I was 30 I was awakened and embarked on the journey of self-discovery, so I consolidated my own wants and needs and located my voice (although it still wavers at times). I would love to say this has the ending of a chick flick movie where the teenie boppers are destined to have a long-lasting relationship supporting each other towards their dreams, but sadly no. This is more like a horror movie where only the lead character survives and wonders how civilisation is going to survive amidst the devastation.

I may be sounding slightly dramatic, but I think it is fair as I am just wrapping my head around these emotions. But I think we are so caught up in deciding how people should present instead of understanding that we all hold our place in society. In other words if you don’t like the way I am you should probably just drink your water and mind your business. I know this is a personal issue and we can never be entirely sI have received positive feedback this week, but I am left with many questions, as I should be filled with elation bursting at the seams for hitting a target both professionally and personally that will propel me forward towards my carefully curated year-long plan as I look forward to it. In light of this, I ended yesterday on an all-time low because of comments made about my characteristics, which I have always heard but never really understood.

Being oneself is not celebrated enough, and if you were like me, who had dreams of living life unapologetically with a passion that burns brighter than the sun, you might have been shocked to discover that adult circles can be just as divisive and juvenile as those in the playground. It is possible to be ridiculed and ostracised for wanting change and taking action to alter your environment. This is because it is not easy to evoke positivity and these views can be shot down by those who perceive themselves as your allies.

Despite my spiral I have been fighting to move past these feelings so have relied on echoed advice from some of my trusted advisers that is helping me lean towards the resilient side of my soul. We all need feedback to grow. That can mean we are provided with comments that highlight areas for development. These can be hard to receive but these should not be used as a weapon to bring us down or encourage majorly changing our character to suit the crowd. There is nothing wrong with being yourself and although that might cause contention among some of the groups you may be subscribed to it doesn’t mean you need to overhaul yourself to fit in because I am sure even if you make those changes they will still return with further alterations. Overall keep shining your light even if it burns people’s eyes, misery often loves company and even if people struggle to manage the bounce in your step it is better to be enthusiastic bringing brightness to the darkness of this world.

P.S I hope this post provides as much healing for you as it has for me in these last 48 hours 🥰

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Cry, Journal, Pray

10 Jul 2022 3 Comments

Looking back, but moving forward has been the motto ever since I restarted blogging this year because self-reflection is a vital tool to help us improve our lives, rumination over experiences or feelings may leave us more stagnant than a local London pond and we all know Rea ain’t got time for that!

As I shared in my last post, comments about me having a special anointing that gives me superhero levels of immunity to the stresses and strains life hands out are heavily refuted because for as long as I can remember I could never say that I have had an easy life so struggle and setbacks have been something I have more than a clear understanding of. Across the world, we were all united by the experience of the great lockdown of 2020. Like everyone else, I too planned a fruitful year that would challenge all those before it. But as 1 year of the crisis quickly turned to 2 I started looking up at God and just checking to see if this is the plan he had laid out for me.

I probably experienced one of my biggest depressive bouts during this time, not only because I felt I couldn’t fight the caged animal scenario playing out before my eyes. But because I felt like some of the most valuable years of my life were dwindling and I was powerless against it. During these days of darkness I developed a process that I still use today as a tool to help me get back on my feet: Cry, Journal, Pray.

Cry

As a black woman who now holds a professional position of power, I was taught that I had to be devout of all emotions publically in order to be successful. This is what I would consider a half-truth, as a team needs a leader who has exemplary control and that definitely cannot be demonstrated if they have a meltdown at the thought of a decision needing to be made. However, allowing myself to be vulnerable and cry has probably made me my strongest. This is because it provides me with the ability to release the tension I store in the different spaces of my body due to putting on a brave face for the masses.

I always advise people to schedule in a good cry to let go of those pent-up frustrations. According to Psychology Today, 50% of people feel better after crying whereas only 10% have reported they have felt less well after a despair session. This proves that crying is a response to support, not to make us look like a bag of walking hormonal disruptions.

Journal

When I am most overwhelmed I find it nearly impossible to verbally express myself. It has gotten so unbearable at times that some of my longest commutes to work I have done in silence as the sound of my favourite choons no longer gives me the feels but serves as an annoyance. Journaling has been a comforting technique as the pen has taken over when I have difficulty finding the words to explain where my state of mind has taken me. As an active member of the negative self-talk society, I use my journal to put the ideas that cloud my brain into written format and rid me of anxious and doubtful concepts setting up a war camp in my brain. Putting these on paper allows me to address and validate them. I can then decide whether they need to be actioned or released into the wild so I can focus on the more positive aspects of my life.

Outside of my personal journals I keep locked away in my secret crypt nobody will ever find (insert evil laugh), Diary of a Lost Soul has served as my public digital journal. Sharing my thoughts with you all has been a major part of my healing process. This is especially true when I receive feedback. It is encouraging to know I am not alone in my experiences and that my posts make others feel like they belong in this lonely world.

Photo by TUBARONES PHOTOGRAPHY on Pexels.com

Pray

When I was on my Christian walk I found so much solace in talking to God. I would do it in private and that was when I was my most vulnerable sharing things that the closest people to me wouldn’t know I was dealing with. Now that I have taken a more spiritual perspective on life I still pray and it has proven to be a verbal way of letting go of any stressful notions but also supports me in taking a solution-based outlook on the issues I face.

It is always considered that you have to be religious or have a relationship with God in order to pray, the way how I see it prayer is about being thankful or asking for guidance. This is something you can do no matter your beliefs. I am a self-appointed level 14 control freak who spends alot of her day finding ways to avoid her life emulating an epic car crash. Thus, it is a relief to give the universe control over an outcome when I’ve run out of theories or have lost the will to continue.

Trusting the process is a cheesy anecdote but have been words I have ended my most strenuous days in greater stead. Like the legendary Nipsey Hussle said, “Life ain’t a sprint, it’s a marathon”. So permit yourself to set down whatever it is you are battling with and give yourself that well-needed mental break before considering how you might solve it, trust me you will feel better for it.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

The Perks of Being Emotionally Available

24 Apr 2022 No Comments

I have come to accept my occasions of disarray. This is because not only do they alter my life and mindset, but the content I produce is worthy of shaking any establishment’s table. Maybe I am doing a great job at being my own cheerleader, but re-reading my posts makes me more than proud of what I have learned from these experiences and after the storm has passed I am able to embrace them warmly as a revered distant family member.

What I believe has spurred on this descent down depression avenue was my approaching birthday, and despite me being a person who will celebrate for the whole month it is also time for deep contemplation. This year I spent it in solitude and I don’t know if it was a combination of the earth-shattering silence mixed with the fact that I had jumped from one job to another without a break that was the perfect cocktail for a breakdown but your sis went through it. I must say in my older age I have become more comfortable with sitting in these moments. Because like many of you the driven quality of my personality means I am constantly on the go. This easily gives me the opportunity to run away from the issues I have difficulty facing. So submerging myself into a project or someone else’s issues is the perfect distraction. This episode of “Rea’s Depths of Depression” was sponsored by my inability to be comfortable with emotional availability.

I never used to believe it but I am an extremely strong woman and I am now aware of the qualities I possess. My power is an attribute I deeply admire but it has a hardening effect on me dispelling any other vulnerable form of emotion that dares to approach the surface. I recollect going through my first bout of therapy. My therapist would say upon me sitting in that cold blank NHS standard office that I looked “tightly wound”. It took me a few years to truly understand she meant no disrespect by making this statement. However, she was explaining that physically looking at me I always looked as if I was holding something in. As a child, I was always taught not to cry as it was a sign of weakness so being the obedient youngest daughter I am I banished those emotions to different crevices in my body (my clenched jaw and tense shoulders) and stayed consistent in a warrior stance. I have now learned at the ripe old age of 33 that there is so much beauty in being vulnerable and allowing others to see this side of my personality.

I completely understand why I was given these messages. Life continuously demonstrates that, despite being a proud black woman it comes with so many caveats that you are fighting battles in your sleep, and there is a certain level of strength you need to possess in order to ensure you are not defeated. Be that as it may, looking back on certain situations being more open and exposing myself may have given the effect that I was hoping for. There have been so many experiences where my inner emotional mascot has been screaming to emerge. If I allowed her to take control what I was trying to explain or portray may have had a different influence. I don’t live on regret boulevard and certainly wouldn’t change how my life has panned out. However, healthy reflection is a part of personal development and without this part, it would hinder growth.

I understand why we are always being forced to remain strong during adversity because “tough times never last, only tough people” But there is much merit in experiencing all of our emotions and being present in them which isn’t often validated. Please do not use this as an excuse to have any reality show-worthy drink throwing escapade because the repercussions of these actions will come at you very fast, but not every event requires you to approach it as the kind of person who isn’t phased by bad news or losing something you deemed precious or of high value. So laugh out loud, cry, take a chance on that opportunity, hell tell that person how you feel. When we feel comfortable with being exposed, our chances of achieving our desires increase. At least the feelings of regret won’t consume our beings when silence comes.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

The Journey to Philautia

17 May 2021 1 Comment

Philautia is the ancient Greek word for self-love, it is a term that is often used amongst the millennial culture meaning to tend to your own needs and wellbeing without sacrificing yourself for the pleasure of others. But I struggle to see evidence of how it demonstrated well despite the copious use of bubble baths, and solo trips around the world it makes me wonder do we really love ourselves as much as we say we do?

I think we can all agree that we are probably our worst enemies, no matter what someone can say or do to us we have probably done worse. It doesn’t mean that we despise every living and breathing thing about ourselves but spend a lot of time being self-critical about most of the things we do which builds a very undesirable picture of self. Team that with the distorted and hateful views of society and you get one big ball of self-destruction. The pandemic taught me that I am incredulously mean and disregarding of myself, from pushing myself to the absolute limit career-wise, not to mention the relationship between me and my body, I have heavily supported in turning myself into someone I wouldn’t want to spend time with alone.

As a blogger and avid reader of personal development informed texts, I become enraged when the latest portions encouraging me to love myself are concluded with the concept that taking a bath, regular face masks or booking a spa weekend will make me feel better about myself. I am a hard worker, so to gain some control and balance over my life I would play hard with my besties mainly on the raw streets of Shoreditch on the weekends living my best alcohol filled life, sleeping it off until Monday, then trudging it through a hectic work week all over again. When the earth stood still in the name of a virus, combined with a breakup from a long-term relationship (we will get to this one in another post) I was left with none of my crutches to distract me from the lacklustre life I was leading. The silence was deafening, and it was within those moments that I knew that there was nothing else left to do but tackle those deep dark parts of my mind that I had compartmentalised for so long, and no bubble bath brand had the strength to cure those.

Now, I don’t want to throw shade at anyone who uses any of the above-mentioned methods to take care of themselves as I agree that they serve a purpose. But what I argue is that they don’t truly heal us, it is like putting a plaster over your pain it has very little effect including the fact that we don’t all have the revenue to regularly engage in these activities the minute our mood drops. The biggest part of self-care is the inner work, the things that warm our soul so we feel good from the inside out. It has taken a stint in counselling, implementing food and lifestyle change, journaling and prayer to support the journey to truly show the love to myself I truly deserve. I can’t pinpoint when I jumped on the self-hate train but it really embedded itself within my teen years, and I realised undoing that level of indoctrination worthies more than a few packets of Superdrug’s finest face masks. I spent a lot of time loving other people in a way that I should’ve been loving myself, and until I got real and faced the hard truths about life, I was unable to feel comfortable in my own skin.

So, I challenge you all to take a leap and dig deep into your souls. Those thoughts that randomly resurface, embrace them, name them and take care of them. Show the kindness you give to others to yourself at your most difficult times, and most important of all learn what true love is, what you are giving out so freely to others must be given to yourself first… then run and tell me how soothing that bubble bath really was?

Diary OF a Lost Soul

Be Your Own Spirit Animal

13 Oct 2019 No Comments

Throughout our lives, we are privileged to experience inspiration. At any given moment we can spontaneously be influenced by something we have seen or by someone we might know or follow, and when an individual is inspired by something it is usually superseded by empowerment which motivates them to reach out for their own goals and aspirations.

The term ‘Spirit Animal originally derived from Native Americans as an animal who chooses you, or you choose it for guidance & learning to help you throughout life. 21st-century millennials have remixed this ideology to fit with the current pop-culture, labelling the phrase as a person or character that represents your inner personality. Or someone who behaves as though they are showing your feelings through their own actions. Within the context of the most current understanding, a spirit animal can be anyone that a person may idolise or admire such as a family member, a friend, a celebrity, even a public figure. But I feel that there is a massive difference between admiration of one’s accomplishments and attempting to imitate another person’s lifestyle or journey.

unknown celebrity wearing black dress carrying black leather bag — Photo by Redrecords ©️ on Pexels.com

I have my very own spirit Goddess and she is nothing short of the amazing Mrs Carter, I respect Beyoncé because she is a boss, she is strong, and she consistently pushes boundaries to be the best and that is exactly what I aspire to be. But despite this, I am highly aware that I will never be Queen Bey for many reasons, as motivating as her path to greatness is she and I are completely different people and I sleep with ease being content with this. (p.s running on a treadmill while singing your guts off seems way too hard). But I have noticed that society tends to focus so much on the success of others that it can give off the impression that we have to follow one particular method to be successful and live a luxurious life.

For example, as a lifestyle blogger, my main aim is to conquer the internet with my posts full of wit, sass and life truths. Before I started the site, I was full of doubt because the web is crowded with other personalities of a stature similar to mine and it sometimes appears that other bloggers just blew up overnight. Whereas my blog as great as I feel my content is struggling to reach the right platforms. In the first year, I read copious articles researching on how to grow my following and the kinds of posts I would need to write to achieve that expectancy and none of these techniques has worked for my site to date. After I trashed myself for about an hour or so losing all faith in my hopes and dreams, I gained some clarity and realised that even though our goals might be identical to others within our field all of our pathways to said target will be very different, and the same model does not work for everyone.

woman lying on man s lap — Photo by Ali Müftüoğulları on Pexels.com

Sometimes I sit back and think what happened to embracing our own destiny? Why do we always attempt to manifest our purpose using another person’s blueprint? Now do not get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with using lessons and motivation from others to assist in guiding you towards your own merits, but sometimes it is as if watching other people’s success has blinded us from our own journeys. So when our lives do not amount to the triumph of another’s we become distressed or feel like failures. Sites like Youtube has built spaces for creatives to share their talents worldwide and whilst this has been a viable tool it has forced people into thinking that following the challenges/pranks/story-telling approach is sure to gain instant fame and fast money.

The struggle to identify our own values is what causes us to admire the worth of our neighbours, the reality of it is that we were all brought in to this world to succeed one way or another, and the way to win it all is to continue to work within our own purpose with the gifts we have been granted. We all have differences so we should use them, despite it being shunned by society the world is deeply desperate for variety of opinion, mindset and ideas so don’t feel conforming to the social norms is the key to giving you your hearts desires.

So believe in yourself, admire what you have been given and use that to motivate yourself. But most of all be your own damn spirit animal!

Diary OF a Lost Soul

He Cares Not For Your Tear’s Sis

18 Aug 2019 No Comments

From the tender age of about 5 or 6, I remember being told “crying is for babies”, as I evolved in age it changed to “crying is a weakness”. As much as my weekly counselling sessions vehemently refute the latter statement I agree with it to a certain degree, crying is a valid emotion that should be as freely released as anger, happiness or sadness. But there is one instance in which I will never share this emotion and that is in front of an uncaring man.

Now, I know some of my fellow sisters might strongly disagree with me and retort “so you won’t ever cry in front of your boyfriend or husband” and the answer is yes, I sure will. And the reason for this is because I would hope that the above mentioned would not be anyone who wished any less than the best for me. My use for the term ‘uncaring man’ defines a dude who has wronged you and fails to demonstrate any type of remorse towards the pain he has or may have caused you by his actions. Why such a militant response to another’s actions you ask?

photo of a person leaning on wooden window — Photo by Dương Nhân on Pexels.com

Both men and women are emotional beings, but I believe regardless of whether women show it our actions are more likely to be fuelled by the emotion we are experiencing within that moment. I am a hibernator of mine, so they are usually stored inside laying dormant until they are unleashed by a situation or a person that has either made me deeply sad or triggered the inferno sized blaze within me. Crying is probably one of the most vulnerable points for any individual, so it makes me infuriated to the highest degree when I see a woman reveal some of the most sacred parts of herself to a man who clearly sees this not as a bearing of her soul but an annoyance or waste of his time.

In the last few years, studies have eluded to the therapeutic elements of crying. (Psychology Today 2010) discusses the health benefits of tears in regards to our emotional state, It mentions emotional tears containing stress hormones and toxins that are released when we cry and also stimulate the release of endorphins which are natural painkillers.

I always advise any woman I consider dear to me not to cry in front of men for many reasons;

Men hate and are afraid of a woman’s tears
They cannot always comprehend the emotion behind the action
It makes them uncomfortable
They will say anything (lie) to make it stop
They see them as a weapon against them

blonde hair blur daylight environment — Photo by Sebastian Voortman on Pexels.com

Now I see crying as a therapeutic activity, not only do I psychologically feel freed after a Kim Kardashian style ugly crying face sob but those tight knots I always noticed but failed to see loosen as if an instant calm rushes over my body like the ending of a storm. This feeling of euphoria is only disturbed when the emotions you are sharing are not reciprocated or at least empathised. We have the right to be vulnerable in public as it is a method of healing for us, but that moment of clarity is stolen from us when the person we choose to share it with demonstrates that it has no place in their lives.

Our sister circles, therapists, family even co-workers can offer a stronger source of counsel than a retaliated “it’s not that deep”. Expose yourself to the people that will offer you support within moments where you require love and attention, not criticise or ridicule some of your most painful and sacred expressions. By no means am I encouraging us females to be fearful of showing emotions as it is healthy to release them because a man who truly cares for your wellbeing will nurture and protect all sides of you, but I urge my girls to be wary of terrified boys masked as men because they care not for your tears.

Diary OF a Lost Soul

The Perfect Lie

7 Oct 2018 No Comments

Source: Gentle Touch Plastic Surgery

Social media is what I like to call a gift and a curse, on one hand, it is a smart networking and marketing tool. On the other hand, it is the smart networking and marketing tool. Still confused, me too but as we already know the apps allow us to use snapshots and short videos to promote ourselves, businesses, lifestyles to an array of different individuals in cities across the globe that have nothing to go off about us but the profile of our best bits.

Between food porn and latest dance craze videos, one of the most popular types of pictures on social media is those of Influencers and Models. It’s like you cannot get through a feed without being bombarded with images of scantily clad women captioned with some sort of motivational quote.

Disclaimer, this is not a post bashing Influencers or Models because as a Blogger my duties often cross over into both world’s, and they do serve as role models for many people for various reasons. But sites such as Instagram are a breeding ground for creating falsehoods, with Commercial and Fitness models inundating the site with their profiles and generating myths on how to get the perfect bod, but tactfully leaving out the fact that their passport has a mysterious stamp from Turkey with no trace of the visit on their page.

Source: Cruise Plastic Surgery

At the moment plastic surgery is all the rage in this new era. It is difficult to come across anyone who has not had a nip, tuck or prick anywhere to enhance or even change their physical attributes completely. From Brazilian buttlifts to Dermal Fillers it is as easy to come by as visiting your local corner shop for your favourite pack of sweets.

One thing that has not changed is the individuals undergoing such procedures being open and honest about it instead of claiming that fitness and great health choices gave them the body of their dreams. For instance, Nakita Johnson well-known Youtuber, Model, and Actress came under fire this week after she was complimented by a follower about her physical appearance and asked who the surgeon was that helped her reach her desired state. Nakita denied any augmentations and gave all of her praises to family traits and God. This appeared to enrage her followers who dispelled her ideas of being a natural beauty and begun to drop pictures of her before she had surgery to verify that this was not just normal changes.

I caught onto all this drama so late that Nakita had begun to recant her tweets and I was unable to see her responses, but by the looks of the remaining comments from other users she didn’t appear to let the comments go over her head. I am far from a fan of body shaming so I frown upon putting another person down for their presentation, but the long and short of it all is that her body as stunning as it is, is not a result of just great genes and the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit taking control of your livelihood.

Nakita’s approach to the situation was similar to that of a few others who have been called out. Between the Jenners, the Kardashians and a bunch of other models who are considered to have “the perfect body” the common theme includes convincing the public that drastic differences in their looks are the result of a great makeup artist, going to the gym or the worst myth of them all drinking enough liters of water just short of drowning yourself.

If you are anything like me then some of you reading this post have succumbed to the body image demons and have indulged in a fad or 2. From Flat Tummy Tea to Appetite suppressants (for me it was the waist trainers) people across the globe have bought into unrealistic health trends because they have been promoted by a person who has falsified accounts of it being the number 1 method for their physique.

Due to science and technology moving on so fast it becomes increasingly harder to detect whether someone has had any enhancements. With some procedures only needing short recovery times, you can be in the chair and out within a matter of hours without anyone having a clue that you have been tweaked.

With Plastic Surgery being at its height at the moment, with more and more men and women admitting to going under the knife to make some changes it appears to be a much more acceptable amongst millennials. So I think we can all agree that we are a lot less likely to be bothered by someone choosing surgery to make alterations.

With all this being said the reality of the situation is that we should not be so easily led. It is a part of an influencers job to use photos to emulate the perfect life, friends and looks so we should expect for them to do this without a blemish. I think with the current state of the beauty standards perfectionism will always be a unique selling point and we can admire there state but also notice the differences in our structures. We as a community should stop believing and reinforcing these testimonials and idiot guides to the perfect bod because they are highly unattainable without a cost and not their faith, consistency and hard work that paid off, but the skilfull work of a Surgeon.

Lastly a message to all the influencers out there, just tell us you saw Dr. Miami so we can stop getting IBS from Boo Tea👍

Diary OF a Lost Soul

My Love Lessons

30 Sep 2018 1 Comment

I thought I had everything figured out when it came to men in my late teens, I remember sitting in our then kitchen on my very quiet and intimate family gathering for my 18th birthday listening to one of my aunt’s give a speech about growing into a woman. She is the realist aunt to touch these roads so this talk definitely included some sexual connotations that my mum wouldn’t dare to mention. But as hilarious and as well as spine-tinglingly cringing that experience was that is not the most memorable part of it.

What really makes me repeatedly facepalm myself were my own thoughts, my theory on relationships was wanting a man that did not involve a lot of work e.g flat pack Ikea type of man. You get all the parts you need, but you have to put it together yourself. I wanted a bespoke man that had all the pieces already together and just required a little polishing or some WD40 to keep the hinges from creaking. Because I was already in tune with the fact that I loved my own space and company (this decision I made after years of having an older sister) me and my boo were going to buy houses next to each other and live separately, so if we ever got sick of the sight of one another we would just go back to our own spaces right?

: Photo by bruce mars on Pexels.com

Yeeea, I was definitely a naive and antisocial bird. But this theory followed me through University where I had boyfriends and developed “situationships” that I barely had a pinky toes measurement of investment too. They messed around and I didn’t take them seriously, that was the motto.

But all of that changed when I turned 24 and met my now current boyfriend. At the time of meeting him, I was beyond tired of the male species. Nothing was new, exciting or spontaneous so I had a lack of interest in embarking on anything permanent.

Our relationship has been nothing short of rollercoaster full of many twists and turns but one I have been reluctant to get off. I have learned so much about not just other people but also myself. So here are a few things that falling in love has taught me;

Patience is a virtue

I always knew that I had low tolerance levels, probably a result of being in a alliance with my own company for so long. But having to accommodate another person’s thoughts and feelings is a difficult thing to do, even some of the most caring individuals struggle with this. There will be unmeasurable accounts of where your significant other will tap dance on the very last nerve you have left such as leaving their boxers on the bathroom floor even though they know you detest it. Just remember that the union you hope to build is made up of both parties working together, and this won’t work if you are trying to emulate the Bart Simpson strangle technique every time they do something you don’t agree with.

Boy will there be rough days

I was convinced that if you were with the right person then you are less likely to argue, or it will make it easier for the both of you to agree on things in a harmonious manner. Well, we all know how wrong I was and it demonstrated to me that lots of arguments don’t indicate a terrible relationship. The reality is that when 2 individuals join together they will both have different ideas which can of course cause clashes, but what I have learned is that those experiences are teachable moments that allow you to learn what is acceptable or unacceptable for one another.

a-committed-relationship-with-my-wonderful-boyfriend-748x421 — Source: The Frisky

Your partner is an alien!!!

If you thought you knew your beau you are sadly mistaken, there will be a moment down the line into your bond that you will look at your better half as if you are just now meeting them for the very first time. Relationships take time to master and the getting to know period is longer than the 6-month honeymoon stage that everyone talks about, within time the novelty of new love wears off and things are revealed that you never expected. Don’t be alarmed this is what you signed up for, it’s just the fine print of the T’s & C’s we all hate to look through.

Don’t lose yourself

Sometimes it feels like getting into a relationship puts you into this impenetrable bubble, it’s like when you are together nothing else matters. Before you and your significant other came together you had friends, hobbies, career choices etc. and none of this should change because you have made an addition to your life. I have found that it is very easy to get so wrapped up in the confines of your love, that it is easy to forget about all of the things that made you happy prior to this person entering your life. In order for relationships to be successful it requires a lot of work, never the less do not forget that you are also a work in progress that depends upon vast amounts of TLC in order for you to flourish and be the best you can be for yourself not just for someones else.

man holding baby s breath flower in front of woman standing near marble wall — Photo by vjapratama on Pexels.com

Love makes you different

Everything you said you would never do will rear its ugly head in so many different ways at unexpected moments it will have you wondering if your body has been taken over by foreign agents. For example, I used to despise public displays of affection. I would be cowering in my seat whenever I would catch a sight of a couple sucking face in plain sight, the sounds would make me seeth. But I now shamelessly hold hands, kiss and cuddle bae in a variety of different places like there is no one around. So never say you won’t do something because love will show you just how wrong you were.

Falling in love has been life changing, I wouldn’t change the trials and tribulations that I have been through in these last 4 years. /even at my lowest moments I have dried my tear stained face and smiled at the lesson each adversity has produced and I look forward to learning much more.