Cry, Journal, Pray

Looking back, but moving forward has been the motto ever since I restarted blogging this year because self-reflection is a vital tool to help us improve our lives, rumination over experiences or feelings may leave us more stagnant than a local London pond and we all know Rea ain’t got time for that!

As I shared in my last post, comments about me having a special anointing that gives me superhero levels of immunity to the stresses and strains life hands out are heavily refuted because for as long as I can remember I could never say that I have had an easy life so struggle and setbacks have been something I have more than a clear understanding of. Across the world, we were all united by the experience of the great lockdown of 2020. Like everyone else, I too planned a fruitful year that would challenge all those before it. But as 1 year of the crisis quickly turned to 2 I started looking up at God and just checking to see if this is the plan he had laid out for me.

I probably experienced one of my biggest depressive bouts during this time, not only because I felt I couldn’t fight the caged animal scenario playing out before my eyes. But because I felt like some of the most valuable years of my life were dwindling and I was powerless against it. During these days of darkness I developed a process that I still use today as a tool to help me get back on my feet: Cry, Journal, Pray.

Cry

As a black woman who now holds a professional position of power, I was taught that I had to be devout of all emotions publically in order to be successful. This is what I would consider a half-truth, as a team needs a leader who has exemplary control and that definitely cannot be demonstrated if they have a meltdown at the thought of a decision needing to be made. However, allowing myself to be vulnerable and cry has probably made me my strongest. This is because it provides me with the ability to release the tension I store in the different spaces of my body due to putting on a brave face for the masses.

I always advise people to schedule in a good cry to let go of those pent-up frustrations. According to Psychology Today, 50% of people feel better after crying whereas only 10% have reported they have felt less well after a despair session. This proves that crying is a response to support, not to make us look like a bag of walking hormonal disruptions. 

Journal

When I am most overwhelmed I find it nearly impossible to verbally express myself. It has gotten so unbearable at times that some of my longest commutes to work I have done in silence as the sound of my favourite choons no longer gives me the feels but serves as an annoyance. Journaling has been a comforting technique as the pen has taken over when I have difficulty finding the words to explain where my state of mind has taken me. As an active member of the negative self-talk society, I use my journal to put the ideas that cloud my brain into written format and rid me of anxious and doubtful concepts setting up a war camp in my brain. Putting these on paper allows me to address and validate them. I can then decide whether they need to be actioned or released into the wild so I can focus on the more positive aspects of my life.

Outside of my personal journals I keep locked away in my secret crypt nobody will ever find (insert evil laugh), Diary of a Lost Soul has served as my public digital journal. Sharing my thoughts with you all has been a major part of my healing process. This is especially true when I receive feedback. It is encouraging to know I am not alone in my experiences and that my posts make others feel like they belong in this lonely world.

Pray

When I was on my Christian walk I found so much solace in talking to God. I would do it in private and that was when I was my most vulnerable sharing things that the closest people to me wouldn’t know I was dealing with. Now that I have taken a more spiritual perspective on life I still pray and it has proven to be a verbal way of letting go of any stressful notions but also supports me in taking a solution-based outlook on the issues I face.

It is always considered that you have to be religious or have a relationship with God in order to pray, the way how I see it prayer is about being thankful or asking for guidance. This is something you can do no matter your beliefs. I am a self-appointed level 14 control freak who spends alot of her day finding ways to avoid her life emulating an epic car crash. Thus, it is a relief to give the universe control over an outcome when I’ve run out of theories or have lost the will to continue.

Trusting the process is a cheesy anecdote but have been words I have ended my most strenuous days in greater stead. Like the legendary Nipsey Hussle said, “Life ain’t a sprint, it’s a marathon”. So permit yourself to set down whatever it is you are battling with and give yourself that well-needed mental break before considering how you might solve it, trust me you will feel better for it.