I have been thinking about holidays a lot lately, and it isn’t because I didn’t have a fruitful summer or take any memorable and well-enjoyed trips but because burnout is a real thing. I forewent flying out this year for a few reasons:
- Summer gave what it was supposed to give this year in the UK
- If I had booked a holiday and it was delayed due to the baggage issues plaguing the news I would’ve lost my shit and all concepts of relaxing would’ve gone straight out the window
- Working with other people’s needs, wants and schedules are enough to make me want to tear my body parts limb by limb (I joke, I kid, well not completely)
In a nutshell, I didn’t fly out this year because I didn’t have any help with arranging the trip that was necessary to keep my peace. This would be the first trip without a partner to share the load, and boy was it evident that having a helpmate was key to this formula’s success. The British part of my identity has always inspired me to do things that are adventurous. However, I would face disinterest or discouragement from those closest to me making me question whether I should be taking this leap of faith.
I started to feel unfulfilled because of these missed experiences due to the fear of being alone and could no longer push away the FOMO nesting in various crevices of mybody. So, I decided to throw the middle finger at my naysayers and do what needed to be done. My cheesy reference to holidays is to remind us that even the safety videos of instructions they play just before the plane takes off give us a vital notion that is bigger than physical safety “you have to secure your lifejacket first before helping someone else”. Once an idea resonates with me, I am ready to act on it right away. However, despite this being a helpful tool to traject me to my current space in life it hasn’t been a very effective implement for those around me. It has given the impression that less work is needed if I am at the top of the plan, and this left me with that all too well-known feeling of being disregarded or uncared for as I was always considering the compulsions of others before questioning my own capacity.
Unless you have a gang of kids, or are knee-deep in a marriage (sorry, can’t relate) the only person you are responsible for is yourself and that includes your happiness. Some of our cultures tether us to other people wrapped in beliefs and morals that have hindered some of the decisions we have or haven’t made and that may have left an empty hole or a weight of rumination that often plagues our minds producing a gaping hole of resentment for ourselves or those who imposed those values. But the truth is that this world and your life are yours, not anyone else’s. If you consistently live up to the expectations or requirements of others you could really be putting your mental health at risk. This isn’t an easy hit to come back from.
Being a 90’s baby is my favourite superpower because it was within the depths of these archives that the advice for this post was recovered. Sailor Moon who is my only claim to the anime society said, “You know who is gonna give you everything, you”. When you dedicate your life to constantly being at the beck and call of everyone else but yourself, not only are you missing out on what the world has to offer but you are creating the prerequisite that even the safety of others is more important than others and this simply isn’t true. Contrary to what we have been told, giving should always come from your overflow, not your reserve, because how can you help another while you’re in danger?
So there is no use trying to keep someone else afloat if you can’t even tread water. When observing those around you notice how they determine the amount of energy towards a request, assessing how much you can give before making a move isn’t wrong. Self-love isn’t selfish, it’s necessary.
