Go Where You Are Celebrated, Not Tolerated

Image:ITV

The more I say I don’t watch Love Island, the more the show gives valuable content. After coming across clips on my TikTok FYP, I couldn’t ignore the comment section that was loaded with support for Kaz Kamwi. I have only ever watched 1 series, and it wasn’t one she was in. However, I remember the sentiments being the same as today. “I can’t wait for them to bring someone in for Kaz” or “she is more than just a great person”. It leads me to ask why as a community we try to force our way into spaces that don’t want nothing to do with us?

Being a first-generation immigrant I was trained to utilise the privilege of being British-born, and ensure that I achieve greatness. I have said before these teachings have brought me so much mental anguish. As promising as it sounds it is such an unachievable goal. Where my accent, and well-spoken vernacular prove to be a great disguise. The minute I walk into a room the approach towards being in the presence of a dark-skinned black woman quickly changes. You are either treated differently due to not looking like what was expected or as the token EDI invite they don’t know what to do with.

Year after year popular television programmes are held to the fire to provide more diversity in their selection of contestants matching the multitude of cultures living in this country. Still, the racial inequalities steeped within the bones of the UK prove their efforts to give us a seat at the table demonstrate that representation will never be enough. It upsets me so much as Kaz, an absolute stunner. Seen as beautiful amongst men and women within the black community reduced to being deemed as unattractive and unable to be catered for. I realised a while ago that whatever we do we will never be seen as desirable for the right reasons. I have countless stories of being sexually objectified by men of other races and never treated with the Queen energy I have always exuded. If I did a poll on the number of times my fellow sisters have been given references reminiscent of being “beautiful for a black girl” it would probably hit a 10 on the Richter scale. What does pretty for a black girl mean? This is a statement that doesn’t exist in our home countries even with colourism being rife. We are all allowed to have our preferences and beauty is in the eye of the beholder but that shouldn’t be based on the hue of someone’s skin.

Although this is the tale of a black woman’s plight, discrimination is intersectional. Despite the effect not being the same, it is felt by women everywhere that we are never enough. The beauty standards across the world are completely messed up. With people glorifying features that are only available after a severe gutting and plucking on a surgery table, leaving those of us who have chosen to remain in our natural state the problem. They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But it is funny because although never truly feeling accepted. Women of other diasporas take physical attributes of black women we were ridiculed for, inserting them on or into their bodies being aesthetically desired. For example, during a conversation with a group of women who were of white descent regarding cosmetic surgery. One of the women explained “my friend got surgery in Turkey, she recently got her forehead to come out more just like that” pointing at the neatly bucked forehead sitting between my hairline and eyebrows for the last 34 years. If you are a 90’s baby with the majority of your teen years in the 2000’s. You may be triggered by being called 5 head due to the prominence of that feature. Now on a woman of a different hue this is considered to be a decorative piece of art work.

It is about time we stop trying to force our round selves into square pegs. It is apparent, regardless of all of the benefits Britain has reaped from being a diverse nation truly changing isn’t something they are capable of. This doesn’t mean that we should pack our belongings and “go back to our own countries”. But understand that certain platforms like Love Island just won’t give us the support we need. No matter how loud we shout from the rooftops the agenda is set to keep us out. This doesn’t mean all is lost, with fewer of us watching TV social media is now the preferred option allowing content posting by literally anyone in the palm of our hands.

When I think about cultures that have got it right, Bollywood gives India the depiction of excellence and class within their countries mainstream media. With their own people staring and producing in the wide range of shows that resonate with the true essence of who they are. It is time to focus on creating our own platform that promotes our glory and understands what we need. We now have many black professionals in film and production, and we are more than equipped to showcase the positive aspects of our culture that continue to be ignored. History has shown seeking the approval of others instead of honouring yourself has detrimental effects.

So go where you are celebrated, not tolerated.