Old habits die hard, so it has been difficult for me to accept this new chapter in my life. But last year I took my biggest leap of faith deciding to enter into a long-distance relationship. I am probably the most cautious person you will ever meet so it is completely unlike me to go against the grain in this way. Nevertheless, as I have said many times in previous posts for me to prosper things have to change. And I think I have done it in one of the most drastic ways.
As many 90-day fiance episodes I consumed I never saw myself opting for transatlantic love. I always quietly wanted a love that ran deeper than the ocean, with very little hassle and was within UK grounds. The cultural differences, barriers and financial implications that are major themes of the show never appealed to me, as the obstacles that are involved with love are hard enough to navigate. Saying this being thousands of miles apart from my boyfriend has had its strong positives, it has helped me learn things about the world that were long-time unanswered questions. Here are some key lessons I’ve learned along the way:
Patience: An Unwavering Virtue
I hate waiting long periods for anything, as a Londoner that is even shorter as waiting more than 2 minutes for a train on the underground is considered grounds for a serious complaint. Being in a relationship means you are working with another person’s schedule and that can personally be one of the most frustrating things as they never manage to achieve it to my timely standard. My boyfriend is probably one of the calmest people I have ever met which at times makes him a lot slower than me to do things. As annoying as this can be, it serves as one of his most admirable qualities which makes me more mindful about when and how I approach situations. Taking my time to react or make a decision helps me manage my expectations and find joy in the little things.
Understanding Differences: Embracing the Tapestry of Culture
Although my partner and I originate from the same cultural background. Being a British citizen adds a whole new layer to our relationship. Despite speaking the same language, our customs often differ which can cause tension. I have always considered communication to be the key to success. Still, I can admit not being provided the right tools earlier on in life doesn’t always make me the perfect listener when situations are heightened. In a long-distance relationship, most of the time communication is all you have, but when you are talking from different positions it can put a strain on the union. Embracing these differences has been an enriching experience. We’ve learned to appreciate how our unique perspectives broaden our understanding of the world. It’s a constant learning process that keeps things interesting and supports working me with others in various environments.
Trusting Your Heart: A Compass in Uncertain Seas
I have a fearful/avoidant attachment style, meaning that even though I desire closeness from others I am afraid of it not being reciprocated. So choose distance to protect myself. This has made me look at life in a more logical way ignoring the thoughts of my heart when making decisions. Throughout the time I have been in this relationship I have noticed the response of my heart becoming louder, where I could usually put the feeling to bed began showing up overtly (ps crying at the airport was not on my bucket list). Even though no relationship is perfect, this is showing me that my heart is capable of making great judgements. I am currently happy and creating this overseas bond has shown me how far believing in my abilities, and never counting myself out can take me. This newfound self-reliance has been empowering and has strengthened the foundation of trust within all of my relationships.
Forgiveness: Not a Sign of Weakness
Forgiving but never forgetting has always been my motto, I used to think that you were the weakest link if you gave another person the opportunity to repeat an offence against you. Although that made me feel like my heart was safe and secure, the reality is I was putting unnecessary distance between me and what I truly wanted. We all have imperfections, learning to forgive, both myself and my partner, has been essential for maintaining harmony and encouraging positive self-talk. I now recognise that forgiveness isn’t about condoning mistakes, but about understanding and moving forward stronger, which has been a valuable life lesson.
Independence: Saving Myself From Heartache
Being a witness to tumultuous relationships turned me off wanting to put my all into something that statistics would say is guaranteed to end in chaos. My hyper-independence is a security measure created to protect me not only from being hurt. But also to avoid hindrance from achieving my life goals. When getting married the bible talks about the strength of a 3 strand cord. I prefer the “two heads are better than one” concept but it was something that I have struggled to actualise. The distance doesn’t always allow my boyfriend to do everything I would like. However, whenever he takes the load of a weight I have been carrying be that by finding a solution to a long-standing problem, or intently listening to an emotional burden. It provides a reason as to why some things are that much better when there are 2 people in it together.
Long-distance relationships are not for the faint-hearted. But the lessons they offer are invaluable. Through patience, open communication, and embracing unique challenges, they can blossom into extraordinary journeys of growth and connection. Not only do they provide the possibility of building an impenetrable bond for you and your significant other. Furthermore allowing you to personally develop in ways you didn’t think were possible. Especially when you are doing it with the right one.
1 Comment
It is wonderful you have self-awareness about your relationship and yourself. That is an excellent quality to have and maintain. I hope everything works out for you.