Is Love Island Reality or Plunging us Further into Traumatic Bonds?

Source: Daily Mail Online

*Disclaimer*

I do NOT watch Love Island. Unfortunately, my elaborate plan to avoid the content is foiled by my TikTok addiction and I am definitely not giving that up! Saying this, Tyrique and Ella’s twisted tale of a situationship turned wrong has posed a conversation I have been having within the last week with friends and some of our ever impressionable young girls who struggle to balance their emotions and logical reasoning.

I have always loved a sweet boy. Emotional intelligence, a studious nature, and no affinity to crime are qualities I have always found attractive. Growing up my “Girl Gang” would frequently take me on “linkages” (if you know you know) with boys who had no intention of having a serious relationship with them and it was notably evident in the lack of commitment in their language making statements such as “you know I am feeling you” even taking it so far as messaging my friend later and asking for my number. For years it has left me with the question, how many red flags do we need to recognise that this guy is just not interested?

My motto has always been that I am a single girly until he asks me that status changing question, “will you be my girlfriend?” I have been ridiculed for this by most people male and female I have the conversation with, however I often end up victorious when I double down on how you calculate the start date of your relationship as I am often met with heavy stuttering and statements such as “does it really matter, who cares about an anniversary?” (raises right hand to God).

Ella and Tyrique sparked my creativity because their relationship or lack there of it is an ideal case study as to why communication is a vital key to any relationship. In my opinion he clearly displays uncertainty. This should be enough to show any woman that love built on shaky ground will easily collapse. No woman deserves a union built like the Tower of Pisa. The emotional side of us ladies mixed with the poor cultural lessons of our ancestors of the “a man will be a man era” have encouraged ignorance to raving warning signs of a man’s disinterest making it a personal attack resulting in us becoming more clingy or trying to change things about ourselves to become desirable. We are beautifully and wonderfully made. Not saying we don’t all need a tune up or tweak as we travel along the windy roads that are called life. But we should never be drastically altering ourselves or working against moral codes to fit in with anyone or in any place.

Men like Tyrique are incredibly easy to come by. Not to degrade or bash him at all, but it clearly highlights high levels of immaturity and unfortunate low levels of respect for women. When we see these things we should run for the hills and into the arms of a dude who isn’t afraid to put a title and terms and conditions on the healthy bond you both see in your future. Would you leave your current job for one without a signed contract in place? Don’t get me wrong, Ella isn’t an angel as Casa Amor gave her the opportunity of a Uzi. This appears to be a man who wants to establish something concrete with her. Despite being in a great position Ella is following a man she has no real ties to around the Villa potentially jeopardising an opportunity for real love.

I will keep it real. We are often drawn to people for a number of reasons. If there is anything my many stints in therapy have taught me we often attract what we have always known, so if we have experienced growing up abandonment or inconsistent care givers our anxious attachment style entices those who have no intention of providing us with a committed relationship like the allure of the Lombada. The only way we can break free from this trauma bond is by increasing our love for ourselves, and experiencing relationships that aren’t focused on people pleasing as these only support depreciation of our value. Everyone deserves to be a part of a loving relationship. If they don’t appreciate it enough to make it long-term no matter how resourceful you are it won’t work.

Moral of the story, If he can’t commit let that Mango (get it)