The close of year can’t help but force us down the route of reflection. For some it is a great opportunity to look back over the experiences we have had, or revel in what we’ve achieved. But others won’t be feeling so positive, and might they want to dig a big hole to bury the events of this year in. As much as I enjoy being a Positive Polly I am a massive believer in people going through whatever process it takes to get them to where they want to be. However, if I have any words of advice to take into the next year it is in order for people to check on their strong friend you have to stop being the strong friend.
This post is a message to anyone who thugged this year out on their own. To the person who despite having people around them constantly feels as if nobody ever has a solution or wise words to their problems. If you grew up independent like me not only do you rarely ask for support. But the minute someone lets you down you won’t only never ask that person for help again, but the doors for seeking help close almost permenantly. Although the feeling of being let down is valid, should that be applied to the individual or the process?
The Awkward Ask
Now I am not telling you to blame yourself, because I know that human’s give us many reasons not to trust or rely on them. But I would be honest with myself in saying that not everyone who fails to meet my expectations did this with ill intent. There are moments when I have decided to ask someone to lend a hand, and because I find it so awkward I end up downplaying the crisis. I’ve realised that when I ask for help with a smile or a shrug, I’m giving the person an easy out. They don’t see the house on fire because I am standing in front of the flames acting like I’m enjoying the warmth. So sometimes by disguising our desperation as a “minor favour”, we unintentionally set people up to fail us.
Leaning Into Vulnerability
What I am talking about is vulnerability. And if you have not allowed yourself to be weak this year, you actually haven’t given your relationships a chance to be strong. Real connection isn’t found in the moments where we provide for others; it’s forged in the moments where we allow ourselves to be provided for. As we step into this new year, lets stop wearing our self-sufficiency like a suit of armour. It might keep the disappointment out, but it also keeps the love out too. If you want to be the friend who is checked on, you have to be brave enough to be the friend who is actually seen.
It’s In Your Energy
Energy is reciprocal and this is something I have had to personally address. Sometimes when you have had to be the person with the plan it is felt by everyone around you, forcing them to take a step back and assume you have got it covered. We spend so much time being the architect, the engine, and the safety net that we leave no space for anyone to take up any tools. If you always project that you are “good”, you eventually become the person people stop checking on, not because they don’t care but because you have convinced them you are invincible. We have to stop being so good at holding it together if we ever want the chance to be held.
So as you enter into this new year, allow yourself to be seen by the people who truly care for you. You don’t have to become that Disney Princess trapped in the castle desperately awaiting rescue. But take a task you would usually complete alone and ask a trusted source to join you, I am sure it will lighten the load.
Which part of this hit home for you? Are you the “strong friend” trying to let your guard down this year?
